Page 64 of Scars


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Our laughter dies down, yet his voice in my head gets louder, playing the message on repeat.God, what I wouldn’t give to hear that one more time.

“I got so angry when my parents finally canceled his phone. The first time I got that automatic message, I threw my phone, shattering it into pieces. It almost felt like losing him all over. I know that sounds dumb, but for that moment, listening to his voice message, I could pretend that he was still alive and would call me back.”

“It’s not dumb. I get it. I go to his grave a lot and just sit and talk to him. I pretend he talks back and give me plenty of shit for all my fuckups.” I spin, resting my back against the shelf, and cross my arms and ankles. “Even once, I—” I look down, shaking my head. “Never mind.”Was I really about to tell him that time I dreamed about him sitting there with me?But I think out of all the people I could confide in about it, he would understand since he just admitted what he used to do.

I close my eyes and inhale an unsteady breath.God, I miss him.

“Every. Single. Day,” Austin says with a pause between each word. I hadn’t even realized I had said that aloud.

Austin stands. “You know, if you ever want to talk about him, I’m here. I mean, I know we weren’t ever as close as you and he, but you know, I’m pretty cool. At least Riley thinks so.”

I belt out a loud laugh, and it feels good to laugh to ease the tension. “I’d like that.”

“Plus, I have all these home movies I stole from my parents’ house if you ever wanna watch them.” He extends his arm over to the entertainment center under the TV. Crouching down, he opens the two bottom doors, revealing a plethora of home movies. “Some of these babies are serious gold.”

My eyes rake over the spines of the videos with different years listed. I’m not sure I’m ready to fully take a drive down that memory lane just yet, but one day, I hope to. I wonder if Riley has seen them yet.

“Holy shit, is that—?”

“Tanner’s PlayStation? Yup.” Austin runs his fingers over all the stickers Tanner had stuck to it. Most of them have frayed edges from wear and tear.

We played endless hours on this growing up. I can’t believe he still has it.

“I couldn’t let my parents throw it out when they cleaned out his stuff. I play it from time to time when I’m really missing him. Sometimes I feel like I can hear his voice in the back of my mind calling me out or shouting that he’s going to tattle to Mom for me playing on it.”

Austin pushes off his knees to stand. “You up for a game?”

“Fuck yeah. Set that shit up and prepare to get your ass kicked.” I laugh as he hands me two controllers before setting up the rest of the gaming system.

Chapter 27

Riley

Sweatdripsdownmyforehead, and my chest heaves as I slow my pace, approaching our front porch. I bring my hands to rest on the top of my head as I try to catch my breath.

I wonder if Cooper is still in bed. If he is, I hope he’s prepared to be woken up WWE-style by me launching myself at him.

As soon as I pop my earbuds out, I get my answer about whether or not he is up.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I can hear Cooper shout even with the front door shut.

“I’m going to kill you,” Austin responds.

I rush up the stairs and storm through the front door, unsure about what I’m walking into. I thought things were fine between them. What the fuck happened while I was gone?

Steadying my shoulders, I prepare myself to be the middleman between the two of them. Although how the hell am I supposed to stop two men, both of whom are a foot taller than me, if they start swinging fists?

“What the fuck, dude?”

I barrel through the living room and can’t believe what I’m seeing. In fact, I have to blink multiple times to make sure I’m seeing this correctly.

Austin and Cooper are on opposite ends of the couch, game controllers in hand. They’re both focused on the TV, and my eyes follow their line of sight. On the screen, I see the familiar street-fighting game on the big screen that I spent countless hours watching Tanner and Cooper play when we were younger.

“What the fuck is this?” I say, confused, perching my hands on my hips.

“Oh, hey, babe. Have a good run?” Cooper responds without even taking his eyes off the screen.

“Umm, what’s it look like? I’m kicking your boyfriend’s ass,” Austin taunts proudly.

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