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She wanted peace, some shit she disturbed in my life eight…nine years ago. And here I was, fucked up, unable to move on from this shit. I loved Lennox. She was that fire in me I thought I managed to put out when she left for North Carolina to marry Richardson. And now, I was back here, visiting the mentally-compromised woman who caused the second most fucked up dilemma of my life.
Eleven fucking days.
I hadn’t eaten much or slept well in eleven fucking days. My last smell of her…sight and taste of Lennox was eleven days ago. She hadn’t called, and neither had I. Something felt different. This shit was different. Since our first kiss when she’d leave, I’d allow my pride to flare, angry about her belonging to another man. This time, my thoughts were to give her a chance to choose me. She did, after all, say she’d return to me ‘soon.’ Whatever the fuck that meant, I had to give her space to make her decision.
But…
Fuck! It had been hard after having made love to her. After hearing her cries of pleasure and the evidence of it squirting onto my tongue. I’d finally gotten a chance to taste her garden, some shit I was too young and inexperienced to do when I met her years ago. The thing I tried to get up the courage to do, but had the time fucking snatched away because ofthislady.
Lennox wasn’t just the typical girl a guy crushed on. She wasthatfucking one for me. I’d had the distinct privilege of snagging more than my fair share of women. I was a fit guy with money and influence, and not all that bad looking in the face. Women weren’t a fixation for me. They were endless wells for companionship and sensual exercise. I fucked a lot. And I fucked well. My pallet for sex was particular, and I had found my tribe of women just as specific.
Women were the salt of the earth, necessary to sustain human existence. I truly respected them. But I was no needy man. I was no sap for companionship or romance. In fact, there were many things I enjoyed and preferred over the years as a single man. But when you added Lennox to the equation, division turned into wild multiplication, sending my ass over the bridge in a damn straight jacket. I was up here, at a nursing care facility like a damn lovesick teenager or worse: one of those guys in sappy ass romance movies. This woman wasn’t well. There wasn’t shit she could do for me.
“Okay, Pastor Williams.” The aide had returned. “How are we feeling?” She went straight into the kitchen to place a tray of what I assumed to be meds down on the counter.
“Tired.” Pastor Williams shook her head, face squeezing to communicate her irritated mood. “I need to lay down.”
“Okay.” The woman looked my way as she approached the pastor.
Before she could speak, I nodded my understanding the visit was over.
I watched as she assisted the pastor to her feet and, eventually, they took off to the back of her suite. Just as I stood to leave, I heard, “You know, now I remember.” I glanced over to her. Pastor Williams craned her neck over her shoulder to see me. “I helped out in good marriages. There was this…beautiful young lady. Had natural curly hair like mine—” She giggled. “—like mine is under these wigs. Now that I think about it…” Her eyes squinted. “She had the most gorgeous eyes; something like mine, too. Short little thing, but so pretty. Anyway… She was being courted by a basketball or football player. That man had a bright future ahead of him, and he wanted this young lady in my church. I encouraged them to become one.”
She shrugged. “They’re still married till this day. Happy, too, I bet.” Then her face tightened again. “I wonder if they had any children. You and that young man need to go find her. She’ll tell you, I’m all for healthy marriages. Should be easy to find her. I bet that husband of hers is a big superstar now.” Slowly, Pastor Williams turned forward, and they continued their stroll to her bedroom.
The woman was officially living on a different planet. The defective decisions she made in the past no longer existed in her orbit. If she couldn’t remember the year and decision she made that had affected my life so drastically, why should my ass still hold on to the resentment for it? I decided to let the shit go.
After a deep breath, I left Pastor Williams to her mental capacity, vowing to never see the woman again. It was pointless. I didn’t exist in her world. Didn’t now. Never had.
ChapterNine
“Okay,” I took a deep breath, attention going over to the clock posted over the door of the conference room. “I told you I’d try to have you out of here before lunch.” My eyes gazed over the room of twenty-seven vexed directors and vice presidents of the hospital system.
They hated me in the moment, I understood. It came with my role, so I’d typically allow it to roll off my back. Today, my resolve was compromised after a three and a half hour training. I introduced and mandated a new program in our electronic system to maintain quality control, something not uncommon for my role as the vice president of quality and risk management. A part of my job was to seek out and research tools to help the facility minimize waste and maximize quality care for its constituents.
My job.
Never in a million years, when I was back in undergrad studying nursing, did I believe I’d be in administration. I wanted to take care of the sick and teach proper healthcare. I wanted to be a nurturer. Instead, my educational path afforded me an opportunity to earn well, all to be a regulator in the field. Again, I wasn’t qualified for this role when it availed itself. However, for more than two years, I worked my ass off to prove I had not only been capable to fill the shoes, but personified the title. This meant I had few friends here at work. I’d been able to shield myself against the acrimony, but as of late, my defenses had been compromised.
My clothes had been fitting looser, and my body had been fatigued from working out twice a day. I hadn’t been sleeping much. My brain would not shut down to allow for daily restarts. But work? Work had been a natural function, a respite from my domestic turbulence. Until lately.
Today, I inched my way through this training, frequently checking the clock. I needed alone time. There was so much to work out, so many possibilities to sift through. My brain was on fire, and my body was tense and stiff at times.
“If there will be no more questions…” My attention circled faceless bodies, waiting for one. After seconds long, I closed. “Okay. Thanks for your time today. Take the weekend to enjoy, and on Monday, the new features will be installed and integrated into the IIS database.” I offered a neck bow before turning to my assistant, silently requesting she collect and pack up my work tools.
I threaded through grumbling, white coats and stiff suits, and began down the hall to the bank of elevators on the other end of the building. This was my common practice to give my colleagues the privacy they wanted to curse my ass out for adding to their workloads. Just as I turned the corner, Ross Lane, the chief of operations for the hospital system appeared.
I didn’t expect to see him. He was due to be in an even more intense meeting. Today, the chiefs were in their semi-annual check-in with the head of the hospital systems. Our operations team had always taken the bulk of the agenda, meaning the heat was on us to eliminate waste and preserve budgets. Why was Lane moseying around the hall? His thin lips curled into a smile when our eyes met, arms folded over each other.
“I heard you’d been in a meeting,” he began as I slowed near him.
Straightening my shoulders, I returned, “You mean returning home from war within an inch of my life?”
Lane snorted. “It was a great call you made, rolling out the new features on the IIS. I didn’t think the time was right, but as our golden girl here, you’re always two steps above the fray.”
The term “golden girl” reminded me of what Kelvin had once been to Raleigh. And thinking of that reminded me of how I landed this gig. Feeling my cell phone vibrate in my hand, my appreciative smile was grim.
Then Lane pivoted, looking away. “Take the rest of the day off, Lennox. Your shoulders are visibly heavy. Your countenance is twisted into a knot. You need detangling. You can unwind from time to time, you know?”
