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Oliver bit down on his lip, but Sam was moving onto the sofa with him now, his warm hand cupping Oliver’s cheek, and the comfort felt nice. The touch was addicting, and when Sam bent his head down for a kiss, Oliver found himself tilting his up. He found his lips parting for the wandering tongue, and he found his hands wandering into Sam’s soft locks.
He knew it was probably useless, that his heart wasn’t ever going to belong to another, but he decided he owed himself a proper chance to move on. How else could he ever know if he was ruined for anyone else? How else could he call his recovery a success?
* * *
Leo tooka long drag of his cigarette and leaned his head back against the brick. He let the smoke drift up from his lips into the foggy London skyline, then glanced over at Oliver who had his own cigarette pinched between his teeth, still unlit. “When do you leave?”
Oliver reached into his pocket for a lighter, then took a long drag before answering, his voice smoke-thick. “Thursday. He’s got us a nice place in Helford Passage, right off the water. Some little cottage.”
“Sounds nice,” Leo said, his eyebrows dipped low. “You know Coco thinks you’re mad for giving him another go.”
Oliver laughed, sucking on his smoke for a few minutes. “Yeah, I know. She all but threatened to murder me for agreeing to Sam’s proposal. I still can’t decide whether or not I should have taken her advice but…” He trailed off and shrugged. “I feel like I owe myself the chance to be happy, and it’s not like he doesn’t know where I’m at.”
“I like him,” Leo said. “You could do alotworse.”
“I know,” Oliver said from behind a laugh. “I think I have done, even with one-offs. I keep thinking I ought to be fair to him, but he’s making the choice. I’m certainly not asking him to stick around.”
“He’s probably a damned fool.”
“Yeah.” Oliver rubbed a hand down his face, then flicked the butt of his cigarette across the rooftop. Putting his arms behind his head, he turned his head to face his sibling. “So, you’ve got my dissertation all set? You really think you can do a decent editing job?”
Leo barked a laugh. “No. But who’ve you got better than me, eh?” He nudged Oliver with his elbow. “It’ll be fine, no worries. You’ll turn it in on time, you’ll defend the hell out of it, graduate, and be the sort of swotty shite we used to take the piss out of when we were kids.”
“I hate myself.”
Leo chuckled and shook his head. “Nah, you don’t.
Twenty-Three
He was shoving a pair of jeans into his suitcase when there was a knock on his door, and Oliver looked over to see Leo wearing a smug expression. “So, has anyone told you lately your spelling and grammar are the worst?”
Oliver’s eyebrows flew up, then he grabbed a pair of socks and threw them at his sibling’s face. “Fuck off. You should be so lucky I put effort into it.”
Leo laughed as he flopped down onto Oliver’s bed. “So. Packing. When’s he getting here?”
Oliver checked the time on his little digital clock and sighed. “Should be here in twenty. And actually, I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Leaning up on his elbow, Leo gave him a discerning look. “Alright.”
“You know, a few weeks ago when I agreed to this mad idea of staying in a relationship with him?” Oliver cleared his throat and ran his fingers back through his loose hair as Leo nodded. “And he had that mad idea about us living together?”
Leo’s cheeks went faintly pink. “Right.”
Unable to meet his sibling’s eyes, feeling a little ridiculous, Oliver busied himself with his shirts. “I think I want to take him up on the offer. I’m not…” He hesitated and bit down on his lip, then forced himself to look at his sibling. “I’m not ready to live apart from you, though. It’s not that I don’t trust you,” he added in a hurry, “but it’s so soon, and I…”
“It’s alright,” Leo said, cutting his sibling off. “I don’t think I’m entirely ready for you to move out either.”
Letting out a breath of relief, Oliver plopped down next to his case. “So, I’m thinking about asking him to move in here. With us. You two get on well enough, and it could be good. Don’t you think?”
Leo blinked several times, then smiled. “You’re asking my permission?”
“Don’t be a git about it,” Oliver warned. “But you live here as well, so it’s only fair.”
Laughing, his sibling shook his head and pushed himself up to sit, leaning back against the wall. “It’s fine, Ollie. I like him well enough, and…” He stopped when he saw a look cross Oliver’s face. “What’s this really about?”
“The last time I approached this topic with someone I was dating, things went to shit,” Oliver admitted, not quite up for saying Gabe’s name right then. “I know the situation’s different, and honestly I think Sam’s a fucking idiot for wanting to stay with me when clearly I’m not as invested as he is, but I’m nervous.”
“You think he’ll turn you down?”
