AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Gently moving him back, I slip out from between him and the doorway, running out the front door before he sees me break down. And the worst part may be that he doesn’t even try to stop me.
This is it.
I’ve been avoiding coming to terms with the fact that his lack of answer about us might actuallybemy answer, but I can’t avoid it anymore. It’s right in front of me. There was so much emotion in that kiss, and I let it trick me into thinking he was finally letting me back in.
But he’s not.
And I’m not sure he ever will.
I LIE ON MALI’Sbed, staring up at the ceiling. There have been a lot of nights since I left when I would feel like this. Empty. Dead inside. But then, there was still uncertainty. The question of if we would ever be together again was unanswered, and I could lie there, convincing myself we would be.
But tonight felt a lot like the end.
“I still say you’re thinking too far into this,” Mali tells me. “I mean, it’s Hayes we’re talking about. He’s allbig gestures while denying he’s romantic at all. Maybe it just wasn’t the right time for him, and he wants to say it for the first time again in a special way.”
I huff dryly. “Or maybe he just doesn’t love me anymore.”
She shakes her head. “No. It’s definitely not that.”
“How do you know?”
“Because if it was, you wouldn’t be living in his house right now. He wouldn’t have all but told Cam to go fuck himself when he said you were going to stay with him. And he sure as hell wouldn’t be all over you the way he has been.”
She makes valid points, except for the last part. “That’s not true. He knows we have chemistry, and the sex is good. He could just be using sex to mentally escape everything he has going on.”
Honestly, if that were the case, I think I’d still let him. It would destroy me, but at least I’d feel like I’m helping him in some way. After the damage I caused, I just want him to be okay. It just sucks that when he is, when he finally gets back on his feet and the world stops trampling him, he won’t need me anymore.
“Babes, I know you’re the queen of beating yourself up and all, but don’t be crazy. He loves you.”
“Then why couldn’t he say it?” I ask desperately, feeling the tears start to pool again. “Face it, Mal. There is a very good chance that I actually ruined this. I chose wrong, and because of it, I’m going to lose the best man I’ve ever known.”
I CONTEMPLATED SLEEPING ATMali’s. I’m not really sure facing Hayes is something I can do right now. But I didn’t want him to worry. One of the things he’s most afraid of is me leaving again, and even though I was only a few miles away, I refuse to validate the fear of me not coming home.
Ialwayswant to come home.
When I walk in the door, it’s late, but Hayes is still awake. He’s sitting on the couch, and when I step inside, his eyes meet mine.
“You’re still up,” I observe, trying to keep my voice steady and neutral.
He forces his eyes away and nods. “Yeah. Just watching some TV.”
It’s a harmless statement, or at least it should be, but as we both look over at the TV, I notice it’s off—and the remote for it is across the room. He can’t even tell me that he waited up for me to come home. We’re so irrevocably broken that he’s lying to me just so that I don’t figure out how much he cares.
“Right,” I murmur. There’s no use calling him out on it. Even he knows that. “I’m going to get some sleep.”
Clicking the screen off on his phone, he gets up from the couch. “Yeah. That sounds like a good idea.”
The two of us walk up the stairs, and the whole time I’m hoping that he’ll say something. Anything. But he doesn’t. And as I reach the doorway to our bedroom—the one we shared so many sleepless nights in that were so full of love, I could drown in it—I know I can’t get into bed with him.
Not when we’re like this.
I turn around, finding him right behind me, and I sigh. “I think I’m going to take the guest room tonight.”
A pained look crosses his face. “Why?”
The reason is on my tongue, but just like he couldn’t bring himself to say the words before, I can’t bring myself to say these. “You know why.”
With nothing left to say, I turn and head down the hall, stepping into the guest room and shutting the door behind me.
