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Swallowing the last of my pasta, my head fell to the side. “You know what I think is best for everyone?” I wiped the sides of my mouth. “I think family is best for everyone. I think starting today, I’m only putting my time and effort into people who are village-minded. People who want to unite the family and not divide us. My mother has been back in the States for months and has yet to visit me. To see about me. Now, I have no problem with her spending time with my daughter, but if that privilege has to be removed to protect the integrity of my sister, I will do whatever’s needed to preserve the sanctity of this family.” Grabbing my glass of wine from the table, I warned, “Choose yethisday, Noel, because I already have.”
ChapterTwenty-Two
Part III
July | Three Years Later
“So, of course, this means our sexual affairs will be suspended,” Josie explained. “I’ve been in the high-risk adult world. I’m not returning at this age.”
I nodded, feeling her. Tonight was my first time seeing her face-to-face since I left for Europe. The meeting was long overdue, considering my blunder with Ashira that…I didn’t feel any regret for, even now that I was in her presence.
“I respect that.” My attention went toward the window, watching people pass by the tea shop in Harlem. I pushed the handle to the tea mug back and forth, killing awkward energy.
Josie’s body language felt guarded. Her elbows were over the table, hands clasped together, and shoulders high. Anxiety was all in her eyes and breaths, too. I believed she was trying to keep it cool because I’d been humble about the whole situation. I didn’t give her the energy of a sloppy man because I wasn’t. I’d slipped up. I decided things were done with Ashira and me, perhaps too prematurely. Josie didn’t deserve my miscalculations.
“I mean…” She licked her deep red lips. “What is she saying? Is this the type of thing you two do occasionally? Is Shi-Shi in a relationship? Is this what happens when you two go away as a family? If so, maybe you shouldn’t do it alone.”
I reached across the table for her hand and covered it. “Can I be real?”
She sucked her teeth. “I hope you would.”
“I’m not a perfect man. Not by any stretch. Trust me, Jesus would be personal friends of ours if we lived in His day.” I wouldn’t emphasize how I was the murderer, but Josie understood her past as an escort. “But with relationships? That ain’t my wheelhouse.” I chuckled to myself. “I ain’t got a lot of experience with women. Most of it comes from Ashira. Our situation is complicated—”
“You keep saying that, but from what I heard on that call, sex comes easy.”
“What exactly did you hear?”
“I’m not going there.” She grunted but supplied, “I heard air, sucking and moaning. I heard a vibrator. I heard her call out your name in ecstasy several times. I heard sex, Jas.”
Nodding again, I twisted my lips, processing it all. “Again, I’m sorry about that. I really am.”
“Are you, though?” She laughed. “I’ve been trying to read you…pick up on where you really are with me…with Shi-Shi.”
I massaged her hand, trying to calm her. “I can be real with you and say I really like you, Josie. I really do. You’re smart, funny, hella patient, and gorgeous. I like your grind and humility. I’ve been having a good time with you.”
“Enough to sleep with your baby’s mother?”
“Enough to forget about my craziness with Ashira. You’ve done that this year. When we kick it, I’m here with you. Like now.”
I had her meet me at Frankie’s tea shop for privacy. The topic was delicate, and I didn’t want an audience. I owed Josie my undivided attention. In the haze of my indecision, I wanted her to feel respected and heard.
“And what am I to you? I know we’ve been dating and we…crossed the line a few times with sex, but I need to know your end game with me, and you’ve never said. Am I your girlfriend, your homie…lover…friend?” Her neck extended with that question.
“You’re a cool ass friend, Josie, and that’s all I need right now. I need a good friend.”
“And Shi-Shi?”
She’s a problem…
I shook my head. “I ‘on’t know. Ashira and I could never align with what we want out of life.”
“So, you two aren’t getting back together? That’s not the goal since your family vacation?”
I shook my head again. “Nah.”
“Then what?”
“I really don’t know what. We’re definitely committed to getting along and letting the old resentment and bitterness go. But as for us, this ain’t no romance novel situation. And to be real, I ain’t looking for love. At this point in my life, I’m just looking for understanding.”
