Page 8 of Notch Afraid


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She came in sometime after that, reeking of alcohol and bad decisions. I turned on the light when I heard her bump into the wall for the millionth time. She looked up at me like I’d caught her doing something dirty. Heels in hand, beautiful as hell, and wearing a dress I’ve never seen before, she captivated my attention. She hadn’t worn something so revealing since before I’d met her.

“That’s not the dress you were supposed to be wearing tonight.” I could see every curve of her body. The purple dress clung to her like Elmer’s Glue, accenting parts of her that other people weren’t allowed to see.

“No, it’s not. It is my favorite color, though.” She popped her black lipstick coated lips at me, inching along the wall. She made it to the closet where she discarded her clothes and stumbled to the bed in black lace panties.

“Those are my favorite.” I nodded in her direction.

Corinne snickered. “Sure, whatever.”

I could sense tension from her so I didn’t push my chances. I opted not to bother her tonight, since she wasn’t exactly coherent. She fell asleep quickly, and I held her through the night. I woke up to the dresser drawers closing and Corinne rushing around the room. She was pulling clothing from everywhere and stuffing them into bags as she moved. Tears lined her face, and she seemed to be oblivious to me being awake.

“Corinne? What’s going on?”

“Let me guess, Tina, right?”

“What?”

“The reason you stood me up at the restaurant last night? She needed you for something,again.Didn’t she?”

“Corinne–”

“Answer the question!” She shouted. “Be honest with yourself. You say that you don’t know why I get upset when you forget to text or call me to let me know what’s going on. Time and time again, you’ve promised to put me first! Please. Please! Explain how you put me first last night.”

I swallowed my words, knowing that there wasn’t shit I could say to get me out of this. I had done exactly what she said. Tina called crying with an emergency and everything else was pushed aside. Now wasn’t the time to explain to her how close me and Tina were. It would just make her angrier. Even though there was nothing happening between the two of us, Corinne wasn’t convinced. To her, that was the only reason I seemed to forget everything else in the world when she called. It wasn’t the truth.

“Say something!” Her voice and her tears begged me to defend myself. It pleaded with me to protect her from what I’d done. She needed me to be her knight in shining armor.

I couldn’t be.

“Are you going to tell me again that there isn’t anything going on between the two of you?”

“There isn’t. I wouldn’t cheat on you. You’re more than enough. There’s no need to go looking for something I’m getting at home.”

“Then I guess I should continue packing my shit.” She huffed and began stuffing things into the bag she was holding.

“Wait, no.” I stood up, finally understanding what she was doing. “You can’t go.”

“You said it yourself. There’s no need to go looking for something I’m getting at home. Since I’m not, then there is no excuse why I should be here.”

I pulled the bag from her hands and moved in close. “Don’t do this, Corinne.”

“When will you understand the hard truth? I sat in a restaurant waiting for you for an hour. Then I realized you weren’t coming, so I ordered food anyway. Another hour later, you hadn’t bothered to call or text me back to say a single thing. So I called a friend who picked me up, paid for my food, because you had my wallet in your car. She convinced me to go out and have fun, and drink away my sorrows. You never contacted me. Never even bothered to say I’m sorry. Seven, does that sound like the actions of a man who puts his woman first?”

“No.” I didn’t bother lying to her. There was no excuse for what I’d done. I’d even convinced myself that talking about it in person was better than a call or a text. It was better for me… For her, it’d been the nail in the coffin that killed our relationship.

I pressed my forehead to hers. “Corinne, I am sorry. I don’t know how to show you that you do come first. I keep fucking this up.”

“You do.” She pressed her hands to the sides of my face, taking a kiss that made me long for more of her. Without having her say anything, I knew this was the end. “Goodbye, Seven.”

Corinne grabbed her bags and rushed to the door. “I’ll come back for the rest of my things while you’re at work.” She made it as far as the living room before I heard the sob escape from her.

Stunned, I couldn’t move. My entire world was falling apart. It crumbled into fine pieces and when the front door closed, it exploded from my chest, ripping my soul into shreds before it burned to the ground and ashes blew away into the wind.

I chased it, hoping that it was just a simulation and not my reality. Running down the hall, on to the elevator, through the lobby, and to the parking garage, I prayed it wasn’t real. I searched for her car. Spun in circles to make sure I hadn’t missed her.

“Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!!!” I shouted into the universe. It was real. This was happening. She was gone and tomorrow wouldn’t be the same.

Inside the apartment, it felt hollow. I stayed home for a week and she never showed up. Didn’t return my texts or calls, and when I went to her job, she refused to come out. I tried waiting for her outside, but the police made me leave for trespassing. I waited around the corner and followed her to her friend’s house. Knocking on the door was what I wanted to do, but instead, I let her have her peace. I didn’t deserve her and if this was what she really wanted, I’d give it to her.

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