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Before leaving New York, I’d packed a shopping bag with some of the snacks from my cupboard there. I’d just gotten around to emptying it out when I found a little surprise inside. Holden had stuffed one of his black hoodies in the bag with a note pinned to it.
In case you’re missing me, wrap this around you tonight. (Only fair since I stole a pair of your underwear.)
Smiling, I took the sweatshirt to my face and breathed in the painfully awesome scent. I then wrapped it around myself and zipped it all the way up. It was like a warm hug from Holden. This hoodie wasn’t coming off of me tonight.
Reaching for my phone, I almost texted him but remembered he had a gig this evening. I didn’t want to disturb him.
Instead, I read over the text Holden had sent me earlier today.
Holden: I just listed your apartment for rent, and now I want to vomit. I miss you a fuck ton already. How have you been gone less than twenty-four hours?
I’d been asking myself that question all day.
Needing to get out of this funk, I decided to drive over to my parents’ house. It was after dinner, so we’d probably just sit around in front of the TV or talk.
Mom and Dad were lounging in the living room together when I entered using my key.
My mother straightened. “Laney! I didn’t know you were coming by. I would’ve left some food out. I’ve already put it all away.”
“I’m not hungry, Mom. I’m actually feeling a little sick to my stomach tonight. I just came by for some company.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You’re sick?”
“I think it’s just…depression, honestly. I have no appetite and feel a little queasy.”
“That’s nerves.” My dad nodded.
“I don’t need to tell you we’re happy to have you back early, but what good is it if you’re not happy?” My mother frowned.
My father lowered the volume on the television. “I’ve sensed that something was off with you from the moment you arrived last night, Laney. I’m guessing this is about Holden?”
I sat down on the couch and kicked my feet up. “He and I are sort of in a weird place right now. His career is taking off, and I just moved away, so we’re figuring out where things go from here.”
My mother flashed a sympathetic smile. “You’ve really grown to care about him, huh?”
Caring about Holden wasn’t a strong-enough sentiment. “I love him,” I blurted without thinking it through—because it was the truth.
“Wow.” My mother’s jaw dropped.
Dad sighed. “Okay.”
“Does he know how you feel?” Mom asked.
“I haven’t told him I love him, mainly because I need to hear him say it first. I also don’t want to freak him out or make him feel obligated. If he feels the same, I want it to come from him, without any added pressure from me.”
“You’re not sure he feels the same?” my father asked.
“I know he cares about me, but he’s always stopped short of saying those words. There were times I could’ve sworn he was about to say them, though. He might be scared. Or…he might not feel the same.” I sighed. “But I’m not sure it could ever work between us logistically, regardless of how strongly we feel about each other.”
My mother squinted. “What does that even mean…logistically? Is there some formula that determines whether something fits perfectly into a neat, organized box? Who’s making these rules?”
Her comment gave me pause. Who was making the rules?
“Never mind what you think life should look like.” Mom looked into my eyes. “What do you want, Laney?”
I blinked, pondering her question for a moment. “There’s really nothing else I want right now than to be with him. But this isn’t just my decision. He would have to decide whether he wants the pressure of a relationship in the midst of his music career taking off.”
My mother adjusted her throw blanket and posed another question. “In your mind, what would a future with Holden look like?”
Crazy.
Sexy.
Amazing.
Unpredictable.
“He’d be constantly on the road. I’d be left alone a lot.” I looked away. “Not sure how you have a family with someone who’s gone half the time.”
“Military families do it,” she pointed out.
“Does Holden want kids?” Dad asked.
“I don’t think it’s something he ever really saw in his future.”
She shrugged. “People’s wants and needs change as they mature.”
“That’s true,” I agreed. “Though, I’m in no rush to get married or start a family, either.”
“Sounds to me like fear is the biggest thing keeping you guys apart, then,” she said. “Can I give you some advice?”
“Of course, Mom.”
“I’ve learned a lot about myself and about life since this recent health scare. It’s changed my outlook on certain things.”
I nodded.
“I think sometimes we overthink things to death when we should just be following our hearts and enjoying each moment.”
