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Putting her down, I said, “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

I wrapped my arm around her as we headed out of the club, not even bothering to say goodbye to the guys.

“I’m not that hungry,” she said. “I just want to go home with you—because it’s the last night I can say that.”

She’d read my mind. All I wanted was to take her home and make love to her all night long—send her off to Philly in the best way I knew how.

So that’s what I did.

***

The next morning, I got up first to make coffee for Lala since she’d be hitting the road early. While it was brewing, I also decided to…move some things around in her apartment.

Her eyes widened after she wandered out of the bedroom and noticed what I’d done.

“Why are all of the kitchen chairs up against the door?”

Shrugging, I flashed a crooked grin. “I figured if you can’t get outta here, you won’t be able to leave.”

She shook her head and laughed as she walked over to wrap her arms around me.

I lifted her up. “I’m so fucked up right now, Lala. I must’ve been crazy for ever encouraging you to leave early.”

As we fell into a kiss, I decided I needed to have her one more time before she left. I lowered my pants a few inches before sliding her underwear to the side. After leaning her ass against the counter, I slowly spread her legs and pushed inside of her.

“You want me to stop?” I rasped.

“No…” She panted, raking her hands through my hair. “Please… Don’t you dare stop.”

Lala lifted her hips to meet my thrusts, each pounding more intense than the last.

“That’s right. Give me that beautiful pussy,” I groaned.

This was something we were absolutely exceptional at: dodging reality with sex.

“I don’t want you to fucking go,” I muttered into her neck as I sank deeper into her.

When I felt the muscles of her pussy clamp down around me, I let out a guttural sound as Lala’s orgasm echoed through the kitchen. I came so hard that I nearly saw stars.

As we started to come down from it, I said, “I should just stay inside you. That’s another way to keep you from leaving.”

She reached for my face and cupped her hands around my cheeks. “What’s all this getting-me-to-stay stuff all of a sudden? I thought you felt my going back now was the right thing?”

I couldn’t blame her for being confused. “I know I encouraged you to leave so we could figure out if this really could work. But now that the day’s come, I just want to turn back time.”

“This has been the best time of my life, Holden. But I get it. This was always a temporary situation.”

“It’s not the end, Lala. We just have to figure out a new normal.” I kissed her nose and finally forced myself to pull out of her.

Lala returned to her room to get dressed while I prepared bagels for us.

We had a quiet breakfast. Outside the window, I could see it was starting to drizzle. That definitely fit the crappy mood.

After we ate, I carried all of her things out to the car. We lingered on the sidewalk, neither of us wanting to be the first to say goodbye.

I scratched my chin. “I should’ve disconnected your car battery. Then you wouldn’t have been able to leave.” I tugged on her jacket, pulling her to me and placing one last kiss on her lips. “Call me the second you get there. Be careful driving.”

“I will.”

The sun suddenly came out, even though it was still drizzling—perfect symbolism for the indecisive mess I’d become as of late.

I hugged her tightly, then finally let her go.

CHAPTER 30

Lala

Why am I back here again?

So much had changed since I’d last lived here. My fridge was empty. The apartment was freezing. I missed the warmth of my New York City place. But most of all, there was no Holden next door here. That was most definitely the worst part.

Being back in Pennsylvania was just as bittersweet as I’d thought it would be. Well, more bitter than sweet, if I was being honest. Pretty much the only good thing since arriving was getting to see my mother last night. She’d seemed to have more energy than the last time I was here, and I felt very fortunate that things were looking up with her health.

I’d spent much of today unpacking and getting my apartment back to a livable state. But no matter what I did, it still felt cold and barren. I also spent some time taking down photos of Warren and me. I hoped Holden would be coming to visit soon, and I sure as hell didn’t want him seeing those. My chest felt tight, thinking of Warren and how badly I’d hurt him. Perhaps I deserved the crappy way I felt right now.

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