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When it exchanged hands, Chelsea praised her. “Awwww! Munchkin!” She hugged Chi-Chi from behind her desk, wiggling her little body.
We’d just arrived to the clinic Jas’ cousin owned and ran in Harlem. I pledged my winnings from theIDCcompetition to her facility when my troupe registered to participate. The money took weeks to process, and I was finally ready to make good on my promise. Having been beyond proud of Chelsea’s work and vision, employing a team to implement medical research specifically for issues striking the Black community disproportionately, I was compelled to support.
Two years ago, she secured a location and with funding from sponsors, was able to hire three physicians, a pharmacist, a second medical researcher, and three drivers to tend to underserved and unserved local residents. It was one of the most badass things I’d seen a woman I personally knew do. So, of course, I’d find ways to help out. Funding meant the lifeline for organizations and services like this.
“Chi-Chi,” I heard called just over my shoulder, and like always, I answered, believing it was for me. Jonathan, Jas’ younger cousin, tossed his chin to my daughter, his approach to her with its usual tenderness. He looked handsome, too, in a white v-neck scrub top and khaki pants. “You still turning up for your born day?” With her finger near her mouth, Chi-Chi nodded, not appreciating an ounce of that question. “A’ight. Let’s go get some lollipops. I’ll give you three for ya birthday. C’mon.”
Slowly, Chi-Chi made her way over to his waiting hand. When she met him, she paid me a last glance.
“It’s okay. But just one for now. I’m sure it’ll wake you up.” I smiled at her.
“She good?” Jonathan asked.
I nodded. “She slept the ride over and needs a few minutes.”
“Oh!” He wiggled their joined hands. “I got some sugar for that, lil’ momma.” His wrinkled face lifted to me. “You good, Shi-Shi?”
I nodded, too embarrassed to say more.
Everyone probably knows…
When they left the office, I turned to Chelsea’s desk and tried for a smile.
“You have no idea how much this means to me.” Chelsea waved the envelope in the air. “And just to think, your team could have taken this and split it amongst yourselves, but instead, you donated here and hadInternational Dance Competitiondouble it!” She pulled it to her chest as she pouted emotionally, expressing how the gesture made her feel. “I can’t say thanks enough.”
“Neither can I tell you how much of a pleasure it is to be able to do it. Don’t think you’re robbing my troupe. We get paid handsomely when we do tours, award shows, and things like that.IDCisn’t about the money so much as it is the title.” I shrugged. “We got ours. If donating means hiring and motivating young ‘Jonathans,’ I can’t wait to do more.”
“That’s because Jas cut into his butt,” Chelsea scoffed, rolling her eyes. “…telling him his time as a kid was officially over.”
Jonathan returned to his studies and became a pharmacy technician a little more than a year ago. He was also enrolled in college to hopefully complete his goal of becoming a pharmacist. I hadn’t seen anything to the contrary but had witnessed Jas’ threats to him as though Jonathan had fallen off the wagon.
My eyes involuntarily rolled away at the mention of his name. Chelsea dropped the envelope into a drawer. Taking a deep breath, she planted her elbows on the desk, bringing her fists to her penny-hued cheeks. “You okay?” Then her chin dipped. “I heard about the other night.”
My stomach turned, and I swallowed deeply, immediately irritated. “Has everyone heard?”
“A few in the family, yup. The ‘block’ knows because a few people from it were there in action.”
“A pack of faceless goons being led by the master thug himself,” I murmured. When Chelsea’s head fell to the side, I cringed. “I’m sorry. I know they’re your loved ones.”
“They are, and yet I understand what they represent to people withoutHarlem Pride. That was not Jas’ best decision. I’m sure you’re hurt and embarrassed for your ex. I heard he got banged up a bit.” Her face dropped into a standing fist. “I hate that I’m saying this, but it could have been worse. I’ve seen them ravish grown men beastly, causing permanent damage. And I mean some unfair, inhumane shit I don’t want to describe. Jas handled him alone, which—” Her head seesawed left to right as she contemplated. “—this timewas safe for him. But I’m not with Jas not allowing you to have your own life. It all feels toxic and controlling.”
