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“Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something,” Oliver said, leaning into Sam near the end of the evening. “Can I come back to yours for a bit?”
Sam brightened. “Of course. Actually, there was something I wanted to talk to you about as well.”
Licking his lips, Oliver nodded, and only hoped he could get in what he wanted to say before Sam could. Not because he was afraid Sam would end things first, but because he was afraid of Sam making it harder.
“We’ll catch you two later, yeah?” Oliver said with a knowing look at Coco.
She leaned in to kiss his cheek, then hugged Sam. “It was good to meet you, Sam.”
“Hope you see you again, love,” Sam replied.
Coco didn’t bother with a response, only shooting Oliver a quick look before she and Leo went the opposite direction.
Sam took Oliver’s hand as they walked down the street and Oliver didn’t have the heart to stop him, though when Sam squeezed his fingers, he didn’t reciprocate. Luckily Sam’s flat was close enough, and ten minutes later, he was sitting in the lounge looking even more awkward than he felt.
“So,” Oliver said at the exact time as Sam said, “Well…”
They both laughed, and Sam shook his head. “Let me go first, yeah?”
“Well, what I have to say is…”
“Please,” Sam begged, interrupting him.
Licking his lips, Oliver let out a breath. “You might regret it, you know.”
Sam’s expression faltered, and he let out a tiny sigh. “I think you’re about to split up with me, and if that’s the case, I want to go first. So, let me?”
Oliver felt like he was hit by a punch in the gut, and he cleared his throat. “Go on, then.”
Sam’s expression was more cautious now as he looked at Oliver. “I’m not an idiot, you know. I can tell you’re pushing me away, and I can tell you don’t care for me as much as I care for you. I know part of it’s your past, and part of it is probably you just not quite knowinghowto love someone.”
“Sam,” Oliver said tiredly.
“No, let me finish,” Sam said, holding up his hand. “I’m in love with you. I think I was half in love the second you walked into the office, and it was less than a month before I was completely smitten. I think maybe your sibling—maybe your friend as well—are telling you to cut me loose to spare me. I know how these things work. I’ve been on both sides of this situation before. But I want you to give me a chance, to give yourself a chance to properly fall in love.”
Rubbing his face, Oliver shook his head. “I just don’t…”
“Oliver, you haven’t even tried. We don’t spend time together. We don’t sleep over at each other’s. We have short dates, quick shags, and occasional snogs in the broom cupboard at work. But if you let yourself try, I think we could be good.”
Oliver pursed his lips. “So, what exactly are you suggesting?”
“That you let me tell you how I feel. Let me say I love you, knowing I won’t expect it back until you feel it. And…” Oliver could tell from Sam’s expression whatever was coming, it was big. “And I want us to move in together.”
Oliver choked on his own tongue for a moment. “You what? Are you mad?”
“No, I’m not. I think it could be good for us. I think that we should go on our holiday, and then you can move in here with me. Leo’s in a good place now, and he can get a flatmate if he needs the company. Or…or I can move in with you if he prefers,” Sam added in a hurry, seeing the uncomfortable look on Oliver’s face. “But I think we should dive right in and give it a go. If in six months you still don’t feel the same, then we call it quits.”
Oliver blinked at him in absolute shock. “Sam, I…I’m still in love with my ex. I keep comparing you to him. I’m not any good for you.”
“I think you just need something to move on to,” Sam insisted.
Oliver knew his therapist would likely disagree with that statement, but there was a tiny voice in the back of his head playing devil’s advocate. It said maybe Sam was on to something. That maybe diving in and just ignoring all the rules was exactly what Oliver needed to move on.
And it wasn’t like Sam was walking into it blind. Oliver had been brutally honest about everything, and Sam knew Oliver wasn’t in love. He’s just heard Oliver say he was comparing Sam to his ex constantly, and he still wanted this.
“Can I think about it?” Oliver asked.
Sam nodded, a light shining in his eyes. “Yes, of course you can. But please don’t leave now. Stay the night with me, go on holiday with me in a few weeks, and then decide. Okay?”
