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The morning they were due to leave, I was beyond tired when preparing to ride with them to the airport, wanting to get in as much time with my baby as possible and to break some painful news to Jas. Out of nowhere, Jas ordered the driver to take us toParc des Buttes Chaumont. The park grounds were endless, I knew. I was immediately angered, already in my anxiety bag from the upcoming separation and our impending conversation. Annoyed, I obeyed when Jas asked me to go for a walk. Not too far into it, he asked me to put Chi-Chi down. Not understanding, I still obeyed. My baby fell immediately. In fact, she fell three times on the grass. But on her fourth try, she succeeded, walking an impressive distance all the way to a tree.
Trailing behind her nervously, I cried.Sobbedas my girl laughed her way to the twenty-foot tree.
When I had made it to her, I squatted at her side, then found Jas, Amy, and his security on their way over. He sported a measured grin, but the sparkle in his eye as he held a camera couldn’t be missed. It had become his new toy as a father, his camera. Gripping it with both hands, he held it back on his shoulders.
“You didn’t want Mommy to miss it.” He beamed at baby Chi-Chi.
That’s when I realized the purpose of Jas’ trip to Paris.
“Was this her first time?”
Jas nodded, full lips closed and cheeks spread joyously.
He’d wanted our baby’s first walk to be witnessed by me, too. I’d already missed so much in pursuit of “having it all.” The pride on his face melted my heart. It was another considerate act Jas had committed to help me along in motherhood, and I was grateful. I’d never see the unmitigated happiness he expressed at that moment again. After we left the park, the airport was the next stop, where I shared with him news neither one of us was ready for.
“And you had Basso recreate it,” I more or less commented to myself.
Last I heard, Basso didn’t prefer re-creations. He liked live models like Kim Kardashian, Brielle, Miley Cyrus, Dale, J.Lo, Idris Elba, and Ragee. He’d done loads of celebrities, and his wait list was impossible. That explained why it was new. It had likely taken that long to have Basso start and complete it. Now the beautiful image was the central focus of his home office.
“I made the wall,” I fake cheered in a whisper.
“Mommy!” Chi-Chi whined, snapping me out of my head. “Biscuits!”
“Oh,” I sighed, eyes closing in frustration at my ridiculous stupor. “Right, baby.” I dipped down to pick her up, placing my baby on my hip. “Biscuits, here we come! But first, we wash our hands.”
Chi-Chi waved her little hands in the air, attempting to sing the hand-washing song. “Clean hands. Clean hands. Bye-bye, germs. Go away…”
ChapterTwo
Part III
February | Three Years Later
“Shi-Shi,” I heard, then felt a gentle nudge at my arm. “Shi-Shi, Borys is outside waiting.” Consuela’s thick accent fully awakened me. “Your flight leaves in an hour.”
An hour?
I sat up, feeling my baby’s warm little body curled next to me. Blinking, I nodded to Consuela in disbelief. I was only supposed to close my eyes for a few minutes. I knew I shouldn’t have tried, but I wasn’t ready to leave her. We’d been having too much fun together.
“Okay,” I whispered, then tried to fix my eyes on my sleeping angel.
Chi-Chi and I baked buttermilk biscuits then cleaned up after ourselves. She helped with as much as she could. We invited Juggy up and together, we sat at the kitchen table near the glass doors leading out to the patio. Chi-Chi, from her high chair, was able to dress her biscuits in either strawberry or orange jam. Juggy and I helped her with the honey, not wanting her to make a mess of it. As we drank tea from theBaccarattea set my mother sent up for Chi-Chi, she drank from a plastic tea cup, not knowing the difference. My baby loved tea and biscuits. While I cooked with her when home, I didn’t teach her this combination. I suspected it was my mother or aunt, Rose, who had her in the kitchen when she’d visit.
Then I washed and blow-dried her hair. I braided it up while Chi-Chi colored in her book with crayons. I knew I didn’t have the time, but wasn’t ready to part from her then. Once done, I told myself I’d put her down for a nap and wait until she fell asleep to creep out. So, we lay on the full-sized bed in her room for when I stayed over, and I rubbed Chivon’s back to get her to fall asleep. Boy, was that a bad idea. I’d been under-rested, thanks to my travel back home for this funeral.
Now, as I peered down on my baby’s reposed body, observing the fine hairs of her sideburns and her jumping lids, sadness began to fall upon me. My time with her was over. Again. She’d awaken to the fumes I’d leave behind.Again.
Having it all didn’t feel so good.
I watched as Borys took his seat across from me on the jet. Bob, my security, sat in the oversized seat behind me. Pensive, I gazed out of the window, watching the grounds people shuffle beneath.
“Damn, I’m tired,” Borys yawned. “But I’m glad we made it on time. I’m surprised you missed stopping by the studio. The girls weren’t happy.”
I nodded. Not only did I miss the dance studio, but I didn’t make it to my club either. There were papers needing to be signed by me. I was sure I’d be hearing about that soon, too. It was no biggie; I’d just have to do it electronically.
“You good over there, Shi-Shi?” Marie, one of the dancers from Jersey wanting to take the turnaround trip with us, asked.
I nodded, lying. It wasn’t that somethingwas bothering me. I just felt off. It was weird, but I’d never left for work feeling this bereft. I’d just left too much energy—leaving it here—and it didn’t feel right. My baby girl would be without me for nearly another month, Juggy’s health had not been improving a bit, and Jas seemed more distant than ever.
