AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Under the dim lights, with distant Italian music playing, I had just about managed to forget the bad stuff when our beautiful waitress appeared.
Rather than greeting us in a normal fashion, the attractive brunette simply looked toward Holden and said, “Oh.”
It didn’t take me long to figure out what was going on.
“I didn’t know you worked here,” he finally said.
“Well, I just started a few weeks ago.” She turned to me. “Uh, hi, I’m Sasha...a friend of Holden’s.”
A friend. Sure.
Seeming flustered, she shook her head. “Anyway, what can I get you guys to drink?”
The table fell silent for a few seconds before Holden said, “I’ll take a glass of cabernet.” He turned to me. “Lala?”
I swallowed. “I’ll have a glass of chardonnay.”
Sasha cleared her throat. “I’ll be right back with those.”
After she walked away, I placed my cloth napkin on my lap. “Well, I would ask who that was, but I’m fairly certain I can put two and two together.”
Holden’s eyes seared into mine. “I didn’t know she worked here. I wouldn’t have taken you here if I did.”
“Why?” I shrugged, trying not to lose my cool. “I mean, what’s the difference? I’ve seen girls at your shows who you used to hook up with. It seems we can’t go anywhere in this city without running into them.” I snorted.
While I know bitterness and jealousy didn’t look good on me, my feelings were impossible to hide. I’d already been struggling with the news that he was going on the road for two weeks. This just added fuel to the fire.
Holden reached for my hand. “I’m fucking sorry.”
Feeling my emotions spiral, I blurted, “Exactly how many women have you slept with?”
His eyes widened.
I couldn’t help it. I’d always been curious.
“I have no problem talking about this, Lala. You know I’m an open person. But the topic upsets you, so I’m curious as to why you’d want to go there right now, when you’re already upset enough as it is?”
My heart hammered against my chest. “Well…I might have this ridiculous number in my head, and maybe it’s not even as bad as I think it is.”
Holden’s face turned a little red. I’d officially made him uncomfortable. That wasn’t my intention. I knew I’d gone too far, but there seemed to be no turning back now.
“The truth is… I don’t know exactly how many women I’ve slept with,” he said after a moment. “I never counted. I was always safe, but there have been…lots. I won’t lie to you.”
“Hundreds?” I asked, as my curiosity continued to get the best of me.
He didn’t say anything.
Oh my God. Thousands?
“Not hundreds plural,” he answered. “But…dozens maybe, if I had to guess.” He exhaled and shook his head. “I never cared about being judged for any of that before. But I do care about your opinion of me.” His face held a serious expression. “I hate that my past keeps coming back to haunt me. But I was who I was. And I hope you know that despite that, nothing has mattered to me as much as being with you right now.”
My chest tightened. I was a horrible human for having shamed him. I suddenly snapped out of my jealous haze enough to see it. “God, I’m sorry, Holden. I’m actually really upset at myself right now for how I’ve handled this conversation.”
“You had every right to ask me that question. I get it, sweetheart. I really do. I couldn’t even handle the thought of you with Warren, let alone if the waiter who came to our table was someone you had been with on top of that. I understand how jealousy feels. I’m just sorry you’ve had to experience this feeling multiple times because of my history. That’s on me.”
“You owe me no apologies, Holden.”
When Sasha came back with our drinks, I vowed to calm down. I tried to accept the fact that she was beautiful. I tried to accept the fact that she had slept with Holden, and I did my best to move on and treat her like I would treat any waitress—not someone who had fucked my boyfriend.
Is he my boyfriend?
At one point, after she’d dropped off our entrees, Holden said, “I appreciate you trying to pretend you’re not upset. But Lala, when your neck turns red, that’s always a dead giveaway. That’s telling me you’re still affected.”
Damn. “It’s not so much that I’m still upset about her,” I admitted. “It’s just that my feelings for you are getting stronger, and I’m sensitized right now to every little thing since you’re leaving. I know it’s not a huge amount of time, but it’s a reminder of what life might be like if we were together.” I took a long sip of my wine. “Just something I’d have to get used to.”
He swallowed uncomfortably, and I knew he understood what I was getting at, even if I hadn’t said it: I still doubted whether he could ever be the type of man who settles down.
