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Only ever mine.
This.This, right here, is exactly what I’ve needed. To feel him kiss me in a way that means something. A way that exhilarates us both. It’s so intense that it sucks the air right out of my lungs. My entire body short circuits, and the only thing I can focus on is him.
The smell of his cologne.
The feeling of his hands on my face.
The way holds me with all the care in the world.
I might not have the most experience, but I don’t need it to know there’s nothing better than this. I feel so close to him. And when he breaks the kiss and pulls back to smile at me, the look in his eyes is like finally coming home.
The feeling I’ve been missing is this.
It’shim.
As I take a deep breath, the words I’ve been itching to tell him slip from my mouth. “I love you.”
He smiles, opening his mouth like he’s going to say it back, and I need to hear it. But nothing comes out, and fear fills his eyes. At first, I’m worried that something is wrong. A stroke. A heart attack. Do I need to call an ambulance? But then, he masks it with a smile.
“Come here, you,” he says softly, pulling me back in.
I let him kiss me, but the fear that’s growing inside me increases at a rapid pace.
“Hayes,” I begin, but he moves me slightly so my back is against the doorway.
His hand glides down the front of me until his fingers dip under my waistband. “That vibrator isn’t enough. You need this. You needme. And I’m going to make sure you know that.”
He dips beneath my panties and presses his fingers right where I want him while he kisses my neck, but it’s not the same. His words, or lack thereof, make me feel like my heart is breaking right there on the spot. I know he doesn’t trust me, and he has good reason, but until now, I’ve never truly questioned if he loves me.
And I can’t do this if there’s any doubt.
“H,” I say, grabbing his wrist and pulling his hand out.
The look on his face tells me that he knows exactly why I stopped him. His head drops and he focuses all his attention on the floor—unable to look back at me. And somehow, that makes it worse.
“Oh my God,” I breathe, choking up.
His head lifts, and there’s something in his eyes, but it only makes things worse.
“Lai, I…” But his words die out in the air once more.
I can feel my heart cracking down the center as I stare back at him. “Do you not love me anymore?”
He exhales, running his fingers through his hair. “You know I do.”
“Then why can’t you say it?”
His mouth opens and closes, and the longer he goes without saying anything at all, the more it chips away at me. This is the man who dropped down on one knee only feet from where we’re standing right now, and sounded so confident as he told me he was going to spend the rest of his life loving me. And now he can’t bring himself to form the words.
He stays quiet, silently speaking my every fear into existence.
I really did ruin this.
Idestroyedus.
It doesn’t matter that my intentions were good or that my heart was in the right place. What matters is that I hurt him to the point where our relationship, ourmarriage, may not be salvageable after all.
“I can’t—“ I try to speak but a sob rips right through me.
