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Lily crossed her arms over her chest. “Then what’s it like?”
“Listen, I need to go. We can talk about this later.”
I wanted to wait for her to go inside, but she just stood there, staring at me like she was trying to figure me out.
Everything in her stance was telling me a kiss wouldn’t be accepted, so I leaned in close and kissed her forehead. “I’ll see you later.”
It was cold and indifferent, but my mind was already on my mom. I’d call her as soon as I was in the privacy of my cab. I’d almost made it to the door when Lily said, “I wish you trusted me to let me in.”
My heart skipped a beat at her words. “I let you in more than anyone else.”
“Yet it’s not enough.”
What was she saying? Was she done with me? I couldn’t deal with this now. Not when I needed to protect Hailey, Corey, and Ryan from the disaster that was my mother.
“I’m sorry.” Then I opened the door, got in, and backed up. I refused to look at the porch. I didn’t need to know if she was watching me go. I already knew she was.
As soon as the main road was in view, I dialed Mom’s number.
“Where are you?”
“I had a thing, but I’m on my way home. Is that where you are?”
“I am, but I could go to Hailey’s if you think she’d—”
“On my way.” I refrained from telling her to stay away from Hailey because I’d only push her in that direction. I needed to find a way to tell her she wasn’t welcome here. She couldn’t come back for sporadic visits. She couldn’t ever return.
Clicking off the call, I wondered how I could get rid of her for good. With each mile I drove, my head began to throb with the beginning of a headache. My jaw ached from clenching my teeth. I could handle my mother, but Hailey didn’t deserve her popping up every few months to mess with her head.
Pulling into my driveway, I saw a figure sitting on the steps, the beat-up car she always drove in front of the garage. If she left us for something better, I didn’t know what it was.
I quickly got out, moving toward her, every muscle in my body pulled taut. “What are you doing here?”
Mom stood. “I came to see you and Hailey.”
Each time I saw her, she looked older, more tired. “I thought Hailey was clear the last time you stopped by. She told you to stop messing with her life.”
Mom winced. “That’s not what I’m doing. You’re my child. I love you.”
“You have a fucked-up way of showing it.” Hailey wasn’t here, so I didn’t need to mince words.
She stood and brushed off her frayed jeans. “I should go see Hailey—”
“Why? Because she’s nicer to you? Because you think she’ll let you in?”
“I never understood why you were so angry with me.”
“You left us.” The words were out before I could pull them back. For years, I said it didn’t matter, but those three words were etched in my soul. They defined my life.
“I couldn’t take care of you. You deserved better.”
Remembering how I’d made Hailey food from what there was left in the cupboards night after night while she was God knows where, I said, “There’s nothing worse than abandoning your children. Those wounds don’t heal.”
Everything I felt the day she walked out came back to me—the horror, the stabbing pain in my chest, the realization that Hailey was truly mine to protect and take care of. To make sure she had a better life than we had so far.
Now, she was pregnant. She was happy and part of a loving family. I wouldn’t let my mom penetrate that. “You want money?”
Mom’s eyes widened as she studied my expression, as if checking to see if I was serious. Finally, she said, “I could always use money.”
