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Did Lala really just say what I thought she’d said?
She’s pregnant?
My heart raced as I took her hand and led her out of the venue. I needed to hear it again with no distractions.
We walked around the corner of the brick building until we were alone, aside from some passing cars.
My hands shook as I wrapped them around her face. “Lala…say it again. What you just said in there, so I know I’m not hallucinating.”
“I’m pregnant, Holden.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve taken multiple tests. And it was confirmed by the doctor. That’s where I was when you stopped by and spoke to my mother.”
This news shouldn’t have come as a surprise. We hadn’t been careful a hundred percent of the time, a risk I’d never taken with anyone else. I’d gotten carried away.
Dazed, I asked, “How long have you known?”
“A couple of weeks ago, I realized the nausea I’d had ever since I left New York wasn’t going away. I thought it was nerves at first, but then started to suspect it could be more.”
I nodded as everything finally started to make sense.
“That’s why you went silent on me.”
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you tell me what was going on, Lala? I could’ve been there for you.”
She shook her head. “I needed to be absolutely sure before I sprung this on you.”
I closed my eyes, letting it all sink in.
Lala…was carrying my baby.
Our baby.
I’m going to be a dad.
What?
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
She interrupted my thoughts. “I need to let you know, Holden, that I’ve decided to keep it. I know it’s the worst possible timing, and you’re nowhere near ready for—”
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.” I pulled back suddenly. “Did you think I would ever consider not keeping our baby?” My heart pounded. “I might not be ready to be a father, but Lala…” I lifted her chin. “Look at me. Look into my eyes. I need you to understand something.”
She nodded, her tears starting again as she stared up at me.
“This news? It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. The fact that my baby is now growing inside you is more important than music. More important than anything. It’s…” I paused to reflect on what this meant. “It’s everything I never knew I wanted.”
Her eyes widened. “You’re happy about it?”
I placed my trembling hand over her stomach. “I’m so fucking happy, sweetheart. So happy.”
“I’m so relieved.” She placed her hand over mine. “I was worried this was going to blindside you. I was prepared to raise it alone, if I had to.”
“If for some reason you didn’t want to go through with this, that would be your choice. But that would’ve killed me, Lala. Because after only a few minutes of knowing about its existence, I love this baby.” I paused to look into her eyes. “And I love you so much. I haven’t known how to express it. I tried through that song obviously, but saying it to your face has been long overdue.” I finally removed my hand from her belly and placed it around her face. “I love you, Lala. And I promise you, I will do whatever it takes to make this work, to give you the kind of life you’ve always dreamed of.”
Her eyes glistened. “Any life I dreamed of before you doesn’t exist anymore, Holden. You’re my dream.” She wiped her eyes. “When I heard that song you performed tonight, it gave me the confidence to finally tell you what was going on. I would never want you to say you loved me for the wrong reasons. Knowing you loved me before you found out I’m pregnant… That was perfect.”
I caressed her cheek with my thumb. “I’ve loved you for a long time, sweetheart. Just didn’t want to scare you away.”
She stepped back a bit. “I have to say something…”
“Okay…”
“I don’t want you to change anything because of this news. I would never be able to live with myself if you gave up a career you’ve worked so hard for because you felt obligated to stay in one place. I want you with us, of course, but even before I found out I was pregnant, I’d been thinking a lot about adjusting my expectations so we can make this work. If I want you in my life, I need to accept that you might not always be physically around.”
I blinked. “I can’t even think about music right now. That all seems so…unimportant compared to this.” I shook my head. “I can tell you one thing—I’m not going to wanna be away from our kid, or you, for any length of time. So while I do need to figure out what that means in terms of the band, it’s not gonna be tonight. Right now, I just want to bask in this—because, Lala…we’re having a baby.” My mouth curved into a smile. “There’s nothing bigger than that. I’m scared as fuck…but so happy.”
