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“Mum,” Joe said, shaking his head. “That’s not fair.” A deep frown pulled at his brows, and I only realised then just how tired he looked. How much older he seemed. We’d stayed in touch during the time I’d been gone, but I hadn’t been ready to face him in person until now. And that was because of my biggest, most shameful secret, one that my therapist had worked so hard on with me.
There was a small part of me that blamed myself for Tim’s death. Deep down, I knew it hadn’t been my fault, but I couldn’t stop replaying the moment he slipped away, wishing I could have done something more to reach him in time.
My parents might have been the ones to send me away, but I stayed away because of the guilt that their son was gone and I’d been there when it happened.
That, and my dad…
That night…
I’d been incoherent with grief. I’d found out later that the paramedics had sedated me, and after that, I…shut down. That’s the only way I could describe it. It was like my mind went completely blank, taking me into a place where nothing and no one could touch me. I remembered my dad’s rage, how he’d struck me, over and over, but it was like it was happening to someone else. The searing pain had eventually caused me to black out, but I hadn’t been in my body at the time. Nothing could touch me.
When my parents had wasted no time in shipping me off to Switzerland, I hadn’t even been upset about it. I’d wanted the same thing as they did, to get away, far away from anything and anyone that could hurt me.
Somehow, I’d managed to finish my A levels, but what I’d always considered to be the life that had been planned out for me had been left in ruins.
When my cousin James had called me to tell me what had happened, though, I felt like I could breathe again for the first time in almost two years. My dad was now in prison, where he could no longer touch me, could no longer make me march to the beat of his drum, and my mum…well, it looked like she was on the way to drinking herself into oblivion. For the first time, my life was stretching before me, open with possibilities, but instead of the elation I’d always thought I’d feel, I felt nothing but empty. That was why I’d come back here. I needed to face my past so that I could begin my future.
“I can say whatever I want, Joseph. This is my house, and I will not have you expecting me to just drop everything because she decided to swan back into our lives whenever it’s convenient for her.”
“She didn’t—”
“Joe.” Reaching out, I placed a hand on his arm. “It’s okay. I don’t need to stay here.” Now that I’d seen the state my mother was in, I didn’t want to stay. Had never wanted to stay to begin with. This house held too many memories.
I had nowhere to go, but I’d find somewhere. I’d managed to make it through the past two years, I could make it through anything. It felt right to be here, to get some closure.
Joseph glanced at his watch with a grimace. “Where are you going to go? I have a meeting in an hour, otherwise I’d stay.” He lowered his voice as we both glanced over at our mother, who was now back to drinking, acting like we weren’t even in the room. “I’ll have to make arrangements, but I can come back here for a while if you need me to.”
I shook my head. “Joe, it’s okay. I can manage.” Injecting as much confidence as I could into my voice, I told myself to believe my own words. And things would be okay. Life had fucked us all over, but I was slowly defeating the demons of my past, and I was prepared to face whatever the future decided to throw at me.
“If you’re sure.” He sighed. “Can I drop you somewhere?” I noticed that he didn’t offer for me to stay with him, but I knew that he lived outside of Alstone now, and I guessed he assumed that I’d prefer to be in Alstone itself.
“Where does James live now? Can you take me there? I’d like to see him.” It was as good a place to start as any, now that my friend Hailey had moved to Edinburgh to live with her boyfriend.There was no one else in Alstone I was close to.
Joseph’s face cleared, and he nodded. “Good idea. We’ll go there now.”
When we’d left the house behind, both of us breathed a sigh of relief.
“I need to decide what to do with Mum. And you…we need to talk about what comes next. If there are any suitable families we could make a connection with.”
My jaw dropped as my head shot around to face my brother. “No! I am not doing that, Joe. I don’t even want to marry anyone, and definitely not someone I don’t even love.”
His mouth turned downwards. “I know that, but it’s your duty. This family has been ravaged, and with Dad gone…it’s up to me to pick up the pieces. Our business assets are frozen, and there’s a high possibility that we could lose everything, you know. Everything that the Hydes have worked for, for generations. I wish there was another way, but we all have our part to play. I’m sorry.”
Fuck. I didn’t want to argue with him about this, not now. He was my brother, and I loved him, and I understood where he was coming from. But I had no interest in being treated like a pawn. Maybe there was something else I could do to help rebuild the family name. Something that would satisfy Joe without losing myself in the process. I had no loyalty to my father—to either of my parents, in fact—but I had loyalty to my brother. And to Tim.
“Joe, I really don’t want to talk about this now. Please, just drop it, okay?”
He blew out a breath. “Okay. I’m sorry. I know that now isn’t a good time to bring this up. Forget I said anything. We can revisit this conversation when you’re more settled and when I’ve managed to get my head around the ins and outs of the business. I was a TA while I was doing my master’s degree, but I took some time off from that, and it’s a good thing. I’m going to have to move back here, you know, now that Dad’s gone. Take on the business and find a girl for myself sooner than I’d planned.”
“From a well-connected family, hmmm?”
He laughed without humour. “It’s what’s expected. I refuse to let our family’s legacy be buried by those Alstone Holdings assholes.”
Thankfully, the car came to a stop outside a large, Regency-style mansion house before I could come up with a response. Alstone Holdings was something that I wasn’t ready to think about.
“This is where James lives. I’ll call him now, let him know you’re here.” Joseph hit some buttons on the car’s console, and the sound of ringing filled the car.
“Joseph. What can I do for you?” James’ voice was wary, and I had the sudden realisation that things between the two of them had changed while I’d been gone.
