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***
For the next week, Holden and I made every effort to spend each night together and not focus on the fact that he was leaving. We had dinner together every evening after I came home from work, and lots of sex.
But the night before he had to leave for his trip, reality set in hard. The one thing we hadn’t done this week was sleep over at each other’s apartments, because I always had to get up early, and I knew if we spent the whole night together, neither of us would get any rest. But tonight was different.
We were just finishing cleaning up after dinner when Holden wrapped his arms around me from behind.
“I know you need to get up early in the morning, but I really need to spend the night in your bed tonight,” he said.
I turned to face him. “You read my mind. Of course. I don’t need sleep tonight. I just need you.”
“You’re all I need lately…period.” Holden lifted me and carried me to my bedroom, kissing me passionately. As he began to undress me, I raked my fingers through his thick hair, eventually lowering my hands to pull off his shirt. It felt like I couldn’t have him inside of me fast enough.
Once we were naked, we fell lazily onto the bed. Holden locked my hands over my head before entering me in one swift movement. I let out an unintelligible sound of pleasure.
“I don’t want to leave you,” he muttered against my mouth as he slowly fucked me.
I relished every powerful thrust, unsure if this would be the last time we’d have sex for two weeks.
Our bodies rocked together in sync as Holden looked deeply into my eyes and never once moved his gaze away from me. That had to be the sexiest thing he’d ever done—so simple yet so intense.
Jesus. It terrified me how hard I was falling for this man.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispered as he moved in and out. “I’m gonna miss you…” Thrust… “So…” Thrust… “Fucking…” Thrust… “Much.” Thrust.
That undid my resolve. “Come inside me, Holden,” I panted.
His eyes rolled back as he groaned, and I felt the heat from him seep into me as he covered my neck and chest with kisses.
We’d had sex in many ways over the past several days, but this time was special. It felt different, and I didn’t dare mention that to him. Because then I’d have to admit the reason: it felt like he was making love to me, more than just having sex. I didn’t want to scare him away.
After Holden got up to get a towel, he returned to bed, wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me close. We never did have sex again that night. And despite the worries still swirling around in my head, I managed to fall asleep peacefully in his arms.
***
The following morning, I was no longer able to hide my sadness. Holden was set to take a car to the airport about an hour after I left for work. We had to say goodbye now since I was already late.
We stared at each other blankly as we chugged down our coffee.
He shook his head. “I have no desire to leave you. Please tell me we’re going to talk every night and you’re not going to worry about anything when it comes to me. I give you my word that I won’t do anything stupid.” He sighed. “Yes, I was who I was back then. But right now? I’m not him, Lala. I don’t want you stressing while I’m gone.”
My stomach hurt even more knowing he’d felt he had to give me that assurance. That was my fault because of how insecure I’d acted recently. “I trust you, Holden. As much as I sometimes get jealous, please know that it has nothing to do with a lack of trust.”
He took my hands in his. “I want you to call me anytime you feel like you need me—doesn’t matter if you think I’m in the middle of something.” Holden opened his backpack and took out a sheet of paper. “Also, I’ve printed out a detailed itinerary of every place we’ll be and when, along with the contact info in case you can’t reach me on my cell for some reason.” He handed it to me.
This was adorable. I suspected he’d never printed out an itinerary for anyone else in his entire life.
“The guys all know you’re leaving this morning, right?”
He nodded. “They’ve hired a maintenance service to cover for me.” He opened his arms. “Come here. I need to hold you one last time before I leave.”
After leaning my head against his chest for several minutes, I looked up at him.
Holden placed one last firm kiss on my lips. “I already miss you so damn much, and I haven’t even left yet.”
