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“When I was seventeen, just before I was going to take my A-levels, she decided she’d had enough of my behavior. The Headmaster had sent another letter home because I’d got caught in someone else’s dorm. So, over the Christmas holiday, she informed the Headmaster I’d be delayed a few weeks. Then she sent me…” Oliver’s voice broke and he stopped, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.
The motion seemed to break Gabe’s concentration and desire to sit so far because in a second, he had shifted over to the middle cushion, and put one hand on Oliver’s thigh. “Look, you can stop if you need to.”
“No,” Oliver said, shaking his head. “I just…just need to get through it.” He cleared his throat again and took a breath. “She had these friends at her church who said they could exorcise the demon out of me. She turned me over to them, and I was there for a month.”
When Gabe took his hand, Oliver did nothing more than turn his palm so they were pressed together. He didn’t say anything, just held him tight as Oliver took another shaking breath. He was tired now, from reliving it, but felt stronger saying it aloud.
“I’m not entirely sure where they got their exorcism standards from. Films, maybe, or shit from the internet. Either way, it was nothing short of torture. It started simple—sleep deprivation, not being allowed to do anything except read the bible and pray. But when I didn’t show signs of compliance, it got worse. They held my head under holy water until I passed out, started burning me with sage, carved on me with silver knives.” He used his free hand to lift the hem of his shirt and didn’t watch Gabe’s face as his would-be boyfriend got a good look at the scars.
“Leo was there at some point. I don’t remember when, or for how long. I just know she’d sent him to show him what could happen if he let the devil inside him as well. I tried to hold out as long as I could, but eventually I cracked. I wailed and professed that I was clean and begged to be let go. They sent me back to her, and I told Leo he had to stop. We both had to stop. We had to lie low and get through our exams. I promised him I would do everything in my power to get him away from her, so he’d never have to experience what I did. And eventually I got my father to pull some strings, and we got into the university here.”
“Ollie,” Gabe whispered.
Oliver shook his head. “It’s been years, and most of the time I’m fine, but it’s hard when I know people will ask why I look like this under my clothes.”
Gabe swallowed thickly. “Like I did. Not listening. Not respecting you.”
Oliver shrugged because Gabriel wasn’t wrong, and as much as he wanted to absolve him of what he’d done, the truth couldn’t be ignored. “Every time I think I can be rational about it, I panic.”
“Well, I know I didn’t make it easier for you. And I really did think you were just using it as an excuse to throw me out, but I could have been better.”
Oliver played with Gabe’s fingers. “We both could have been better.”
Gabe squeezed his hand again and laughed softly. “Yeah. Can I ask how long since you’ve seen her?”
“Almost three years,” Oliver said quietly. “My father did us the favor of getting us out of there, but he hasn’t done more than that. If either of us lose our visa, we’ve got nothing but her to go home to.”
“Does he know what she did?” Gabe asked.
Oliver’s chest squeezed. “No. I…hell,” he gasped and took a slow breath. “I don’t know how he’ll react, and I don’t think I could handle him telling me it was my fault.”
“Would he do that?”
Oliver laughed bitterly. “I don’t know. I was so young when he left, I barely remember him.”
Without ceremony, Gabe pulled Oliver over, closing what little space there was between him. He grabbed Oliver’s face between his palms, pressing them against his cheeks, and he pushed their foreheads together. “You didn’t need to tell me that, Ollie. You didn’t owe me anything. But thank you for trusting me.”
Oliver closed his eyes letting himself bask in the comfort of the other man for several moments. “I think maybe it was time I told someone. What good is it doing me sitting in my head, tormenting me? Driving me to push the one person away who gives a shit?”
Gabe let out a low chuckle, growling a little as he wrapped one hand around the back of Oliver’s neck and tugged him in for a kiss. “You’re a fucking idiot,” he mumbled against Oliver’s lips.
Unable to stop his grin, Oliver kissed back. “I know. I know I am. But if you’ll forgive me and have me back…”
“Not even a question. So long as you forgive me.”
A warmth burst through his chest, and he wrapped his arms around Gabe’s middle, tugging him onto his lap and kissing him soundly. “Well, I’m not going to try and change your mind about wanting me, you know. That’s for damn sure.”
Gabe pulled back, grinning as he shook his head. “Good. Because I like you this way. As fucking reckless as you are.”
Oliver nuzzled their noses together. “Yeah. I guess I am.”
Nine
Lying on Gabe’s bed, Oliver found himself perched between the V of his boyfriend’s legs. He had his cheek pressed against Gabe’s right thigh while he held a cotton ball soaked in rubbing alcohol over Gabe’s left one. He swiped it across the skin in a heart-shaped pattern, then tossed it behind him toward the bin.
His fingers hovered over Gabe’s knee, tapping out a staccato pattern as Gabe took the syringe full of his weekly testosterone, and jabbed it into the now-clean area. Oliver winced in sympathy, despite having been there for nearly all of Gabe’s injections over the last seven months. He let his fingers draw a line down toward Gabe’s calf.
When the syringe was gone and Gabe had swiped up the single drop of blood, Oliver reached his face over and pressed a soft kiss against the injection site. He turned his face up, giving his boyfriend a lazy, sweet smile which was returned, along with a hand pressed to his cheek.
