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“You’re right,” I murmured, feeling tears form at the thought of hurting Warren.
“I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, babe.”
I nodded. “I know you and Colby probably share everything. But if you could not tell him about this conversation, I would appreciate it.”
“He doesn’t need to know about this. I won’t say anything. But don’t be surprised if Holden eventually clues him in. Holden has a pretty big mouth.”
The thought of Colby finding out what Holden and I had done the other night made my stomach sick. I also didn’t want the guys giving Holden hell for anything because it was just as much my fault.
It felt good to bounce all this off of Billie, even if she spoke some harsh truths. I certainly had a lot to think about.
Once our food arrived, we managed to keep the rest of the evening light. After our meal, Billie went ahead of me back to the building because I needed to stop at the pharmacy for a few things on the way home.
During the walk back, my phone lit up with a text from Warren.
Warren: Are you alone?
Laney: I’m walking home from dinner.
Warren: I have no pants on.
Laney: Oh?
Then it hit me what he was trying to do. Before I could respond, he wrote back.
Warren: I was hoping you’d want to duck.
Warren: Duck.
Warren: Duck.
Warren: Damn autocorrect!
Warren: Fuck! You know, do it virtually. Over the phone. Tonight. I felt bad about how the other attempt went.
My sweet boyfriend. Overcome with emotion, I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and closed my eyes. I couldn’t do this anymore. It needed to stop.
***
My renewed determination to avoid Holden ended the following evening when my smoke alarm started beeping randomly. It reminded me of what had happened with the carbon monoxide detector when I’d first stayed here. The battery probably needed to be replaced, and I didn’t have one. I didn’t want to have to call him, but this was going to drive me absolutely bonkers and keep me awake if I didn’t. So, I finally gave in and texted Holden.
My heart thundered against my chest when the knock on the door came.
I opened. “Hi.”
“Hey.” He smiled. “I’ve got the battery. Should only take me a few.”
“Great.” I moved aside to let him in, instantly buzzed by his musky scent.
The tension in the air was thick as I stood watching him loosen the detector from the ceiling. Neither of us said a word, which was certainly odd.
When he finished, he turned to me. “Anything else you need?”
I cleared my throat. “No. Thank you.”
He stared at me for a few moments. “Is this how it’s going to go down now? You not saying anything to me while you turn red?”
I let out what felt like all the air in my body. “Even hearing your voice now makes me think about it, Holden.”
“I’m not gonna lie, Lala. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, either.”
“We took things too far,” I said.
He looked down at his shoes a moment. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. You didn’t force me to do anything. I wanted it.”
Holden groaned and ran his hand through his thick hair. “No one but us will ever know about it, okay? Choose to give yourself a break. I was helping you get a little relief. That’s all it was.” He paused. “We’re still friends. Right? I don’t want to lose you because of some impulsive decision I made.” He sighed. “I promise I won’t pull anything like that again.” He smirked. “I mean, unless you happen to call me some night after midnight.” He winked. When I didn’t laugh, he frowned. “I’m kidding, Lala. Look…my intent was to make you feel good. That was it. You deserve that.”
I cocked my head. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“This whole dance we’re doing? You act like it’s all about me. But it’s messing with your mind, too.”
“I’m not going to deny that.”
“Did you get off too…the other night?” I asked.
His eyes bore into mine. “You’re gonna have to be more specific.”
“Not sure how to phrase it any better.”
“Are you asking if I came while I was getting you off?”
I nodded.
“I know you, Lala. You’re asking me that so you can feel more guilty if I tell you I did it along with you, right?” He exhaled. “I was turned on. You know that. But I was focused on you, not me.” He muttered, “I mean, I did jerk off after we hung up. But…” He shook his head. “Again…you didn’t do anything wrong. We didn’t even touch. It is what it is. And I do take the fall for it. Even though you say it takes two. This one’s on me. And I’m telling you, it won’t happen again.”
“Okay,” I whispered, feeling no less unsettled.
Silence filled the air again. “Let’s change the subject,” he said after a moment. “How was your mom’s visit? I mean, besides the part I was there for.”
