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“So, what happened to her?” Lisbeth’s lips quirked up.
“I told her she could make a lot more money stripping on stage. She was against it at first, but I kinda dared her, and she took me up on it.” Samson grinned at her. “She turned out to be one of our headliners.”
“Hmmm.” Lisbeth’s lips tilted at the memory, remembering the abandoned freedom she experienced on stage, how her disappointments and financial problems all fell away until it was just her and the music.
“She sounds very talented.”
“Oh, yeah, she was fuckin’ talented.”
“I have a feeling that suggestion might’ve saved that shy, timid girl.”
“I’d like to think so.” Samson rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “But like anything good that ever came into my life, I fucked it up with her.”
Lisbeth drew a deep breath, unsure if she wanted to hear his next words.
22
“Istarted falling hard for that shy girl. Thinking about her day and night.” Samson rubbed the back of his neck. “Yvette might’ve been strung out most of the time, but she wasn’t stupid. She sensed me drifting away from her, and when I tried to move out, she went wild.”
That explained why she and Samson always went to her apartment. It jarred her how she never questioned that in the past or suspected another woman in the picture. She’d been so wrapped up in her fantasy that she dodged common sense.
“After that, Yvette began acting out, doin’ even crazier shit just to get my attention. She became more and more erratic, and Frank warned me to get the fuck away from her. I tried to leave her, but she’d guilt me into staying.
“If she were deep into drugs, you never would’ve been able to help her.”
“I probably enabled her, but I felt guilty, especially since she saved me back in the day.”
Samson paused, and Lisbeth sensed he was gathering his thoughts or maybe his courage to continue.
“One night, I came home, and she was in a bad way, angry and saying stupid shit that didn’t make sense. We got pretty fucked up, and I passed out. He tightened his grip on Lisbeth’s hand. “The next morning, a cop was banging on my door, asking me questions about Yvette. They found her dead in the alley of our building.”
“I’d heard rumors about what happened but didn’t think they were true.”
“The cops ruled it a suicide from jumping off the roof of our five-story walk-up. I blacked out, so I never knew what’d happened, and it gnawed at me that maybe I could’ve saved her.”
“You should’ve told me what was going on.”
“You and I had been seeing each other for only about two months, and as much as I wanted to continue seeing you, the guilt was overwhelming. Every time I looked at you reminded me of how I was alive, and Yvette was dead probably because of me. Maybe she would’ve lived if I’d been around more and tried harder to help her get off the junk.”
“If only you’d been honest with me.”
“I got deeper into coke and took on more dangerous jobs for Frank, anything to divert me from the torture of guilt in my mind.”
Maybe I could’ve helped you.”
“I probably wouldn’t have listened, but I knew I had to give you up. I couldn’t have you involved with the shit I was into then. I did it to keep you safe, but you’re right; I should’ve been straight with you instead of ghosting you.”
“Now it all makes sense, but you have to know it wasn’t your fault what happened to Yvette.”
“Yes and no. As I said, I knew what Yvette was doing. I should’ve paid more attention and tried to get her help.”
“You couldn’t have helped her if she didn’t want it.”
“I carried that shit around for a long time,” he whispered. “The guilt, the pain, it took over my life. At the time I reasoned I was doing you a favor by turning you away.”
Maybe I could’ve at least tried to help you work through it.”
“I was afraid you’d think you could help me, and then you’d get wound up in my bullshit too.” He gazed deep into her eyes. “I’m afraid of that now. You have such a giving nature. I don’t think you see the Monroes for what they are.”
