AllFreeNovel
Share Us
My phone goes off again, cutting through the silence like a knife, but I don’t make a move to look at it.
“They’re worried about you, you know,” Cam tells me.
I take another sip of my beer. “No reason to be. I’m fine.”
He snorts. “Oh, yeah. Because going off the grid and not answering your phone for hours really shows that you’re just peachy.”
Leave it to him to force a smile out of me. “You’re such a dick.”
As I finish the one and turn to replace it with another, we fall quiet again. But I can’t seem to make sense of everything running through my head. It’s like I’m being torn completely in half.
“I don’t even know why I care right now,” I admit. “I mean, the guy didn’t give a shit about me, why should I give a shit about him?”
“Because you’re human, and you care, even if you think you shouldn’t,” Cam answers. “That doesn’t make you a bad person or naive for giving a shit. It just goes to show that you’re better than he was.”
“Is it wrong that I didn’t want him to die? That I’m actually pissed he’s not stumbling around drunk somewhere?”
He shakes his head. “Nah. You’re feeling the same loss you did six years ago, but this time is more permanent. It’s understandable, at least to me anyway.”
I nod slowly and then shrug. “I think it’s just that I can’t come to grips with hating him as much as I did a few days ago. Before I knew he was gone.”
“Because you don’t hate him anymore.” The way he says it is like it’s the most obvious thing in the world to everyone but me. “You did. I know you did. And I’m sure there are parts of you that still do. But the drunk that you hated died, and all that’s left is what you choose to remember. The alcoholic is the one who walked out on you, but the dad that you still have some memories of, he died, too. It doesn’t make you less of a person for feeling the pain of that.”
I let his words set in as I watch the ships on the horizon, and every last thing he said hits home. The more I think about it, the more it registers. I might not understand all of what I’m feeling, but what Cam said definitely helps put me in a better place. One where I’m not about to self-destruct out of chaotic rage.
“Thanks, man,” I say genuinely.
“No problem,” he answers, and the text message tone goes off again. “But for the love of God, answer my sister before she has a stroke.”
Cringing, I take out my phone and see the endless string of notifications. I open Laiken’s and type out a text—I’ll read everything she sent later.
I’m okay. I love you.
I send a quick message to the group chat with my mom and Devin, too, and then slip my phone back into my pocket.
“So, are we good?” I question, because if when we leave here, he’s going to go back to hating me, I think I’d choose to stay for a bit.
He rolls his eyes. “I mean, I can’t say I like it. The idea of you and Laiken together makes me want to wash my brain in acid.”
I can’t help but laugh because I get it. I’d feel the same way if I found out he was hooking up with Devin. But after a minute, we both turn serious again as it goes quiet.
“Do I have to worry about you hurting her?” he asks after a moment.
I shake my head without hesitation. “I’m crazy about her.”
He nods slowly, turning his head straight and taking another sip. “Then I guess I’m going to have to learn to deal with it.”
Relief floods through me, numbing out all the feelings I was struggling with before. I love Laiken. I really do. And if she was all I had, I know that I would be okay. But if I have herandmy best friend, nothing can ever bring me down.
“Hey,” I nudge him. “She can’t get mad at you if you go for Mali now.”
Cam snorts, raising a brow at me. “Is that your silver lining?”
“It’s all I’ve got,” I say with a shrug, and he shakes his head humorously.
We get up and go over to the maintenance ladder, climbing down. But as we start to walk back to our cars, an idea comes to mind.
“You have any interest in owning a bar with me?”
