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“Oh, Asmodeus.”
That immediately stops all wallowing on my part as I sit up and look over at him. “Your real name is As…mo…deus?” I ask.
“Yes. My parents were going through a bit of an emo spell, you know? They were nearing forty. Had been struggling to have a kid for years and were giving up hope. Turned to demon worshipping, joined a cult, and out I came.”
I shift my attention to August to make sure he got all of that. Especially the demon worship part.
“That’s wonderful for them!” August says because he’s August and he loves too hard.
“I thought so! Especially because I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for them,” he says.
“Them as in your parents or the demons?” I ask, since I feel like this is a very valid concern.
“Hold please,” he says as he rolls down his window, practically crawls halfway out of it while August grabs the steering wheel in surprise, and just starts shooting shit. As he comes back in, he stuffs his gun into August’s hands. “Right. Where were we? Oh, yeah. So no, they kind of… got busy with life. Let the worshipping fall behind. Sometimes we do sacrifices though, but that’s just for fun.”
“How fun, huh, August? Sounds like ablast, huh, August?”
August glances back at me with a look of horror on his face. Huh, so maybe even August can get surprised by the craziness of humans. “Like… food… sacrifices? Like… a goat or something?”
“Generally people, but don’t worry. My mom’s super picky and finds like murderers and stuff.”
“Ah. I’d love if you invited us next time!” I say.
“Oh my god, I would love that!” Asmodeus enthuses.
“No, that’s okay,” August says. “Really. I feel like that’s perfectly fine.”
“Okay, well if you change your mind, ring-a-ding-a-ling me up,” he says.
I hit my head.
That is clearly what happened.
When I fell from the swan boat into the water from hell, I smacked my head. I don’t remember it, but it happened. And that is why absolutely nothing makes sense at this moment.
CHAPTERSIX
LANDON
The noise Valerie makes when she sees us is one I wish I had recorded. I would save the inhuman screech and use it for whenever she calls.
“What the hell happened to both of you?” she asks. “And who is this?”
Our new member beams at her. “Hiya, ma’am. I’m an assassin,” Ass… Asmodium—fuck, I forgot his name—says. “I was hired to kill these two, but they said they’d pay me more to not kill them. Do you write that check or—”
“Arrest this man,” Valerie orders.
“What the fuck?” he asks, and as her security team comes rushing after him, he disappears.
Valerie turns to us. “Why didn’t you call?”
“I tried but the water damaged my phone enough it wouldn’t turn on,” August says as he hands her his phone.
“We need all hands to help prepare for a burial,” I announce.
“Someone died?” Valerie asks.
“Well… Untouchable, as he calls himself, shot… quite a few people who were trying to kill us. He actually did help us,” August says.
