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His tone is light and teasing. He’s pretending it’s just a playful question, but when I glance at him, I can see the eagerness in his eyes. He really wants the answer. He needs it.
“I fucked you, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, you did. But I wonder if it was because of the gift I gave you, or because you actually wanted to. Does killing turn you on? The sight of blood? Or is it my face and cock that did it for you?”
“Why does it have to be one or the other?”
He goes quiet, deep in thought. When he speaks again, I don’t expect the words. “I take it you’re not out.”
My eyebrows knit together as my head swivels in his direction. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You’re bi, aren’t you? You fuck both men and women, but nobody here knows that, do they?”
“Nobody knows any of my business.”
“So you’ll never let anyone see us together.”
His voice is changing, taking on that angry, jealous tone. It’s how he got when explaining why he had to kill his girlfriend. She didn’t appreciate him and everything he did for her. He didn’t feel loved and he snapped.
I pull over, parking in the grass on the side of the road. I step out of the truck, making my way to his side. He looks surprised and confused when I rip open his door and yank him from the seat, shoving him against the truck.
With one hand on his chest and my finger in his face, I say, “Do not pull that clingy, obsessive shit with me, you hear me? I am not one of your girlfriends. I’m not a victim of your fucking predatory ways. I’m here with you right now because I want to be, not because you manipulated the situation. I will not bow down to you simply because you want me to.”
His eyes are wide as he watches me.
“I will not love you, Kaspian. It’s not in me to love anybody. Do not expect it of me.” His chin dips the tiniest fraction. “Do you want me to pretend? Do you want me to act the way I do when I let people see what I want them to see? I can smile at you like you’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. If you want a version of me that other people get, I can look you in the eye and tell you you’re the best person I’ve ever met.” I bring my forefinger and thumb to his chin, holding it in my grip. “But if you want me—the real me, the one only you and my victims have ever seen, then you’ll take me the way I give myself to you, and you won’t fucking complain about it.”
“Okay,” he says in a whisper.
“And I don’t give a shit if people know I fuck guys.”
I turn to walk away, but he’s quick. He grabs my arm and pulls me into him. “What if I said I think I’m already obsessed with you?”
My lips pull up on one end. “I’d say it’s not a surprise, but don’t expect the same.”
Kaspian
ChapterNineteen
I’m here with you because I want to be.
The words play on a loop in my head, making me smile. I have to hide my joy from him, because he’ll wonder what the hell I’m so happy about. I heard everything else he said, but I’m listening to this. This is all I want.
He thinks I want him to love me, but I don’t. I don’t need his love. I need his attention. And he still doesn’t realize that he is here because of my manipulation, but he doesn’t need to understand. I do.
“What’s your plan?” he asks as we approach the bar.
“What do you mean?”
He gives me an annoyed look. “You know why we’re here.”
“To watch people fuck? To have people watch us fuck? God, I hope it’s the last one.”
Ezra turns and smiles at the bartender when he takes his drink. “Thank you.”
“You new here?” the guy behind the bar asks while he makes my drink.
“Second time,” Ezra answers, taking a sip. “Oh, that’s good.”
