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“How is he going to vote?” slips out before I can stop it, and he shakes his head, a sympathetic look on his face. “No?” I ask again when he doesn’t speak.
“I didn’t want to tell you, but I also didn’t want you to embarrass yourself on TV.”
“Why? Isn’t that what all of this is? Good reality TV? An embarrassment would raise viewings.”
“Not at the expense of my friend’s feelings,” he says, and I shake my head.
I can’t focus. I knew all along that Simon wouldn’t go through with it. Hell, he even told me multiple times, and I was that stupid woman who thought maybe I could be the one to change him. Isn’t that a laugh?
A small part of me—the most hopeful part—thought that maybe, just maybe, he would say yes. That he would realize that I was good for him and he was it for me. That I loved him and his daughter.
Love.
I grip the armrest of my chair and lean forward a little, sucking in air. I let myself feel love and be consumed by it without even realizing it until now. Now, I have to go out there in a few minutes and pretend to not be completely devastated by what Boris is insinuating. I wouldn’t believe him, except I know he’s right. Simon has told me himself, and I’ve refused to listen. Maybe Simon thinks that I would take him at his word and know what he was going to say.
“Thank you for letting me know,” I say, surprising myself by meaning it.
I shouldn’t have been so stupid in the first place. I shouldn’t have given my heart away.
“You’re welcome,” Boris says, smiling down at me. No matter his intentions, the look on his face just comes off as slimy and underhanded, and I want him to leave. “Good luck with filming today.”
As the door shuts behind him, I raise my head toward the ceiling, willing the tears gathering in my eyes not to fall. I would hate to mess up my makeup.
“We are ready for you,” someone says as they open my door, and as quickly as they appeared, they are gone.
I blink a few more times and then take a deep breath. Paste a smile on my face and stride toward the door. I’m ready to get this day over with.
Simon
I stare at Alice as she sits across from me. They have us separated—the men on one couch and the women on another. We thought we would sit together as couples, but Boris had other ideas.
She’s beautiful. Her long, curly blonde hair is loose and flowy, contrasting nicely with the blue dress she’s wearing. I wish I could wrap an arm around her and touch her, feel her.
I didn’t get much sleep last night, thinking over this last month and a half that I’d spent with Alice and my own emotions and feelings. But I woke this morning with a clear answer, and it’s what I’m going with. Even though my heart is about to beat out of my chest with nerves and maybe even fear, I know in my head that it’s right. Alice is right for me. I can’t imagine a life where I don’t wake up with her anymore, or get to see her every day, or touch her body every night.
I had a long talk with Ivy, and she is over the moon that I’m going to say yes.
“I think it’s the smart decision, Daddy,”she said.
I stared at her, wondering when my little girl grew up. But she’s correct; it’s the smart decision and the right one. Thinking about letting Alice go feels so wrong. I don’t know when I started to think of her as mine, but that’s what she is. Mine. I feel like a caveman when I think the word, but as my eyes trace her face, I can feel it.
Mine.
“And now, what you all have been waiting for,” the interviewer, Janet, says, bringing my attention back to her.
She’s been asking us questions, doing flashbacks to the show, and including other little facts to keep the show light and fun. But now, it’s serious, and you can feel the mood change in the room between all of us couples. None of us knows how the others will vote. We were expressly forbidden in our contract from talking about it so that they could do the grand reveal on the finale.
Alice’s eyes meet mine, and we stare at each other. Neither of us smiles, and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because we feel the gravity of this decision weighing on our shoulders.
Her blue eyes look full of trepidation, causing me to frown. Maybe she’s just nervous about this whole ordeal; it’s definitely out of the ordinary. This is one reason I wish they had sat us together, so I could hold her hand, rub my thumb across her skin, and calm her nerves.
I know what I want, and I’m strangely excited to get this show on the road. To finally be a real family and have Alice know that I’m in this for the long haul. To apologize for pushing her away and not telling her sooner about my feelings.
My fingers flex against my pants, out and then back in. I make loose fists and rest them on my thighs. This whole thing is stupid. They just need to let us say what we want and get on with things.
“Simon?”
My name jolts me from my reverie, and I glance up at Janet as she motions to the box in the center between the two couches. It’s all very Survivor-ish,but instead of voting someone off the island, we are voting yes or no on the rest of our lives. Heavy stuff.
