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“Thank you very much. I hadn’t realized just how hungry I was. This actually is perfect.”
He nods and returns my smile. He heads over to a bottle of booze and pours himself a drink. “Hurry and eat. It’s late, and I want to get to bed.”
“I appreciate this.”
He takes a long sip of his alcohol before stating, “Don’t misread this. I’m not a kind person. Kindness gets you nowhere in the world we live.”
Ignoring his words for now, I eat bite after bite of pure joy. I temporarily forget that I am nothing but a woman cuffed, plugged, and captured. For now, I eat.
If I am going to survive this, I have to live one day at a time. One hour, one minute. I can’t think about what will come next or risk going completely mad. One day, one hour, one minute… my new life. It is my only choice.
Chapter
Twenty-Three
Phoenix
Standing with my arms crossed against my chest, I watch the security monitor. I’ve just escorted Ani back to her room, and whether I want to admit it or not, I can’t take my eyes off her.
I take a seat in front of the screen, propping my feet up on the table. I settle in as I always do in the evening. My television viewing before bed has become Ani.
Fucking Ani has already consumed far more of my time and my mind than planned.
I have gone too far. I saw her eyes. Real fear is lodged there.
Trying to shake off my guilt, I just stare at Ani. She doesn’t deserve to feel the way she does.
Wait… What the hell? She fucking deserves it. She’s a liar. A liar.
I begin pacing the room, hating that her actions still anger me. No one person should control any emotion of mine for so long.
My goal is to train her to be submissive. To teach her to never cross me or another Godwin.
There’s a difference between discipline and cruelty, and I know it. I have to break her in slowly. I can’t just go in full force and scare the hell out of her like that.
Did I slap her across the face? No. Did I lose my shit? No. But did I make her afraid? Yes.
I sit back down and clench my jaw as I watch Ani settle down and curl up on her single blanket.
My father treated my mother this way…
Ani is afraid of me. She is terrified. Truly terrified, and I am the sole cause of it. Shit.
Yes, my goal is to punish her, but this is different. Her pussy drips with every erotic spank or demand of a submissive act. The cuffs and plug are different. She wasn’t wet. There was no arousal. She is just a scared little girl with some deep-rooted demons attacking, and I allow it.
But now… For some reason I want to protect her from all that.
Wait. No. Stop this fucking madness.
Fuck this confusion. Fuck Ani for making my emotions run crazy. This isn’t me. Order and structure. Black and white. Confusion is not an emotion I battle.
Enough is enough.
I need to handle this.
I have to take control.
This woman can’t have this hold over me any longer. Somehow, I have to break free.
Ani
It’s late, but I can’t sleep. It’s not just the handcuffs and plug keeping me awake, either. So many thoughts and emotions are running through my body and mind. I should hate Phoenix, but I don’t. I actually want to be upstairs in the attic with him, in his bed, in his arms. How can that be after what he’s done to me? How can I feel anything but complete loathing?
Oddly, it’s as if I understand him. It’s as if I truly get why he is doing this. Why he has no choice. Why he feels so strongly in his actions. I can’t explain it. I could never put these thoughts into words to anyone else, but something deep inside of me realizes this is the path and journey Phoenix must take. This is the road we must take to make our way through the darkness.
I feel there will be light on the other side, that there is an end to our story with a happily ever after.
Looking over at the floorboard that conceals the journals, I decide to take a big risk. Pushing my wool blanket over to the spot, hoping to god that Phoenix isn’t still awake watching me, I carefully open the hole using the blanket as my shield to hide my actions. I also reach for the stack of books that were left as my comfort items and hide the journals within them. Feeling confident that I’ve concealed them enough and impressed with myself that I did all this handcuffed, I open one of them up, using the thick book to hide what I’m doing in case Phoenix is watching. To him, it will look like I’m simply reading a book.
