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Julie steps forward to check the machines, then my mother. She straightens and offers me a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “It won’t be long now, Miss Lowison.”
I swallow a gulp. “Can she have a glass of water?”
Julie shakes her head. “We’re past that, love. She’s comfortable, and she’s better for you being here.”
Oh God…
The utter relentless finality of what’s happening here settles over me, but still I cling to some shred of hope.
“Can’t you…? I mean, there must be something…”
“Just hold her hand. Let her know that you love her, and you’re ready to let her go.”
Julie backs off to resume her vigil across the room as my mum struggles to speak again. My instinct is to tell her not to strain herself, but I remain silent this time. If it’s important to her, if she has something to say in these final moments, then she should speak.
Her eyelids flicker. There’s the briefest glimpse of green as her gaze settles first on me, then on Beth, then, finally, on Faith. And it’s to Faith she directs her final words.
“Thank you. Will you…look out for my Ruthie, too. Please…”
The end comesa few minutes later. No fuss, no fanfare. One moment she’s still with us, the next, she just isn’t.
The breathing sounds slow down. Seconds pass, she gasps again. More time passes, maybe half a minute. Another shuddering intake of oxygen. We wait in absolute silence for the next. It doesn’t come.
Julie is there, checking again. Calm, compassionate, she meets my gaze. “I’m afraid your mother has gone.”
“No…”
“She’s at peace now, love.”
I shake my head, unable to accept the stark reality playing out before my eyes.
Faith leans forward, places a soft kiss on my mother’s forehead. “Goodbye, Esther,” she whispers.
Beth does likewise. “Goodbye, Mum. Sleep well.”
They both get to their feet.
Faith hugs me, tears streaming from her eyes. “We’ll be outside.”
Julie spends the next few minutes pottering round, disconnecting lines and switching off the gadgetry. She’s quick, efficient, and oddly unobtrusive. It’s a practised art, and not for the first time I appreciate her skill and experience.
“You take your time,” she murmurs when she’s done.
She leaves me alone to say my goodbyes in private.
Jack
Faith and Beth exit the room, both in tears. It doesn’t take much imagination to work out what’s happened.
It’s less than twenty minutes since we touched down in the car park. I could almost be convinced that the old lady waited until her daughters came before she let go.
I dismiss that fanciful notion. “How’s Ruth?” I ask.
Faith meets my gaze. “I honestly don’t know, lad. We left her in there.”
I step over to the door. There’s a window, and the blind is half open. I peer in and catch a glimpse of Ruth, still seated at the bedside, her face resting on the mattress. Her shoulders are shaking.
The nurse catches sight of me. She holds up her hand, palm out, a signal to stay where I am for a moment. She finishes whatever it is she has to do at such times, then comes out into the corridor.
