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“Of course.”
It’s on the first floor. I press the call button to summon the lift, then we ascend in silence. There really is nothing much to say. My hand is on the door handle when I realise Jack isn’t with us.
“Where…?” I scan the corridor.
“He’s giving you time. And space. He won’t be far away.” Faith offers me a reassuring smile. “Shall we go in?”
My first sight of my mother is a shock. I’d expected some deterioration, but this…? She’s shrunk, shrivelled. Faded, as though she’s hardly here at all.
Her eyes are closed, the sound of her breathing laboured, coming in fits and starts. Each breath is a struggle, a battle hard-won and precious.
I approach the bed with faltering steps. I reach out but hesitate, overwhelmed by all the wires and lines, the flashing lights and beeping machines. “Can I touch her?” I ask when Julie follows us into the room.
“Of course.”
“I don’t want to…do any harm.”
“You won’t.” The rest remains unspoken. She’s way past harm now. “Just be gentle.”
I sink into the plastic hospital chair beside the bed and I lay my palm on the back of her hand. Her skin feels cool and brittle, like parchment.
“Does she know we’re here?”
“Oh yes, I think so.” Julie leans over the bed to stroke my mother’s cheek. “Esther? Your daughter is here. She’s come to see you, like I said.”
It may be my imagination, but I swear I detect the slightest flutter of her fingers. “Mum? It’s me. I brought Naomi, too.”
Her fingers move again, no mistaking it now. Her lips part, she tries to speak, but the words are indecipherable.
“I’ll be outside if you need me.” Julie pats me on the shoulder. “Speak to her. She can hear you.”
I nod, though I have no idea what to say.
Mercifully, Faith does. She approaches the bed and takes my mother’s other hand.
“Esther? Can I call you Esther? I’m Faith.”
The lined forehead furrows.
“We’ve not met before. Me and my Harry adopted Be— Naomi.”
One single tear emerges from the corner of my mum’s right eye. It trickles down her cheek.
Faith continues, her voice barely more than a whisper. “She was so precious to us. Just as she was to you. She still is, and I want you to know how much we adored her, from the very first day we saw her. We fostered her at first, and they let us keep her. We took good care of her for you. She made us so proud. I… I want to thank you, for the gift you trusted to us.”
Beth steps forward. “Mum? I’m Naomi. Ruth came to find me.”
“Touch her,” Faith mouths. “She can feel your hand.”
Beth lays her hand over mine. “I had a good life because of you. A wonderful childhood. You…you did the right thing for me.”
“You’re a grandma,” Faith continues. “A lovely little boy called Jacob. You and me, we have a grandson, and I’m going to tell him all about you.”
My mother’s lips move. She’s trying to speak. Faith and I both lean in.
“I’m going…” The effort of getting those words out exhausts her, but she takes a couple more laboured breaths before trying again. “Will you…?”
“Don’t try to speak, Mum.” I look over my shoulder, seeking the comforting presence of the nurse. “I think she wants a drink…”
