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“Indiana? Of all the places to end up after Nantucket!” Greta shook her head. “What was she doing there?”
“She married a farmer from Indiana,” Anna said. “He died a few years ago. Coincidentally, her farm burnt down on the same day that…” She trailed off, unable to say the unthinkable— that Dean had fallen to his death only days after he’d asked her to marry him. “Anyway, she figured it was a good time to make a pilgrimage east. Lucky me.”
“Lucky you,” Ella echoed with a soft nod.
Anna did her best to eat as much of dinner as she could. She sat at that enormous dinner table, surrounded by Uncle Quentin, Aunt Catherine, Scarlet, Ivy, James, Aunt Ella, Uncle Will, Danny, her mother, her mother’s boyfriend, Charlie, Aunt Alana, Alana’s boyfriend, Jeremy, and, of course, Bernard and Greta, and it seemed that everyone had something to say and needed to say it all at once. Anna sat very quietly, sipped a glass of wine, and forced pieces of chicken to her lips. Across from her, Scarlet smiled kindly and nodded in understanding.
After dinner, Scarlet sidled up next to Anna and asked if she wanted to go for a walk along the beach. Anna’s heart swelled at the idea. All she wanted in the world was to feel the sharp breeze across her face.
They bundled up in spring jackets and hats and trudged out the porch door, waving goodbye to Uncle Quentin and Bernard, who sat at the porch table. Once on the sand, their feet dipped with each step, and they laughed at the ferocity of the winds. Still, it was better than being cooped inside, where Anna feared her sorrows would form into another panic attack.
“How has it been for you?” Anna asked Scarlet after a little while. “Living here, I mean.”
“It’s been such a relief,” Scarlet answered, her face relaxed. “The city was eating me alive. After Mom’s diagnosis, I barely kept myself afloat. Next came the whole Owen debacle, and I thought I was going to go insane.”
“I still can’t believe that guy.”
“Tell me about it,” Scarlet said with a sigh. “Dad and I have to go to the city for his hearing soon.”
“That’ll be hard.”
“Yes. It will be. Because a part of me still loves him, you know? I lived with him for a very long time,” Scarlet breathed.
A part of Anna screamed with anger for Scarlet; another screamed with sorrow for herself. All she’d wanted was to move in with Dean one day. She’d never even gotten that chance.
After a long walk down the beach, the girls turned to gaze out across the water. Evening light dimmed to blues and grays, and the ocean was silver and glittering with a sort of magic.
Before she could stop herself, Anna heard herself speak.
“I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself.”
Scarlet nodded. “Nobody is asking you to do anything.”
“But just recently, I was demanding so much of myself,” Anna rasped. “I had just gotten a new job and a new, crummy apartment. My boyfriend had just asked me to marry him, and I’d accepted. My life was going somewhere. And now?”
“Now, you’re on Nantucket,” Scarlet finished. “With a family who loves you. We’ll help you through this, Anna.”
Anna’s stomach twisted. She wasn’t entirely sure she could be “helped through” anything, let alone something as traumatic as this.
“Mom wants me to go to a grief therapist.”
“You don’t want to go?” Scarlet cocked an eyebrow.
“I guess I should,” Anna said. “It just makes it all the more real, you know? A part of me thinks I’ll wake up tomorrow in that terrible apartment in Seattle and go get brunch with Dean. Another part of me knows that life is dead.”
Scarlet placed her hand on Anna’s upper arm as another gust of wind threatened to rip them apart. “I can’t say that everything will be all right because I know that’s not true. Not after what you’ve been through. I just want you to know that if you need to talk to anyone, or vent to anyone, or just sit by anyone without speaking, I’m here.”
Anna was wordless. For a moment, she locked eyes with Scarlet, then bowed her head and allowed several tears to fall.
Scarlet was right about many things— that Anna was surrounded by family and love. She supposed she was luckier than most on their darkest days, but it still didn’t take away the harshness of the pain.
ChapterNine
Eloise spent the first night on Nantucket in lonely bliss. She walked the streets in her overalls, gazing at the colonial architecture, reliving old memories and people-watching, wondering how many of the men and women she saw had been on the island back in the sixties and seventies when she had been. Probably not many.
Eloise grabbed a circular table at a little Italian restaurant and ordered herself a glass of merlot and a plate of spaghetti with truffle oil, which she ate slowly, savoring every bite. Around her, men and women were dressed up immaculately, enjoying one another and the beauty of themselves. Eloise felt she needed no other outfit than her overalls. She was a Nantucket-born, Indiana-bred individual. It was as though she carried the farm around with her.
See, Liam? I really did love that silly farm. I really did love you.She thought this as she twirled spaghetti around and around on her fork, then ate it.
