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She shakes her head. “No, it’s not. If there is one thing I hope you never have to experience in this lifetime, it’s the pain of losing a child. When we lost Blake, the pain was so overbearing I searched for any form of relief from that pain. It started off slow, just one or two glasses a night, but I soon discovered that the more I drank, the more the pain subsided. As time went on, I became so dependent on it that I didn’t realize how far gone I was.”
I place my hand over hers reassuringly.
“I’m not trying to justify it—” She lets out a huff, tilting her head up to the ceiling as if to gather her thoughts. “Perhaps I am. But it still doesn’t make it right. I was so consumed by my grief that I not only abandoned you but also your father. I have been a terrible wife. He was right to threaten me with divorce, and to be honest, I’m lucky he didn’t leave me years ago.”
“He hasn’t exactly been a model husband either, Mom. Rather than trying to help you, he chose to spend all his time at the office. He put his career before you.”
“He’s been trying to help me for years, Ava. But my reluctance to accept his help wore him down. There is only so much a person can take before they’re left with no other choice but to walk away. He’s giving me one last chance and I would be a fool not to take it. I love your father and he loves me too. He must, or he wouldn’t still be here.”
I nod my head, giving her hand a squeeze, and she turns to look at me. “Do you want to know the real reason why I pushed you to forgive Logan?”
I meet her eyes. “Why?”
“Because he gave you a home when I couldn’t. I know what he did was unforgivable, but aside from all his faults, that boy has always been there for you. I wanted you to have someone you could lean on, and my biggest regret will always be that I wasn’t that person for you.”
“I don’t need him.”
“No, you don’t,” she agrees. “You are a lot stronger than I ever gave you credit for. You have dealt with all of life’s bullshit with integrity, and I’m so proud of the woman you have become.”
I bite my bottom lip as it starts to quiver. A tear slides down my cheek, and my mother gently brushes it away.
“Don’t cry, sweetheart. You don’t want to mess up your makeup. You look so beautiful.”
I give her a small smile. “Thanks, Mom.”
She pats my hand then stands up. “I’m going to go and freshen up. Eric will be here soon. That package was on the front porch.” She points to it, and I look down at it, having forgotten it was even there. “It’s strange.”
“Why?”
“It just has your name. No address or sender’s details. Someone must have hand-delivered it.”
I pick it up and place it on my lap as my mom exits my room. Turning it over, I see that my mother is right. There are no details other than my name written in bold letters on the front. Tearing it open, I pull the contents out of the padding, and my heart stalls when I see that it’s a sketchpad. The exact same one I have seen Mason draw in. An envelope is attached to the front, and my hands shake uncontrollably as I gently peel back the tape to remove it.
Part of me doesn’t want to open it. I still haven’t read any of his text messages, and it’s not because of anger. It’s because I’m worried he will weaken my resolve, and I’ll run back to him. I miss him so much. I’m empty without him, and every part of me is longing to seek him out so that I can feel whole again. A deep-seated yearning moves my limbs as if they have a mind of their own, and without thinking any further, I open it up to read the letter inside.
Ava
I will never forgetthe first time I ever saw you. I will never forget the way you made me feel. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. It was powerful and all-consuming, like something had come alive inside of me. A desire and a need so intense there were times when I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. Your light captured me and pulled me in, taking my soul along with it.
The only problem with being so incredibly consumed by someone that you see nothing else is the crushing realization that they don’t see you back, and they probably never will.
I never imagined this is where we would end up. I never thought I would ever be the type of person to inflict pain on someone I love for my own needs.
I told you the truth when I said the person I am was the one standing in front of you. I am the guy who made you laugh, who talked to you for hours about everything and nothing and sat with you in silence when all we needed was nothing more than the comfort of each other’s presence. I am the guy who made love to you with everything he had but still wanted to give you more.
I am also the guy who tapped into a side of myself I didn’t know existed and did unimaginable things to make you mine. I can’t deny him because he exists, and I hate him with every fiber of my being for the pain he has caused you.
But I also know that had he not done the things he did, I never would have got to share that time with you, and while I will always regret hurting you, I will never regret that time we had together.
It will be permanently ingrained in my memory, just like the first day I saw you walk into class. You were my everything, and I would have done absolutely anything to be yours.
And I did. But it came at a price. A price that you had to pay for and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for that. I’m so damn sorry, baby.
You deserve everything amazing this life has to offer, and you deserve to be with someone who can give it to you. You deserve someone who deserves you, and as much as I wish with every fiber of my being that I was that person, I know I’m not.
You are a bright-pink flower in a field full of white daisies, and I am the shadow that blocks it from the sun. I won’t let myself hurt you anymore. I won’t take away your light, and for that reason, I have to let you go.
I will never forget you, Ava Richards.
