AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Because…” He seemed to have been searching for his words. “This type of curation requires a level of experienced passion.”
I smiled. “You’re right.”
With a grin, Dale squinted. “Okay. Answer me this: were you in love with your daughter’s mother?”
“Nah. Just a body I caught. Wrong time; wrong body.”
“So, how you write the shit you do—compose the fire you do, and you ain’t never been in love?” He laughed again.
I gave up on the sequence and turned to him. Rubbing my wet palms over my sweats, I wondered how long we’d been at it. It was Saturday, the day after Lennox ran out of here like a bat out of hell. I hadn’t heard from her. A-fucking-gain… This time felt different. I wouldn’t allow too much time or distance between us. I’d finally got up around one in the afternoon after finishing up with Dale at four in the morning. I texted her while waiting on Dale to return to do more recording this evening and hadn’t heard back yet. I’d been checking my phone all session. I wanted to spend some time with her while down here. Even if I couldn’t take her out, just kicking it with her had been my favorite pastime since reconnecting with Lennox a few years ago.
“I never said I wasn’t in love, D. I’ve been in love like two…three times.”
He smirked. Then Dale swiped his nose contemplatively. “And you never…married any of ‘em?”
There was confusion in his tone. Dale was in his mid-forties. Marriage was en vogue for his generation. With mine, it had been fading out. There was no real value to marriage. Too many of my peers didn’t see the benefit of combining lives legally and spiritually. We were at war with each other: fuck love. Sex, criticizing, and outsmarting one another was how we engaged. Were those my rules of engagement? No. But it was indeed the race I was in with my female counterparts.
“Nah.” I fingered my beard, thinking about the faceless women I’d fucked against the many passionate ones I’d found a genuine connection with, in and outside of the bed. “Marriage for me means forever. I see beautiful women with insightful life-views who know who they are from time-to-time.” I smiled at him. “Those are my least favorite.”
“Why?”
“Because even after realizing they were above average, I still felt no inspiration to take the relationship further.” I shook my head, eyes locked on a random speaker on the wall. “They weren’t ‘the one.’ You know what I mean?” I looked at him.
Dale chuckled. “Shit. Now you’ve fucked me up. You were in love with them, but they weren’t the one?”
“They weren’t.” I admitted. “There’s a difference.”
Laughing, he pulled up a rolling stool and sat a few feet away from me. “School me, my nigga.”
Shaking my head, I laughed at my damn self. “I ain’t about to drop no deep jewels, my G. My shit’s been fucked up since I was a kid. I met my “one” before I could fuck her properly. I say that to say, I was so young. And from that experience, no others after it have compared. Love will grow you the hell up. Real love will force-teach you patience. Shit, man, true love will have you craving a woman for years, knowing she’s giving her body to another nigga.”
“Fuck!” Dale whispered before whistling. “And what do you do with that?”
“You use love to just wait it out.” Then I laughed. “You’re forced to study love, to extrapolate that shit. Break it up to break it down in lyrics and melodies.Shit!Love has leant itself to hooks on rap albums for me—the ugly side of it.” I shrugged. “The feel goods and the resentment all come from the same place.” I covered my heart with my palm.
Dale looked stunned. Brows high and eyes wild. “Yooooooo.” I hated to sound so fucking sappy, but I’d also learned love was pure, so it required honesty. That’s what I conveyed to the artists I produced for. You can’t address love without being real about who you are and what you’re feeling. Did I have my days where I felt like a sappy sucker? Hell fucking yeah! Those were probably the days I didn’t call or text. I’d just go into my cocoon. But that place was cold and lonely. My truth was giving my all, including my understanding, to love. That would draw me out of the cocoon to get back to my truth.Shewas my truth. My love. “What’s the craziest shit you’ve done for love?”
My eyes snapped up, thoughts recalibrated. It took a few seconds for me to consider that. I’ve tricked a lot on love. It was my joy. I gifted the women I loved with toys that made them happy. Trips, bags, watches, shoes—all of that was in my trick bag. But participating in that type of love language wasn’t crazy. Crazy was shit I’d only done with one woman.
“Okay. I got you.” I pulled at the ends of my beard. “The craziest shit I’ve done for love was drive over eight hours to a different state with a gang of Bloods to run up on the O.G.’s daughter’s husband.”
“What was y’all running up on him for? He hit her?”
“The nigga was a pill head. Heavy. He was talking crazy to the O.G.’s daughter. Doing crackhead shit…fuckin’ up the money…stressing her the fuck out. O.G. got word and rounded up his crew. I so happened to be in the room when he called my uncle.” Out of nowhere, I busted out laughing. “No shit: I was at my grams’ house, telling her how I got invited to play at a party for Erika Erceg. You know her and her family had just gotten poppin’ around that time—”
“And she was fuckin…” Dale cut me off snapping his fingers. “Shirez.”
“Nah. This was before Shirez. She was fuckin’ with D-Struct.”
His eyes went wild. “Yoooo! You know who almost fucked D-Struct up?” I gestured with my face. I didn’t know. “Divine!” He laughed. “You know who that is. Right? A.D.? Azmir Jacobs, man!”
The lightbulb clicked on in my head. “Oh, shit!” I’d just met him.
Dale nodded while laughing. That’s when I understood women were right: men gossip just as much, if not more, than them. That was exactly what this had turned into. It was easy when the Ercegs were the topic. Those Syrian, female-dominated reality show giants would bring it out of you, especially us. Dale and I were two Black men in the industry—he more so than me. Dale was a legend. Had been in the game since about age fourteen. Aside from all of that, the Ercegs—with the exception of one daughter—loved Black men. They were always checking for brothers, which made everything they did gossipy for barbershop chat.
“Yeah. He was with his ex for a long ass time before he married the one he’s with now. But the ex fucked around on him with D-Struct.”
That’s when it clicked. “I ain’t heard from or about that nigga in years.”
