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“Not for real.” I move in front of her, resting my hands on the counter on either side of her. “I’m not giving you up.”
“What happens if the show finds out about us?”
I’m off the show and in the courtroom. Coley drops out of SMU. Mom’s out of The Oasis. It’s hard to keep a neutral face. “Nothing.”
“Liar.” She rubs her face on her shoulder.
“They won’t find out.” My fingers graze her foot next to the purple bandage that matches the butterfly on her toe. “And I haven’t signed the contract yet.”
“But you will.” The wall in her voice moves into her eyes. “You have to. I get it. Your family needs you.” Her lower lip trembles.
“ButIneed you.” I need to make her see what she means to me. She’s my sanity. Myreal. I tug each of her legs down to hang over the counter and step between her thighs. “You’re the only thing in my life that’s mine.” Palming the back of her head with one hand, I tangle the other in her hair. “The only thing I want.” Not gonna lose her. Can’t. Everything’s gonna be fine. That’s what I tell myself as I lean in and kiss her.
And I know I’m right. Because if I wasn’t, she wouldn’t be kissing me back.
chapter 57
Jess
Sarge lived up to his nickname and decided to join the Marines after graduation. I was happy until he got on T about enlisting with him. He hasn’t let up all week. And T’s starting to listen.
~ from the diary of Elizabeth Sara Thorne (age 17)
Because goodbye is impossible to say, I let Gabe kiss me.
Because goodbye bends my soul, I kiss him back.
Because I won’t come between him and his family, because in a few minutes goodbye will mean forever and I’ll never feel this way again, I pull him closer. Because this is our last kiss, and it feels right like nothing ever has, and I’m dying inside with every brush of his fingers on my skin and every press of his lips to mine, I drink in everything about him.
His just-showered smell on my skin. His voice. His words. His eyes. His killer dimples. His million-watt grin. The way his lips part just before they meet mine. The way his tongue teases my bottom lip just before he takes things deep. The softness of his hair in my fingers and the hard steel of his biceps under my hands. The safe place in his arms when he holds me. The way he listens to me. Touches me. Sees me. The way he makes me part of something more than me. How it feels to be hiswe. I memorize all these things and a thousand more.
Grabbing one final moment as Gabe’s girl, I breathe him in, then push against his chest, and whisper a broken, “Goodbye.”
“Jess?” The shock in his voice pleads with me to take the word back. The stunned look on his face pushes me to tell him I didn’t mean it. The gravity-like tug he has on my heart begs me to say I’ll give away pieces of myself to stay his.
But he can’t change who he has to be. And I have to let him go. Dying one heartbeat at a time, I slide off the counter and walk out of his life, leaving way too much of myself behind.
chapter 58
Gabe
“Always put on a good show.”
~ Meredith Morgan
(played by the award-winning Meredith Wade)
Raising Ryder: Episode55
No Gabriel Wade bullshit. I blow off the mandate David gave me when he handed me my room key. Hiding behind my public face becomes the shield between me and the wreckage of Jess’s brutal goodbye. Tonight, my Gabriel Wade bullshit is the beast that keeps me standing.
In the corner of the hotel lobby, Kim is burrowed against my side, one hand gripping my waist, the other curled against Jax’s favorite white Poplin dress shirt. Gretchen’s live-streaming the interview Alan arranged. Her camera’s trained on my face, her shrewd gaze locked on my smile. These are the only reasons I let my costar tuck herself into me.
It’s not too late to back out this reconciliation. I still haven’t signed the contract. But Jess was right, I will. I have to. I pump up my swagger as a cover for my suddenly sprinting heart.
Standing at a practiced angle in front of the camera, Gretchen moves the mic closer. “Rumors and relationships are heating up the set ofThe Pack.”
“Things are definitely getting hotter.” Kim’s fingers take Gretchen’s question as a cue to skim up my chest. “As far as the rumors...” Her saucy grin lifts in an exact match to mine, driving home that we’ve played these roles way too long.
