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“Shhhhh…” he hushed.
A door opened, and I was being lowered. When my feet reached the floor, I knew the identity of my captor, but my body was still in fight-or-flight mode. I was shaking like a leaf, and didn’t know what to do.
“Are you crazy—what’s going on?” I whispered hard, not wanting to awake Chi-Chi.
“Hold,” Jas’ hard, topless frame caged me into the wall. “I need for you to see my face for this.” Within seconds, a light flashed. It was from his phone. I hid my face, the radiance too much. “What happened to your face—were you crying?” his tone alarmed.
That reminded me. I cried myself to sleep. It was a trial of strong will putting Chi-Chi down after Jas, and I had returned to the boat. We played and sang together. I bathed her, then lay with her until she fell out. The moment I caught the pattern of her heavy breathing, my body jerked, and the levy broke. My tears were so ferocious I left her bed for mine. My body trembled so badly I would have surely disturb her sleep. Then to cry in silence was another task. But what could I do? I didn’t want to alarm Amy, and didn’t have the energy to leave the cabin anyway.
I couldn’t look Jas in the face, neither would I lie to him. I was too spent, emotionally wrecked.
“Fuck!” he swore in a throaty whisper. “My spirit ain’t right. I couldn’t sleep.”
I’d finally fallen asleep myself; I now knew. I didn’t even know the time. My head was foggy, and body still coming down from believing I was being abducted.
“I just needed…” Jas hesitated. “Wanted to come kick it with… The shit you said keeps playing in my head.” He took a deep breath, the wind hitting my nipples in the thin camisole. I wondered if Jas had any self-awareness. Our torsos were still touching. Yeah, he may have moved on with another woman, but I was still very much affected by him. “Look. Out of the shit I threw at you out there—all the shit that had been building, and I’m still struggling with—nothing that left my mouth was in the spirit of Christ. That was all me. All flesh talking, and I’m so ashamed. Embarrassed. You might think I’m a hypocrite. The way I walk, the fuckin’ profanity, and the way you said I’ve done shit to make you feel like less of a woman and mother.”
Jas finally detached from me, stepping back until he was against the opposite wall. He dropped his head. The flashlight from his phone was still bright as hell, but my eyes were adjusting.
“You remember Apostle Paul, Ashira?” I immediately recalled all the times when we’d meet up atBrown Barista,and he’d asked me about my biblical knowledge. My ‘no’s’ eventually became embarrassing for someone with a Christian primary education. But quickly and truthfully, I nodded. “Along the way…even before the abortion, I’ve been so damn angry with you. I struggled with my feelings because I loved you for sure, but I’ve been angry, too. And maybe I did—I have—done things to cause you to feel that resentment. I can’t stand here and say I’m sorry, and it’ll never happen again, but I can promise you I know it’s wrong, and I’m working on improving it. You’re the mother of my child, and I shouldn’t be the cause of you feeling anything but respect, and holding you in high esteem.”
Jas seemed to struggle again, and so was I, still reeling from an emotional night and how I’d been awakened. “Now, I can put a name to it…the reason I’ve been so angry, I’m going to work on my heart concerning it. In second Corinthians, chapter twelve, verse eight, the Apostle Paul mentioned having a thorn in his side. Like my thorn is our past. He said he’d prayed to God three times concerning it. He wanted the thorn to depart from him. That’s going to be my prayer moving forward. I can’t promise perfection with my actions, but can guarantee my efforts to stop.”
That’s when I recognized a sliver of the Bible-bumping thug I’d fallen in love with four years ago.
Because of the shadows around us, I couldn’t see clearly into Jas’ face, so I didn’t even try. With a racing heart, I simply nodded.
ChapterSeventeen
Part III
July | Three Years Later
“I’ve gotten her up to eighteen knots!” Lagar, the captain, giggled like a big ass kid. His cheeks turned rosy aside his straggly imperial beard as he tried to cover his mouth without touching his face.
All eyes shot over to Francesco, who was unsmiling.
“Ah, bullocks!” Dansel, the co-captain, challenged. “More like seventeen and a quarter.”
We laughed, standing in the cockpit ofThe Bella.
“Well, we won’t be going that fast tonight,” I assured playfully, holding my cup of mint tea. “I’m going to cruise to maybe fifteen-five on my shift.”
Dansel found that funny. “We’ll see, mate. Once you feel the power beneath your fingers, you’ll be tempted like the rest!”
They cracked up again as I took a sip of my drink. I shook my head. “Man, listen, Francesco won’t be kickin’ me and my family off this bitch in the middle of the Tyrrhenian!” They cracked the hell up. “Word is bond!” I laughed my damn self. “I’mma play it safe.”
“Okay, mate,” Dansel turned to leave the room. “I’m going to hit the washroom, then the galley.” He slapped my shoulder. “Don’t ‘Titanic’ us.”
Lagar followed after him, laughing his ass off.
Tonight was our ninth night onThe Bella, and I’d be taking over for the captains. I’d been looking forward to this since I learned about the boat, its size, engines, and other features. I’d also get a quiet moment alone to think and pray in silence. As the official captain, Francesco would be in and out of here just in case I needed a break, but this evening, I challenged myself to a six-hour shift. That would give the captains a break.
“Daddy!” Chivon shrieked, running straight to my legs.
I scooped her up right away, loving the sight of her wild, wooly hair. “What’re you doing in here, little girl?”
She giggled. “Mommy.”
