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“Maybe it’s… selfish though?” I said.
“Nature is selfish, shei,” he said. “Nature is need.”
“I need you,” I said.
His face came close, and he rubbed his nose against mine. His voice was breathy. “No, you don’t.”
“No, I don’t,” I whispered, and then I was kissing him again.
TWENTY-THREE
sienne
“Oh, stars, Cypra, she’s beautiful,” I said, sitting closer to look at the holoprojection of the baby half-donen, who was currently kicking her blanket off with tiny, tiny little hooves, squirming in her mother’s arms.
“She really is, though,” said Cypra, grinning down at the baby.
“Is that a huuq?” I gestured to the stringed instrument, which I could see propped up against the wall behind Cypra.
“Oh, yeah.” She turned to look at it.
“You play?”
“Not me, Holston,” she said. “He keeps writing these silly little songs for the baby.”
“How cute!”
“Well, they’re all like, ‘I’m the cutest and prettiest girl in the universe,’ so our daughter is going to grow up very arrogant.”
I laughed. “Oh, but she is really cute and really pretty, so I completely see where he’s coming from.”
“He’s a very proud papa,” said Cypra, grinning.
“Of course he is.” I grinned. Then my smile fell away. “Hey, um, I’m sorry I didn’t… I know we haven’t really been talking,” I said, picking at a spot on my pants, averting my eyes.
“It’s okay,” she said. “I’ve been so busy.”
“Yeah, I heard about your plan to still do field work,” I said. “That sounds, um…”
“It works well for Holston and me,” she said. “He and I, we both have really strong independent streaks, you know? And we each need a thing that is our own. He has his thing, and I have mine, and we’re, um, we’re going to try to have it all.”
“Yeah,” I said softly. “It sounds sort of perfect.”
She shrugged. “It’s… there are going to be trade-offs and sacrifices. If I want to do this, I have to leave my baby girl.”
“Yeah, of course you’re really attached to your baby.”
“I am.” She looked up at me. “I can’t even explain how attached I am, how intensely I love her? But Sienne, I want to gonow.” She let out a helpless laugh. “What I wouldn’t give for just a day off, a chance to not be a mom, a whole night with my body to myself?”
“See,” I said, still picking at my pants, “this is why I keep putting it off.”
“Caspe said…”
“Oh, stars, did he tell you I was jealous?” I fixed a glare at the holoprojection, but it was Caspe I was angry with, not Cypra. “I amnotjealous. That’s not what it’s about. I make sure, extra sure, that I don’t get pregnant. If I wanted to get pregnant, I could get pregnant.”
“O-okay.” She blinked at me, a little taken aback.
I sighed. “Sorry. Sorry, ignore me. I didn’t mean to take that out on you.” I groaned.
