AllFreeNovel
Share Us
When the cab pulls over, we can already see a large crowd gathering around the house. People are sad, stunned and aching, they hug one another and offer their condolences. There are heaps of plastic chairs delivered to the house, along with folding tables, different types of food, fruits, wine and drinks. I start assisting with whatever I can; I organize something here, put out something there, placing, wiping, slicing, and pouring.
He sits in the center of the room, shrouded in his own silence, disconnected. Every now and then he lets a tear roll down his cheek or smiles bitterly at someone. Kitchen staff, pourers and waiters organize the house to make sure that the mourners are comfortable, making sure the tables spread throughout the living room are bountiful and covered in trays of a variety of steaming hot dishes.
The chief rabbi arrives. He shakes Avi’s hand, and it’s evident that they have a history. He consoles him and adds a quote from the bible. Avi looks at him respectfully and nods in acceptance. More people arrive.
Among them are many beautiful, young women, and they seem to be on more-than-friendly terms with him, they all hug and kiss him, straighten his shirt, caress his face, try to catch his attention. He, on the other hand, with impeccable savviness, treats them with a cool aloofness, preventing them from invading his personal space. He’s simply standing there, uncooperative.
Another group arrives. This time they are suited and elegant businessmen from every field imaginable: politicians, businessmen, many of his employees. They’re all there to pay their respect. He’s clearly beloved and appreciated by them all. I believe with all my heart that they aren’t drawn to him because of his money, but rather because of his charismatic, mysterious and intriguing personality; that’s how he captivates them. However, now he’s withdrawn and almost apathetic. He dedicates a couple of cold moments to each, calculating and rationing his time with them. If it were up to him, he would have probably lashed out and disappeared into his room or would have stripped down and walked around in his robe. He was always attentive to himself and managed to drown out the background noises. He was so self-confident, and it only added to his insane sex-appeal, and his endless charisma.
Seemingly out of nowhere, Michael barges in and storms into the house.
“Avi!” He hugs him, heartbroken. “I’m so sorry, brother. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when it happened.”
“It’s alright,” he pats his shoulder. “We all knew it was about to happen. It’s just as painful, but that’s life. What can you do?” Avi doesn’t wait for him to reply and sinks back into his chair and grief.
Everyone addresses him at once, they ask questions, talk with him about his grandmother. He provides them with dry answers, his voice breaks as he occasionally bursts into tears. No one dares approach him to wipe them away.
I sit at his side for a moment, just so I can breathe him in. He suddenly surprises me and, without hesitation, pulls his chair close to me; grief-stricken, he places his head on my shoulder and weeps. I’m so moved that I start sobbing, too.
Michael looks at me, hugs me and wipes the tears off my cheek.
“Gorgeous, how are you? Are you alright? I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” a surprised Michael confesses.
“I just happened to be here,” I reply hoarsely.
“A fortunate coincidence,” Michael adds. “I can see that you two have grown closer.” He points at Avi.
“Yes,” I confess. “Very close.”
Michael smiles and tightens his grip around me, as though he’s proud of his new trophy. He seems to be surprised by the fact that Avi has become attached to me.
All the attendants are curious to find out who I am, and what have I done to have this stunning man lean his head on my shoulder; why has he chosen this unimportant person who had momentarily entered his life, now completely sucked into it without any chances of running away. Their gazes haunt us, people whisper around us, bewildered at the sight of me and his complete obliviousness to the matter. And yet, they all seem to fade away as I’m enveloped in this very moment, the moment he had chosen me above all others.
As I listen to his friends and colleagues, I learn how he had acquired all his wealth and elegance. I hear how he had started his own company at seventeen. It was a unique high-tech company that had later penetrated the international market with the offensive-cyber security software he had been developing for over a decade. He was respected by every sector possible, was regarded as an honorable person in so many important places in the world. Nonetheless, he always stayed grounded and claimed that money wasn’t his goal in life. He lived a life of comfort but didn’t give in to it. He kept looking for the foundational things in life and tried to hold on to them as hard as he could. He cooked for himself, cleaned, washed his own dishes, refused to use a coffee machine, and was reluctant to eat ‘designer food’, as he’s referred to the pretentious food the higher echelons of society would enjoy. I adore his lifestyle and admire the how he carries himself with poise and grace.
