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He closed his mouth. His Adam’s apple bobbed in a swallow. He nodded, and Lilah turned back toward the house. She walked quickly past the children in the yard, told the boys it would be time for their showers soon, and hurried into the house and upstairs. She held herself together as she walked into her bedroom and laid Sofie in her crib. Her daughter fussed, but Lilah bent over her and brushed the child’s blonde curls with her fingers until her eyelids fluttered shut. Then Lilah walked to her own bed. She sat on the edge of the mattress and the crushing pain of loss crashed down onto her shoulders.
Was she falling in love with a man who felt obligated to her?
Lilah’s chest tightened, confusion taking hold. She couldn’t align Trace’s words with his actions. How could she have read him so wrong? How could he have kissed her like that if he didn’t have true feelings for her?
Taking a deep breath, she pushed her glasses to the top of her head and pinched her nose as she thought about the past week . . . the last year . . . of how much she loved Trace. She thought of his smile—the one that came so easily when he looked at the kids. When he looked ather. She remembered how quickly he’d stepped in to help with Blaze. How often he checked on her in a week. How everything was brighter with him in her life.
Before she could make sense of her racing thoughts, her bedroom door creaked open. “Mom?”
It was Ben’s voice. Lilah pulled her glasses back onto her face. She sat up straight and put on her mom-face, not wanting to alarm her son. “Hey, sweetie. Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” He stepped into the room. “But I wanted to give you something.” His hands were behind his back, and Lilah prayed he didn’t have a frog again.
She waved him over, choking down her hurt. “Come, baby. Show me.”
Ben walked toward her, his brown eyes tender. “You looked sad when you went into the house, so I got you something.” Stopping before her, Ben revealed what he’d been hiding—Henry’s flashlight. “Daddy’s light always makes me feel better. It’ll make you feel better too.”
Lilah stumbled on a breath, taken aback by her son’s purity and perception. “Oh, baby. That’s so sweet of you. Thank you.” She reached out, taking hold of Ben and the flashlight. She pulled them both close. “I love you.”
“Love you too, Momma.” Ben crawled up beside her on the bed. He pointed at the flashlight. “You have to turn it on. Remember Dad said to use it when I’m scared of the dark? It helps me see that there’s nothing to be scared of. When I turn it on, that’s when I really feel better.”
Lilah put her arm around her son, squeezed him, and flicked the switch with her thumb. Light beamed out onto the carpet. Ben’s smile widened.
“See? You feel better, Momma?”
“I sure do.” She kissed him on the head. “But you don’t have to worry about your momma, okay? I’m just fine.” The last thing she needed was her babies worrying about her.
“That’s good, cause I think Trace needs the flashlight too.”
Ben’s frank comment took her by surprise. Lilah tilted her head. “Why do you say that, baby?”
“Cause he’s downstairs in the kitchen pacing just like that time we thought we lost Sofie but she was just hiding in the closet.” Ben shrugged his shoulders. “I asked him if he wanted the flashlight, but he said to take it to you first.”
Lilah’s heart clenched. She closed her eyes for a moment, squelching her hurt. What Trace had said in the barn couldn’t counteract the love and care he’d shown her over the years. She needed to hear him out. She also owed it to herself to tell Trace exactly what was in her heart.
Giving Ben another kiss on the head, Lilah agreed. “I’ll take the flashlight to him.”
Chapter Fourteen
Tracerakedhishandthrough his hair, furious at himself for the lie he’d spun. He’d only wanted to hold Jesse at bay until he could have a heart-to-heart with Lilah, but Trace should’ve shut the conversation down or changed the subject. He could’ve said anything other than falsely confirming he was spending time with Lilahonlybecause Henry asked him to.
Now, as he stood in Lilah’s kitchen and braced himself against the counter, Trace couldn’t forget the way Lilah had looked at him in the barn.Hurt. Confused. Shocked.He desperately wanted to rewind the clock. Why hadn’t he pushed the words out last night under the moonlight? He’d been sure about them long before then.
Trace was crazy about Lilah. He’d doanythingto be at her side forever. And if she couldn’t handle his love, he’d pretend he wasn’t head over heels for her. No matter how that would hurt him.
When footsteps crossed the floor overhead, Trace raised his gaze to the stairwell. He wanted to go to Lilah, wrap her in his arms, and tell her what an idiot he’d been. But he was giving her the space she’d asked for.
Ben thumped down the stairs.
“Hey, buddy,” Trace breathed, caught between disappointment at not seeing Lilah and the joy he always felt when seeing Henry’s kids.
Ben hopped over to him and latched onto Trace’s leg. “Momma said she feels better now.” He looked up, and Trace ran a hand over his blond mop.
“That’s good to hear.” He smiled at Ben, reassuring him that everything was okay. Even though it wasn’t. “You are so sweet for checking on her.”
Ben bobbed his head. “I gave her Daddy’s flashlight. She said she’d give it to you now so you can feel better, too.”
Trace’s chest felt like someone had cinched a belt around it. “She did?”
