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“Jesus,” she breathes, leaning back against the seat. “Was he upset?”
“That’s the strangest part,” I tell her. “He wasn’t at all. I explained why I couldn’t, and I thought he would feel rejected, but he just kissed me and told me he can work with that. Then he left and I haven’t talked to him much since. He’s barely even responding to my texts.”
“He can work with that?” Mali repeats back to me. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly!” I nearly shout. “I can’t figure it out, and the fact that he’s barely answering me isn’t helping either.”
She tilts her head to the side as she thinks. “Maybe hedoesfeel rejected, but he understands your reasoning so he’s working on getting over it on his own.”
“Then why would he say he can work with that? What’s that even mean?”
“Maybe that he can work with knowing you’re not exactly saying no, but more sayingnot right now.”
That’s a possibility that never occurred to me. But if he’s upset about it, I’d rather he tell me than disappear to deal with it on his own. I don’t want him having any doubts about our relationship. There’s no reason for any.
“Yeah,” I murmur. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
She snickers. “I mean, it’s either that or he’s going to propose, but it took that man months just to come to terms with the idea of a relationship. You’re probably looking at five yearsminimumbefore he can even Googlejewelry stores near me.”
His words from this morning play through my mind.
“Will you please move in with me so that I don’t have to spend another cold and lonely night without you for the rest of my life?”
For. The. Rest. Of. My. Life.
“But hey,” Mali continues, keeping me from falling down that rabbit hole. “Youarenineteen. If you want to move in with him, legally your parents can’t stop you.”
I chuckle and give her a knowing look. “Sure, if I wanted to be disowned.”
“Point taken.”
Grabbing a crouton from my plate, I toss it into my mouth—wondering what kind of mood Hayes will be in when I see him tonight.
I’ve never beena nervous person. The confidence I’ve possessed has become a well-known staple in my reputation. Some might choose to call it cockiness instead, and I once heard Mali refer to it as big dick energy, but it’s all the same thing. I’m not the kind of guy who shies away from a challenge or backs down from what he wants—apart from when I bitched out about telling Cam about Laiken and me that one day.
But right now, I’ve never been more anxious.
The day my dad left, I told myself that happily ever afters don’t exist. That fairy tales are for books, and no one ever really loves someone more than they love themselves. And for years, all that has been true for me. I never found someone that made me second guess what I believed—until Laiken.
In just a few months, she’s proven me wrong at every turn and shown me things completely different from what I thought I knew. With her, I have a relationship that is just as much about friendship as it is being in love. I have a person that doesn’t only make my day better but makes me look forward to every day after it. I have someone who has taught me what it feels like to care about another person more than I could ever care about myself.
My other half.
My favorite person.
My once-in-a-lifetime kind of love.
So, as I walk out with a little velvet box bulging from my pocket, there isn’t a doubt in my mind that it was always going to come to this.
I STAND IN THEmirror, putting more effort into my hair than I have in months. The thought of wearing a suit passed through my mind for a second, but I decided against it. I can still look good without making her feel underdressed.
My heart feels like a damn hummingbird inside my chest, beating a million times a minute. I could take a shot to calm my nerves, but I don’t want to. I want to feel every second of it. After all, I’m hoping this is a one and done.
Headlights shine through the windows and into the house as Laiken pulls into the driveway, and I know it’s time. Everything that’s running through my mind intensifies—red lights and warning sirens from the part of me that wants to run. But I’m not going anywhere. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Not ever.
Taking a shaky, deep breath, I let it out slowly and then head downstairs. Everything looks perfect, with lit candles all over the first floor of the house, a bottle of wine in an ice bucket with a couple of glasses on the table, and the most important question I’ve ever asked spelled out in rose petals on the floor. I just hope it’s enough.
As I hear her step up onto the porch, I know that this is it. This is the moment that I lay it all on the line. I’m handing over my heart, my whole heart, for Laiken to do whatever she wants with. And regardless of the outcome, I know I’m never going to get it back.
