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The video switches to the chief of police standing at a podium. Other officers and officials stand behind him, but it’s the sight of Monty’s parents that breaks my heart. His dad holds his mom as she tries to keep herself from crying, but you can see the way she sniffles. They both look absolutely devastated.
“After the discovery of Mr. Rollin’s boat, we believe we have enough evidence to declare Montgomery Rollins deceased. After a thorough investigation, it is our professional opinion that the cause of death is accidental drowning. The events that transpired Friday night are believed to be as follows. After an argument with his girlfriend, Mr. Rollins appears to have gotten into his boat and went for a drive to let off steam. At some point, he fell overboard and due to his intoxicated state, was unable to get back to the boat. Our hearts go out to the Rollins family, and we ask that you respect their privacy as they grieve the loss of their son.”
The newscasters come back onto the screen, talking about what a devastating loss it is, and then moving on to his father’s campaign as if it’s at all relevant. They’re not even the slightest bit affected, but why would they be? It’s not like they knew him. Or knew what it’s like to be in his presence.
Tears flow down my face as I mourn the loss of my friend. I cry for the life that was taken too soon. I cry for the pain his parents are experiencing. I cry for the people that will never know what really happened or have his body so they can lay it to rest.
Hayes wraps his arms around me and holds me while I sob, whispering everything I need to hear as he keeps me together.
It’s going to be okay.
We’ll get through this.
I’ve got you.
And I know he does. He always does. But the guilt hurts. It’s utterly destroying me. All I can do is lean on Hayes and hope he’s enough to get me through this.
AN OVERACHIEVER IN LIFEand in death, it doesn’t surprise me that Monty’s memorial service is beautiful. The church is decorated in black and pale red flowers, matching the black pews. If he were here, I know he would love it. But he’s not here.
There’s no casket.
No urn filled with his ashes.
According to Hayes, he’s out in the ocean somewhere, becoming a five-course meal for a shark, most likely. So, all we have to honor him and the life we lost is the massive-sized picture of his smiling face front and center.
“Do you want me to go with you?” Hayes asks.
I shake my head. “No.”
He sighs but doesn’t fight it as he goes to join Cam and Mali who have already made their rounds. It’s no surprise to me that he doesn’t want to say goodbye. He hated Monty. But he’s here for me, and that’s what matters.
Stepping up to the picture, I put my hand on it. It doesn’t feel real, him being gone. That I’m going to wake up tomorrow to a call from him, asking if Mali and I want to go shopping or just hang out because “rich kid life is boring sometimes, believe it or not.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “I am so unbelievably sorry. We should have stayed with you. We shouldn’t have left you. You didn’t deserve this.” My eyes fall closed as I try my best not to break down. “I miss you so much, and I willneverforget you.”
Kissing my fingers, I press them to his cheek.
I’m still crying as I go sit between Hayes and Mali. My best friend gives me a sad smile and holds my hand in hers. It’s a small act of solidarity, telling me she understands and feels it, too—something I don’t have with Hayes. He’s trying to be supportive and doing his best to console me, but he doesn’t get it like she does. And I can’t help but mentally note how unaffected he looks—like he’s not part of the reason there’s a funeral for him in the first place.
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICEDthe amount of people who come out of the woodwork when someone dies? The people who haven’t talked to them in years but suddenly, now that they’re gone, it’s like they were the best of friends? Yeah, they piss me the fuck off. I tried not to pay attention to it as we sat through the service, choosing to focus on honoring Monty instead, but that’s over. All I can see now is the hundreds of people here that probably never knew him at all.
Let’s be honest, half of them are probably only here to get closer to Monty’s dad. You can tell who they are by the things they say.
“Montgomery was a fine young man.”
“I met Montgomery during charity work last year.”
“The loss of Montgomery is a tragic one. He had such a bright future ahead of him.”
Yeah, if they knew him, they’d know he hated the name Montgomery. He said it sounded pompous. And other than enjoying the benefits of power, he had zero plans of going into politics like his father.
We step outside the church and start to head to our cars when a detective stops us. His badge sits on display on his hip, and he smiles kindly.
“Mind if I have a minute of your time?” he asks.
Mali’s brows furrow. “Someone took our statements when he was reported missing.”
He nods. “I know, and I have them. I’m just following up on a few things.”
