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“It has to do with the fact that I’ve been married to a man—”
Kelly-Ann cut me off, throwing her hand in the air dismissively. “Oh, c’mon! It was for his money. Girl, they were all lined up. You were chosen because you were pretty and was in school. You knew what you were signing up for!”
“Do you hear yourself as a woman?” I asked her, clutching my things to my chest. “You’ve just confirmed my suspicion all these years. He never married me for noble reasons. He brought me down to his hometown and has ignored, embarrassed, and belittled me for eight years. But I was chosen because I’m pretty? Do you remind him of that every time you hear him call me ugly? Your son has taken from me all these years. And at best, he what? Paid for a few semesters of my school? He’s stolen from me—”
“He’s stolen from me, too, Lennox!” Kelly-Ann was red now.
“Yeah!” Marcia echoed the nerve of a sentiment.
“But he’s your son,” I made clear, trembling in my heels at this point. “Not mine. I’ve done this longer than I should have. I’ve wasted my youth with a man who doesn’t accept accountability. He gets angry that I exist. Angry that I beg him to do better. Angry that I don’t allow him to drain my bank account or my identity as a woman. He gives nothing!” I shouted. “He validates nothing! He produces nothing! He inspires nothing! He only tears down. And you, as a woman, want to judge me for simply surviving his shit?”
“He’s surviving you!” Kelly-Ann returned. “And he’s my only living son. My other one’s dead from choosing the wrong girl. You think I won’t fight for my last living child? You’re the problem, Lennox, and I’ve had enough. I’ll be moving out ASAP. He goes, then I go!”
Rachel laughed. “You forget your grandson lives there, too?”
“He don’t need her!” Kelly-Ann turned to leave. “We don’t need your shit no more, Lennox. None of us!”
My feet began to move. Swiftly, I was into the cramped living room and headed to the door. I could hear animated chatter happening behind me, but couldn’t feel my lungs to breathe. All I felt was a need to escape. Once again, I found myself in self-protective mode. When I felt attacked by my husband, I’d hang tight emotionally until I was alone and could process the pain. Kelvin wasn’t the pitcher of venom today. In his wake, his family doled it out.
I felt betrayed. For eight years, I’d never felt like family, but never felt better than Kelvin’s either. I assimilated, spending time with his family, and helping out when I could. I accepted Scott, and even assisted with money for the family when asked. No, I didn’t think I was one of them. But I did expect honesty when it came to me dealing with their troubled relative. I expected women to have compassion for women.
After throwing myself into the car, I tossed my purse, phone, and laptop into the passenger’s seat. A single thought occurred, and without any preamble or hesitation at all, I reached for my phone. With a shaky hand, I tapped away.
I stopped the track and rewound it again. As I rode on the passenger’s side this holiday afternoon, I played with a record I’d been working on for Dale. Something was missing. Hitting play, I closed my eyes behind myAsè Garbsunglasses and listened for the lead up to the bridge. I stopped and rewound it again.
Next to me, driving my car, Charlie readjusted himself in his seat. I threw him a hard ass stare. If he even moaned the wrong way, I’d cuss his ass out. He had myi7for the past two days. I’d told him a thousand times not to smoke in or around my property. If he loved weed, I didn’t need to know it. When he came to pick me up this morning to drive up to Sparta, I smelled traces of it in my shit. And it wasn’t on him. The scent was coming from my ride.
I wish your big ass would say something…
Charlie knew not to even look my fucking way. I hit rewind again. Taking a deep breath, I absorbed every harmony, drum—the entire melody. Instinctively, I began to hum notes, adding a melodic layer. I zoned out, opening my brain to all of the elements. Ideas began to flow.
Then the music cut.
My eyes shot open and caught when theBluetoothwas alerting me of a call.
“A call from Lennox. ShouldI—”
“Yes!” I damn near barked at the dashboard.
“Okay. Answering.”
The call couldn’t connect fast enough. “Hello?” I asked, too hard and too soon.
“Tobias?” her voice thick, volume low. Lennox had been crying.
“Yeah. What’s good? Where are you?”
It took her a second or two before she answered, “I’m in Raleigh.” She sniffled. “Outside Kelvin’s family’s house.”
My body coiled tightly in the car seat. “What’swrong—did he hit…” I sounded too thirsty and needed to calm the hell down.
“No.” The cry in her throat more evident. “He’s in a program. His family… I just got into it with Kelly-Ann. She’s moving out. She blamed me for…everything. She called me cold. Me!” She cried.
“Where are you going?”
“I—” She hesitated. “I don’t know. I’m just so angry. I feel so blindsided, Tobias! What woman feels that way about another woman? A young woman? I swear, days like this I wish I had my mother…”
My eyes closed and I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Head to the airport.”
