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Because he’d fancied him before, but now? In frills and lace?
“I was afraid everyone would know, even after I put it back,” Shiloh went on, dragging Dom from his thoughts. “So when Sarah invited me to dress up for Halloween that year, that’s why I begged you to get us out of it.”
They’d made up excuses and stayed in, bingingSchitt’s Creekon Netflix all night. It had been maybe the best Halloween of his life. And now he understood exactly what had Shiloh all shaken up.
Now he stood in front of his best friend—the man he was in love with—listening to him detail out a fantasy Dom didn’t even know he’d had, with fear and insecurity wrapped around the words.
And he wanted to say something immediate and comforting, but Shiloh’s confession hadn’t just broken his brain. It had shattered it.
It took Dom almost too long to collect himself. It was the way he saw Shiloh start to shut down that kicked him into action, and once again, unable to stop himself from getting a little too close, he reached up and cupped Shiloh’s cheeks.
“Listen to me,” he said, and Shiloh’s jaw clicked shut. Dom ran a tongue over his lips, but it didn’t help. “I know I’m probably the most biased person in the world because nothing could make me think you’re a freak. And you know that anyone who made you feel that way would end up on the wrong end of my fists.”
“Yeah,” Shiloh breathed out.
Dom ducked his head to recapture his gaze, and when he had it, he let the silence wrap around them for a beat. “Nothing’s wrong with you. It’s okay to like it.”
“Yeah, but…”
“No,” Dom said. “No buts. You’re allowed to like it. There’s nothing wrong with…with any of that. Plenty of people like dressing up that way. And not just in Halloween costumes.”
Shiloh shrugged, and when Dom reluctantly pulled his hands away, he rubbed the back of his neck. “But I’m not…I don’t want to be a girl, you know? It just feels so complicated, and with what Liza had said about boys in dresses…”
Liza had been making the whole thing into a joke, and he could only imagine how that had shredded Shiloh inside.
“I should send Sarah after her again for making you feel this way,” Dom grumbled.
At that, Shiloh laughed and shook his head. “I mean, it’s fine. I, erm…I thought maybe it would be good, though, if I wore something like that to Sarah’s. Like, it would be safe to do it there.”
“It will be,” Dom said. And he wasn’t lying. It would be safe there. For Shiloh. For Dom, it would be the ultimate test of his patience and self-control because he was already too in love with this man, and seeing him in a dress would likely stop his heart.
“Would you,” Shiloh asked, his voice falling again. He stopped, then cleared his throat. “Would you look at the one I bought this year? You know, make sure I haven’t picked out any clashing colors or anything? And anyway, we need to figure out how you can match it.”
Dom wanted to groan and beg off, but then Shiloh would know something was wrong. And he’d, of course, take it the wrong way, so Dom would have to explain, and then…
And then everything would be ruined.
“Of course,” he said, hating himself a little because it would be torture.
The relieved breath Shiloh let out was enough to settle Dom some. He’d be able to get through it and make his friend feel good about himself. Then he’d go home and have a wank and hate himself just a little bit more than he had when he’d woken up that morning.
“Why don’t I check on your dad,” Dom said as he set his mostly finished beer on the counter. “You can, er, get sorted.”
Shiloh’s cheeks pinked again, and he looked down at his feet but nodded all the same. Dom waited to see if he was going to say anything more—maybe put up a protest—but when he didn’t move, Dom took that as his cue. He slipped through the door and into the lounge where Benjamin had stopped playing and was reclined on the sofa with his feet up on the coffee table.
The guitar was lying across his lap, and he smiled at Dom as the bigger man shuffled forward.
‘Good talk?’
Dom rolled his eyes. ‘How’s it feel now? I didn’t hear the cat crying.’
Benjamin scoffed. ‘She’s in the barn, but it feels better. Thank you.’ He gestured at the armchair for Dom to sit, and he did after a single beat of hesitation. When he was settled, Benjamin put the instrument aside and leaned over his knees. ‘You’re hurting.’
Dom startled a bit, quickly shaking his head. ‘I’m fine. I’m…’
Benjamin lifted a steady hand, and Dom’s own fingers stilled, curling into his palms before dropping down to his lap. The man had always had a way of calming any storm raging inside of Dom—in ways his own parents could never manage. He used to think they were happy to be rid of him on weekends when they’d send him up to the farm because he always came back exhausted from work and more settled.
‘When I was fifteen,’ Benjamin signed slowly, ‘I fell in love with Shiloh’s mum. She was a year ahead of me at school. Of course, no one wanted to be friends with me because,’ he waved his hand toward his ear. He didn’t wear hearing aids anymore, but Dom had seen photos of him when he was little, and they were big, obvious, hulking things that led to a device that was strapped to his chest. ‘I was angry.’
