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“That sounds perfect. Except I think I might need wine and dessert.”
She hooked her arm with mine. “Now you’re speaking my language.”
Fifteen minutes later, we had three desserts on the table, and I’d already downed almost a full glass of wine.
“So is your ex giving you a hard time?” She shoveled a heaping spoon of brownie with vanilla ice cream into her mouth.
I shook my head. “Warren’s been really amazing about everything. I just have so much guilt over jumping into bed with Holden. I went straight from breaking up with my fiancé to Holden’s apartment.”
“Can’t say I’m surprised, though. You two have been playing the cat-and-mouse game for a long time. There must’ve been a lot of pent-up frustration.”
I nodded. “We’ve spent a lot of time working that out the last few days.”
Billie smiled. “I’ll bet.”
I looked down into my wine. “We’ve had an amazing time together. And I definitely have feelings for Holden. But I also still have feelings for Warren. I might not be engaged anymore, yet a part of me feels like I’m cheating on him.”
“Well, our feelings aren’t like light switches. We can’t just turn them on and off. Ideally, it would have been nice if you had some time between one relationship and the other. Even when you’re the one who ends a relationship, you still need time to heal from it. But you and Holden…” Billie scooped more brownie and ice cream and spoke with her mouth full. “I don’t think anything could have stopped you. You’ve been on a collision course since that dance you shared at my wedding. It was impossible not to notice the way you were looking at each other.”
I guzzled the rest of the wine in my glass. “I can’t stop thinking about what would’ve happened if I hadn’t come to New York. What if I hadn’t realized I needed to see what else is out there until after I said I do? Would I have cheated on my husband?”
Billie shook her head. “Don’t play the what-if game. No good can come of it. Look forward, not back.”
Our waitress stopped at our table. “Another wine?”
“That would be great, thanks.”
After she walked away, Billie pointed her spoon at me. “You just said you needed to see what else is out there. Is that true? Or is it only Holden you’re interested in seeing?”
“You know, for my entire life, I’ve been the type of person who could tell you where I planned to be in five or ten years. I knew in middle school what I wanted to study in college, and when I finished college, I had my sights set on getting my own research study. A few months ago, I thought I saw my future with Warren. But right now, I can’t seem to see farther than today and tomorrow, and those days I want to spend with Holden.”
“Sometimes we need to live in the moment.”
Billie and I sat at that café talking for more than two hours. During that short time, I knocked back four glasses of wine. They didn’t hit me until I stood, but then I wobbled. And my pregnant friend wound up walking me home, when I should’ve been the one walking her.
I hugged her in front of the building. “Thank you so much for listening to me.”
“Anytime, my friend.” She smiled. “You look better.”
“I actually feel a lot better.” I leaned into her but forgot to whisper. “Alcohol makes me horny, so I think I’m going to stop by Holden’s.”
A man who had to be in his seventies stopped on the street. “I live at 210 West Street, apartment 3B, if Holden isn’t available.”
Billie and I cracked up. She yelled to me over her shoulder as I walked toward the door to the building. “Go get ’em, tiger.”
Upstairs, Holden answered the door wearing a pair of low-hanging sweatpants and no shirt. He had a set of drumsticks in one hand, headphones around his neck, and his skin glistened.
“Oh my God.” I hiccupped and covered my mouth. “You look so freaking hot.”
He flashed a crooked smile. “Are you drunk?”
“I think I might be.” I grinned and leaned forward. “And I’m also really horny.”
He grabbed my hand and yanked me into his apartment. I yelped, but loved every moment of it.
“I can’t wait to fuck you drunk.”
I giggled. “And here I was worried you might refuse me because you were too much of a gentleman to have sex with a drunk girl.”
“My dick was in your ass in the back of a van not too long ago, sweetheart. I think gentleman, when it comes to fucking you, is long gone.”
“You’re a pig.” I snort-laughed.
“Damn right. And you’re knocking on my door anyway.” Holden scooped me off my feet and into his arms.
While he strode toward the bedroom, cradling me, I licked a line up his chest. “Yum. Salty. I wasn’t sure if it was sweat or water from a shower.”
