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ChapterThirty-Five
In the bathroom of the safe house, Vicente and I face each other. I have a warm, soapy washcloth, and I start scrubbing the blood off of his chest.
He’s quiet for a while, letting me process things in my own way. He hasn’t asked me any questions since we left the basement, which I’m thankful for.
I’m not sure how I feel, so instead, I converse with myself, trying to sort out my feelings before I begin to express them.
I turn on the sink and rinse the washcloth, watching the pinkish-red water go down the drain before soaping it up again and returning to his stomach. My movements slow down as I wipe off the script.
“Jian told me what your tattoo says.”
“Mm. And?”
“Don’t they call the devil that?”
“They call the devil many things.”
I look up at him. “You think of yourself as the devil?”
“My thought process was if I was the devil, what did I have to fear? Most people fear going to hell and coming face-to-face with the devil himself. If I’m him, what do I need to worry about?”
I mull on that for a while. “You saidwas.Your thought processwas.Why past tense?”
He sighs softly. “I suppose I still think that way, but I finally found something I am afraid of.”
I rinse the rag once more and then move to his hand. It’s got more blood than anywhere else.
“What’s that?” I ask, holding his hand in mine while I scrub his palm.
“I was terrified of losing you.”
My hand freezes and my head turns up to look at him. “Me?”
He runs his free hand through my hair before softly caressing my cheek. I close my eyes, the pain still there. He cups my jaw and I nestle into his hand.
“Yes, you. I lost my mind when I found out you didn’t show up for work. I went everywhere trying to find out what happened. I threatened Donati, I sent my guys on the streets, and I called every business on the way from your apartment to the casino so I could see their security footage. I was restless and wired. I was mad at myself and everyone else.”
I focus back on his hand, cleaning his fingers. “Why were you mad at yourself?”
“For letting you go in the first place. If you had still been with me, this never would’ve happened.” He stops talking, pulling his hand from mine before picking me up and setting me on the bathroom counter. “But also, it’s me who brought you into this in the first place. I wish I could say I regret it, but I don’t. Even after everything that’s happened.”
“Are you going to tell me why?”
His dark eyes trace every line of my face. “I will tell you as much as I can, but I promise, soon you’ll know everything, and I can only hope it doesn’t change anything.”
My brows dip, confused about what he could be referring to. “Why would anything change?”
His lips pinch together. “You’ll see, but first, I’ll say what I can.” With a deep breath, he begins. “It’s hard to start, because you’re missing an important piece of information, but I found out who you were a year ago. I had my men following you. I wanted them to scare you. I knew you worked in my casino, I knew where you lived, who you were friends with. Everything. When the time was right, I organized a way to run into you at the bar. We don’t normally drink there, but I needed you to see me.
“When you ran into me the second time, it was also organized. The man who was following you had called me to tell me you were gonna be running in scared. I knew where you were working that day and positioned myself where I needed. You actually slamming into me only helped in the long run. I need you to be close to me. It’s why I asked you to go to the club.”
“And everything that happened in the club?” I ask.
“Was because I wanted it to happen. It wasn’t an act. I’ve been attracted to you since I first saw you. Being close to you only heightened everything. I wanted to touch you, taste you, be inside you. I needed you to want the same things.
“You walking in on me after I killed that man wasn’t supposed to happen. It really threw a wrench in my plans and made me have to adapt. I didn’t want you to know the truth about me so quickly, if at all. Keeping you close was the only option, which is why I needed you to have a bodyguard and yet still be attacked. Rey knew it was a setup, but you needed to think the only way you were safe was to be secluded with me in my home. It also afforded me more time to make you want me. Need me.”
“But why?”
