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“I’ll make sure your housing and financial needs are always met. No baby of mine will ever be without or ever be in danger. Luxury and comfort will be yours. I will take part in raising our child, of course.” Even though he says the last part, there is something in the way he says the words that seem… uncomfortable. As if he doesn’t know what being part of raising a child really entails.
“But what if I don’t want that?” I say as I tilt my head so I can look up at him.
“Don’t want what?” His eyes darken. “Would you rather go to jail? You don’t exactly have a lot of options here, Ani. I hope you aren’t stupid enough to think you can fuck with—”
“What if I don’t want to leave here?” I swallow hard. “To leave you.”
Phoenix recoils as if I have just slapped his face. “What are you talking about? Of course you want to leave here.”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t.”
Phoenix shoots to his feet, and his concern is quickly replaced with fury. “Have you lost your mind? You are about to be free. No more captivity. No more punishments.”
“But also”—I sniff as the tears finally fall from my eyes—“no more you. At least not in the same way. Not the way I had grown accustomed to having you. And I don’t want that.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he snaps. He shakes his head. “Of course you want to leave here. What person in their right mind would want to stay?”
“Me. I want to stay. To stay here with you. I don’t want it to change. Baby or not.”
“Ani.”
“Is that so wrong?” I move myself into the kneeling position I know Phoenix likes me to assume. “I don’t want to leave you. You said I was a bad girl. You saw that in my soul the minute you laid your eyes on me, and you were right. I am bad. I have bad thoughts and bad needs. But with you, I feel like all the bad thoughts are realized and experienced. I feel safe with you and comforted in your hands, no matter how firm they are. You called me a pain slut, and maybe you’re correct in that as well. I do like it. I love it.”
“Your new submissive tendencies don’t need to be constantly explored. You don’t have to be here to know that sexual side of yourself.” He says the words between clenched teeth. “I can’t understand why you would want to stay here under these harsh elements that I created.”
“Is it so odd that I would want to stay with you all the time?” I ask.
“I’ll still be in your life,” he says. “You’ll have my baby, after all. I won’t go too long without checking in.”
“But not daily. Not often, right?”
“I can’t have you here. Living with me. Not forever.”
His words hurt. I don’t like reality. I don’t want reality.
“Why not? Why can’t you open yourself up to the idea of changing your life for… me and the baby?”
“That wasn’t the plan,” he says quickly.
“I know, but can’t we at least sit down and talk? About our future?”
Hope replaces the sadness in my heart. My idea seems like a good one and one that maybe Phoenix will consider.
“You have no idea what type of world I live in.” Phoenix goes over to the window and looks out, leaving me staring at his broad shoulders and strong posture that only makes me crave to be in his arms once again. “I’m here by choice. It’s what I do. Who I am. But this isn’t you. You belong beyond these walls.”
“But you aren’t asking me what I want?” I am being far more daring and bolder than I would have ever done before, but I have to fight. I have to do something. Phoenix will slip between my fingers if I don’t do everything I can to stay with him once the baby comes.
“I know what being a Godwin means,” he answers. “It isn’t safe for you or the baby to be caught in the web of this family. Yes, the baby will be born a Godwin, but he or she will be protected by me until they are strong enough to battle without my shield.”
“But don’t you think we’d be safer with you at all times?”
“That’s not part of the plan. Part of my life is that I always stick to the plan,” he says, still staring out the window.
“But can’t we alter it just a bit?” I counter. “There is so much I don’t know about you, but I do know that there is some sort of connection between us. There is something deep inside of us that deserves exploring. Yes, you awoke sexual desires I never knew before, but I know there is more than that. Tell me that I am wrong. Am I nothing more than just a woman who is paying her penance for lying to you? Have I misread you completely?”
