Page 88 of The Way You Are


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“How much would get you to walk away for good? I don’t want you showing up every few months. I want you gone.”

Mom held her hand over her heart as if I’d wounded her.

“You don’t care about us. If you did, you never would have left. You would have gotten help.” She’d never been present. It had nothing to do with money. You could still be a loving parent if you didn’t have enough to feed your kids. But Mom never sacrificed for us. She came first.

Mom sighed.

“Hailey was clear the last time you stopped by. She’s not going to welcome you with open arms. This is your last chance to get some money before I make sure you leave town. You won’t get this offer again. Come on, you know you want to take it.” She wasn’t honorable. I was certain she’d take it.

I unlocked the door and pushed it open. Grabbing my rarely used checkbook out of my kitchen junk drawer, I wrote one out to her. I hesitated on the amount. Ten grand might get her to go away, but I probably needed an added incentive. I thought of the money I’d saved for my dream car, the same money I was going to use to repair Lily’s GTO. None of it mattered if my mom was back in our lives. I’d never escape the stain of my past.

I wrote it out for most of my savings. I owned my home. I had the garage. I could make this up. It hurt to do it, but the drive to protect Hailey, her unborn baby, and Lily from my mother prevailed. I ripped it out and handed it to her.

She stood in the kitchen, her arms wrapped around her body like she was cold. Like she had to protect herself from me.

She reached out to take it, and I pulled it back. “I don’t want to see you again.”

“You hate me.” Her lip quivered.

“You don’t care. If you had, you would have found a way to take care of us. You could have stayed at Nana’s. You didn’t have to leave us there. A real mother would have found a way.”

I held the check out to her again, and this time, I let her take it. I had a second when I wanted to take it back, wondering if I was making a huge mistake. Is this what Ryan and Hailey said when they mentioned me getting over my mother’s actions? Probably not, but I couldn’t see any other way around it.

“I won’t be so nice if you show up again,” I said, following her out.

I should have felt satisfaction when she got into her car without another word. Except the only thing I felt was pain.

I watched until the taillights of her car were out of sight.

I went back inside and grabbed a beer from the fridge. I twisted off the cap and drank, long and deep. It was a long fucking day, and I wanted to forget it. I wondered if I should stay here or drink at a bar.

By myself seemed like the thing to do. No one asking me if I was okay, telling me to deal with my shit. I dealt with it, and she was gone. She couldn’t touch me now. Except her showing up brought everything back.

It hurt in a way it didn’t the last few times she’d been by. Maybe because she’d taken money to stay away from us. It was a new low, even for her.

I turned on the TV to distract myself from the sense of loss. I drank until I couldn’t focus on the TV. I drank until I fell asleep.

A pounding on the door woke me. Light streamed through the windows. I sat up; empty beer bottles lined the coffee table, and the TV still hummed in the background. The screen of my phone listed several missed phone calls from Ryan and then Hailey.

I stood, my muscles protesting from sleeping in an uncomfortable position on the couch all night. I opened the door, hoping it wasn’t my mother. She’d probably cashed the check and was halfway across the country by now. When I saw it was Ryan, I moved back into the house.

“You look like shit,” Ryan said, shutting the door behind him.

“Thanks for stopping by.” I grabbed a glass and filled it with water from the tap.

“How did the party go last night? I take it not too well since you’re here and not at Lily’s.”

“I should be at work.”

“Lily was worried about you. She reached out to Remi, who got her Hailey’s number.”

“She should stay out of it.”

“Lily? Your girlfriend?”

“I don’t think we’re anything anymore. Not after yesterday.” I sat on the couch and turned off the TV.

He sat on the armchair. “What happened?”

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