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She nodded as if I’d confirmed what she’d been thinking. “Good. We’re in agreement then.”
She seemingly brushed off the conversation, then asked for an update on Berta. The entire time I circled the van, updating her on the progress, I was on edge, irritated by the way she’d dismissed me so easily.
When I finished, Lily said, “Thanks for taking good care of her.”
There was this chasm between us. A distance I couldn’t breach. She’d put up her boundaries, and I was powerless to knock through them. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to.
“Of course.” I wanted Berta to be everything Lily envisioned—the symbol for the shop and the farm.
Lily smiled apologetically. “Sorry if things got a little awkward before. But I’m positive we can continue working together.”
Something about the way Lily was able to walk away from our conversation, like it meant nothing, got to me. I wanted to close the distance between us and pull her into my body. I wanted to crush my lips to hers. I wanted to know if she tasted like sunshine or something sugary and sweet. I wanted to show her how bad I could be, but she didn’t want that.She didn’t want me.
My jaw tightened, and I flexed my fingers in a move to stop me from acting on my instinct. Everything inside me was telling me to shake her careful control, her rules, to show her that there was something more between us. I wanted her on a visceral level that transcended whatever bullshit she’d said to negate the possibility.
When I didn’t answer, she turned to walk away. I should stop her. I should tell her she was wrong. I did want something. I wanted her. But she’d made her wishes clear, and it wasn’t me. She was steering clear of guys like me.
The old inferiority complex reared its ugly head. She’d found me lacking. Pursuing something with her when she’d clearly told me her wishes wouldn’t get me anywhere. It wouldn’t change anything. At the end of the day, I wasn’t what she wanted.
When she was gone, I headed to my office to get a few minutes to myself. I stared at the computer screen, but I wasn’t seeing anything. All I could envision was Lily telling me I didn’t measure up and her walking away.
It’s what needed to happen, so why was I so shaken up about it? She’d done what needed to be done.
I sensed when Ryan walked into the small room, but I didn’t look up. Finally, he said, “You fucked that up.”
There was a tinge of amusement in his tone that I didn’t appreciate.
I stubbornly refused to look at him. “There was nothing to mess up.”
My words opened a hole in my chest, one I didn’t think would ever be closed again.
The bastard moved farther into the room. “Well, if there ever was a chance for you, there isn’t now.”
“Thanks for telling me the obvious.” I ran a hand through my hair, my stomach twisting painfully. If this was what I wanted, why did I feel like this? I wanted to tear something apart with my bare hands.
Ryan chuckled, clearly enjoying my irritation.
I finally turned my attention to him. “Is there a point to this?”
Ryan braced his hands on the guest chair. “Are you going to admit to yourself that you like her?”
A muscle ticked in my jaw. “I told her I did.”
He raised a disbelieving eyebrow.
“I’m not completely oblivious. I’m attracted to her.”
“Ahh,” he said as he moved to sit. “So, you told her you want to fuck her?”
“Fuck no. What’s wrong with you?” Lily wasn’t that kind of girl.
“You don’t think there’s something there? I’ve never seen you like this over a woman.”
I ran a hand through my hair again, every muscle in my body poised to escape this conversation. “I barely know her. I only talk to her enough to discuss Berta.”
I barely restrained myself from walking out. I couldn’t escape Ryan, not in this small garage. He’d just track me down and talk my ear off until I gave in to whatever he wanted me to admit.
“What about that night you ate dinner?” Ryan asked softly.