Avi is present, yet absent. His grief is a deep abyss. His mother, Rachel, is a beautiful and impressive woman. Her eyes are deep-sea blue. She tries to reach him. His siblings and Michael stand around him. He remains polite, coherent, yet unyielding. He refuses to allow himself to break down in others’ arms. Occasionally he gives me long and awkward looks, especially when he sees my attempts at taking care of things and making sure everyone has food and drinks. Frankly, I’m exhausted. But I can’t help it. I wanted to make things easier for him and his family as much as I could. I try to decipher the meaning of his gaze, anxiously thinking that this tragic event might have changed his feelings for me; praying that he won’t suddenly pull back and I’ll be on my own, yet again. This time around, my loneliness would be significantly more painful. Sadly enough, I’ve already seen people sink into a deep depression and push away those dearest to them. Let alone people they had only met a couple of days ago. I keep hurting myself, embracing the grief to shed tears over my own scars, my own angst and anxiety. He’s only just entered my life, and he’s about to leave. What will I do now? I panic. My stress only intensifies when Michael pops up behind me.
“Let’s go outside and talk a little,” he suggests.
I swallow a big lump of fear and heavily and reluctantly walk towards the large backyard.
“See?” He embraces me. “I always seem to disappoint someone, and mostly myself. Why am I always busy when he needs me most? He’s so important and dear to me.”
“I’m sure he knows it, Michael,” I turn to my soothing side, swallowing a tsunami of tumultuous feelings. “There’s nothing you can do about it. All that matters is that you’re here now. He knows he can count on you. Life is stronger than us and we can’t always be there for our loved ones. Just take me for example,” I explain. “I’m here, and Roy? Where’s Roy? He isn’t here. All I can do is hope that he has received enough love, closeness and dedication from me, and that it’s imprinted on his heart. The same goes for you two,” Michael listens to me, appreciating my every word and holding on to them.
“Thank God you’re in my life!” He immediately draws me closer to him. “You’re so honest, smart and affectionate.” He hugs me tightly, with all his heart. “It’s no wonder Avi feels so comfortable around you, you’re so special.”
“Michael,” I slowly take a step back. “I have to tell you something.” I’m so embarrassed and ashamed.
Michael’s body stiffens. He looks straight into my eyes.
“Perhaps later?” he asks. “I want to spend every moment that I’m here supporting Avi. I also want to apologize to you; I know that I should have been here instead of you, supporting him, running around and helping others. But I cherish what you’ve just said, and I want you to know that I’m grateful for you, for the way you analyze both complex and simple matters. You know how to be present for others, even if it means giving up part of yourself. Sam, in a matter of no time, you’ve become extremely important to me. Thank you,” he adds with a sincerity that moves me. “I can’t wait to come back and pick off from where we left off. I miss you so much,” he kisses me passionately.
A smile reaches my lips and I give him a loving hug. I can’t ignore this perfect man, how in a mere two days he had entirely erased all the pain that had gathered in my heart and body over the years, with every hardship or disappointment. I treasure how he had allowed me to see the world through a different lens. I don’t take it for granted. However, the memory of my bitter betrayal slowly seeps in and pulls me to reality. I free myself from his arms and hand in hand, we walk back in together.
It’s evening time and people keep swarming in. Everyone comes to pay their respects to the large family: there are three sisters and four brothers, in total. Avi is the youngest and there’s a clear emotional and age gap.
I continue to learn more about Avi’s character. Even though he shied away from social events and liked running the show, coming and going as he wills, he was still there, frozen, seemingly counting the minutes until he could shut his eyes. I miss him already, my heart craves for this man who, in the past few days had become so important to me. My soul yearns to be loved only by him. An obsessive love, all-encompassing, yet enveloping, respectful and cherished. An honest love, wild, boundless, limitless. In my presence he is vulnerable, compassionate, and understanding. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He adores my femininity as well as my tortured soul. He doesn’t try to correct me, or improve me; on the contrary, he keeps confronting me with the restrictions and inhibitions I had built up that had grown with each disappointed, hurt or tear. He enables me to understand my own value. I know that under his shadow I can rest, be happy, feel loved as intensely as I need – powerfully, sensually, and amazingly passionately. I hope I won’t lose it all before I had even tasted it. The very thought of him missing from my life deems my existence unessential. I’ll become withdrawn and plummet into a deep sadness in one of the armchairs.
