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“For a while,” Gretchen says, “the show’s race toward the mid-season finale didn’t look good for Jax’s lycan lifespan.” The veiled reference to the last Jax interview I gave becomes a question aimed at me with a subtle shift of the mic.

Unlike last time, I plug the show for Alan, pitching excitement I don’t feel. “The first episode in the final three leading to the finale kicks off tonight with a major reveal that might just hit on a few of those rumors.”

“I’m rooting for Jax to get back in the game and in tune with his inner wolf.” Gretchen holds up crossed fingers. “If Gabriel Wade can get his love life off the rocks, then maybe Jax will surprise us as well.” Her gaze and the camera pan in to Kim’s fingers stroking my skin inside the V of my unbuttoned collar.

Neither pick up the invisible spike-size prickles raising along the back of my neck.

Using my shoulder as leverage, Kim lifts to her toes and whispers, “I didn’t move out of the condo.”

I hear the lead-in. Know she’s scripted my response. But I can’t give the line she’s written. I tip my head to her ear. “I’ll find somewhere else to crash.”

Her public smile powers on, but her fingers drift off my skin, and I know we’re going to get into it later with a blowup I’m too damn drained to have.

The rest of the interview drags on, and Kim takes the lead, except when Gretchen needles me about Jess, and I jump in and deflect.

Jess.Her name isn’t supposed to rattle my mask. Wrench my chest. I suck it up and pretend it doesn’t, pushing my smile from daytime drama to primetime perfect.

Kim responds to the last Jax question with a witty comeback that makes Gretchen laugh but leaves a stale sweat on my skin.

I’m getting ready to wrap this when Gretch pivots toward me with a targeted, take-down expression. “Let’s close on a more personal note. A behind-the-scenes look into Gabriel Wade’s personal life.”

I know I’m screwed. She’s going to out Mom. I grab for an anchor in the girl next to me, but reaching for Jess, and getting Kim only amps the adrenaline screaming through my veins.

“For those of you who aren’t die-hard fans,” Gretch says, “Gabe’s second-generation Hollywood. He got his start from his mom, Meredith Wade, who played Meredith Morgan for twelve seasons onRaising Ryder.” She turns to me. “Your mom is a TV icon. And this latest news, well it’s difficult to share.” Her tone bleeds compassion. But the truth stares back from her eyes. This is her shining moment. Her better-than-my-mom moment. And damn if I’m gonna let her have it.

Straight out of options, my heart pumps adrenaline like it’s going out of style. Leaning into the mic, I run with Jess’s plan to go public first. And betray the person I promised to protect.

chapter 59

Jess

Allie got an early summer admission to her chosen college in Maine. Dad won’t return my calls. (I know I should stop trying, it’s pathetic) Mom’s always in Tulsa. And T and Sarge signed their lives away to the Marines today. Boot camp starts right after graduation. Everyone is leaving me.

~ from the diary of Elizabeth Sara Thorne (age 17)

I don’t remember limping back to the hotel.

Standing under the shower.

Applying makeup.

Zipping my lavender dress.

Slipping on matching flats.

But the full-length mirror says I did all those things.

I’m a black hole of nothingas I leave my room for my book launch. I don’t feel the cut on my foot, the suffocation of facing Julie Ann without another book, the crush of walking away from the best thing, the best person, that’s ever happened to me. I don’t feel anything.

Then I exit the elevator in the lobby to Gabe draped around his costar, wrapping up an interview with Gretchen. And I feel everything.

His arm slung around Kim’s waist seals my throat. The hand he flexes on her hip drops my stomach. The tip of his head toward hers empties my lungs. Hours ago he was mine. Now he’s Kim’s. Because I gave him away.

Being alone again, after I know what it’s like to have someone stand next to me, feels so much emptier than when I didn’t know what I was missing.

Weighted by useless regret, I’m anchored in place within eavesdropping distance of their interview. Only, he’s not talking about Kim, he’s talking about his mom. And my heart shatters for him. I know exactly how much sharing her truth costs.

Mid-sentence, Gabe lifts his head, hooks and holds my gaze a second too long, fingers digging hard into his thigh, and I know all I have to do is take a baby step toward him or tip my head in a subtle nod, and he’ll meet me back in the room.

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