I scoffed, eyes toward the pen holder on her desk. “What was most astounding wasn’t Austin being confronted. After a day of consideration, I had to remember that fucker not only cheated on me, but put my health and life at risk of a bug I could possibly not be able to get rid of. Not only that, he hid away for years afterwards.” Yeah, Jas told him to stay away, but Austin made the task seem too easy. “The fact of Jas being an asshole about another man he has reasons for not respecting and not wanting around his child… Bullshit,butbullshit I could live with; men are egotistical fucks.
“No. What really concerns me is that deathly violent beast being veiled by a thin layer of discipline. It’s the one I’d sensed in him before we ever became intimate. It’s the one I’d seen when my life was endangered onRed’s Island—something I could process. That violent monster is still alive and well in him. How can I reconcile my future with him as his child’s mother?” Not to mention I offered to have another child with Jas at Chi-Chi’s party. “What does that mean for me—Chi-Chi?Thatshit terrifies me. What keeps that vile beast within him tamed?” I shook my head, eyes dilated from entrancement.
“Are you regretful about having a baby with him? Like…ashamed?”
Ghosted, I shook my head and whispered, “He showed just how little respect he has for me. How easy it is for him to humiliate me that way in front of my friends and his. And you know what?” My mouth twisted as my eyes rolled close. “I’m embarrassed…ashamed that I’m not regretful. That’s not who Jas is—has—to be. I didn’t meetthatguy. I didn’t fall in love, head over heels, with a nefarious goon. I didn’t trust my child’s future to one either.” I thought of the frightening sleepwalking he’d do.Shit. I remembered the desperate things I’d done to get him to return to full consciousness. The foreign language he’d speak when praying. The fact that the man didn’t consume alcohol or take drugs. He ravished Austin with a sober mind. The man wailed in fear like a child. All of the scary shit adding up. “Who is Jas?Who?” My throat trembled with fear and self-pity as I finally peered up to Chelsea.
With sympathy in her eyes, she answered, “He’s my hero. My gentle beast who has not faltered from his self-imposed responsibility to look out for me since we were kids. Yes, he has a flip side to his personality. I knew from a very young age my family had a penchant for violence, with Jas being the ringleader. But I’ve also seen him be fair, animatedly generous, and loyal.Boy!And when he was in prison, the man transformed himself like nothing anyone could ever believe. And that’s when he provided us security he couldn’t before, never being locked away from us for long periods. Yeah, he funded my educational degrees while inside, and he was enlightened while there, too, but that distance from him was a lot on some of us.”
Chelsea’s forehead creased as her head shifted to the side. “Now, I personally didn’t grow up in church or with religious discipline.” She swiped her hand in the air dismissively. “God was acknowledged, but not necessarily ‘followed’ in my household. But honey, when Jas began to write to me about his mental transformation and spiritual reconstruction, I didn’t need to see it to believe it; I felt it. Drastic changes in beliefs and behaviors are considered weak in our family. The street is your spouse, money is your mistress, and law enforcement is the opposition. There’s no God, Buddha, Allah, or Mother Teresa. If Jas said he was now a man of God, it had to be real. He’d never risk the weakness that could be perceived from his family.” Her nod was soft but emphatic. “I hold on to that when I hear about his old ways rearing their head.”
“Old ways? As in plural?”
Chelsea sighed, blinking fast. “I shouldn’t havesaid—”
“But you did! That man brutally beat my ex-boyfriend. He makes money off his face. His cousin told me about the NDAs they’re enforcing at medical facilities to keep his treatments in confidence. The project he’s working on has to be postponed now. Again, I’m not crying any rivers for Austin, but what Jas did was traumatizing!”
