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My body whipped to face her. “Thanks to you, I have, Kelly-Ann.” My delivery less animated, though I was seething.
“Don’t fucking talk to her like I ain’t right here and I ain’t a grown ass man!” Kelvin took a step closer to me.
I took a step closer to him, refusing to allow the monkey on his back to intimidate me. “Well, grown ass man, with his ‘suspicious, chain-smoking, junkie friend’ waiting outside for him by his mamma’s car, why were you calling me?”
“Because you’re my fucking wife, Len!” he barked. “You forget that? I go to use my card yesterday to get some snacks at the gas station, and it kept coming up declined.”
I rolled my eyes, massaging my forehead. “That happens when you’ve reached the limit, Kelvin.”
“Limit? How am I at my limit, but you up in Jersey, at homecoming?”
“Because I work, Kelvin. I pay my credit card bill andyours.”
A reddish-pink hue shaded the borders of his constricted, green irises. “You have money to spend, but I don’t. What type of sense does that make?”
It was the attempt at logic that snapped me out of my anger. I couldn’t do this. Wouldn’t. I had to claw my way out of this cycle of gloom I’d found myself in. This. This is what I’d be doing when I could no longer bare children. The fighting over money and accountability with a family that wasn’t mine would be what I’d be doing when my hair began to gray. I’d be exhausted, fighting to pay for Scott’s college tuition and then his portion for his wedding. By that time, Kelvin could be dead, and I’d still be here, burned out and bitter. I’d be far more uninspired and desolate than I was before…
Before Tobias re-entered my world and rekindled a passion I’d totally forgotten I possessed. Before that, I’d been functioning in a dark world, only seeing light when at work. My life was monotonous, filled with dread and emptiness.
Last week, into this morning wasn’t about sex. It wasn’t totally about escape either. With the advice of my therapist, this year, the point of my annual trip was to mentally and emotionally take a step away from under the umbrella and feel the rain. Yes, I threw in the possibility of sex, something I knew blindsided Tobias, and was specifically what my therapist advised against. However, it felt good to be selfish and make a decision for me.
And it started in a moment like this where all of my roommates and dependents were all around. It happened with the adjutant of my misery glaring down on me, taunting me, and waiting for my next move.
I took a deep breath, deciding on my next words.
“None. It makes none, Kelvin.”
“Good.” He scoffed, eyeing the new piece around my neck. “Then give me a few dollars so I can pay Billy back what he had to kick out for me when my card came up declined.”
“What happened to your cash, Kelvin?” My questions were repetitive, at this point, when he asked for cash. “You get money at the top of every month. Where did it go?”
“I got robbed.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, but this month you were robbed, last month, you lost it—”
“Gambling!” he shouted. “I lost the shit gambling, yeah. Damn! You like this game of reducing me to a kid like I’m Scott. I’m a grown fucking man!” he barked, stabbing his finger toward the floor.
Remain calm…
You were built to survive this…
Out of nowhere, a pale hand appeared, holding a bundle of cash. “Here,” Scott grumbled. “It’s all I’ve got.”
Kelvin’s wild eyes shot from the cash to me. While staring him dead in the face, I moved Scott’s arm away, declining his offer.
“Absolutely not again,” I made clear. “Kelvin, you need to get back into treatment.”
“I’m not going back to that hellhole!” He fingered his loose coils, and I subconsciously wondered when was the last time he’d been groomed. “I don’t need treatment. You know I’m just fucked up about my career.”
“And what are you doing about it, Kelvin?”
He grew visibly agitated, face screwed. “I spoke to Coach Cal. He said he’d see me soon.”
“Soon,” I repeated, entertaining this conversation in front of his mother and nephew purposely. “Did Coach Cal tell you exactly when he’d see you and what he’d be looking for?”
Kelvin shook his head, exhaling roughly. “No!” he whined. “His assistant—” His mouth twisted tightly. “I didn’t speak to him. I’ll call this week. We’ll talk.”
“About what, Kelvin?”
