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“I’m telling you to start building actual intimacy. Your reactions, especially your scent, still betray you, Winter.” Demetrius dropped back to my actual name, and it cut like ice. “We heard about today, and the wolves of the pack whodon’tknow are worried. I know you don’t want to move forward because Sterling is still alive, and in our heart, Marcella and I grieve for what you’re going through. But this is about the packandspecies. Youhaveto leave him behind. He is doing his part. You have to do yours. Hewillcatch up, if he can. You aren’t giving up on him by moving on, and you aren’t betraying him. You’re safeguarding the future.”
Promise me, Winter.
Sneaking Around (Redux)
“Iapologize,” Searle said.
I had just become one big lump of grief. “I won’t give up on him. Not until he’s dead. He’ll give a good showing against Henri.”
Searle’s stoic face betrayed a flicker of annoyance. “You are only setting yourself up for anguish.”
“Then I guess I’m set up for anguish.” What was a bit more anguish on top of this anguish? I wasnotgiving up on my wolf-of-silver. I was not leaving him for dead.
He let out an annoyed breath. “Are you ever going to let yourself be happy again?”
“He’s still alive. Stop acting like my anguish is some inconvenience. What did youthinkwas going to happen when you agreed to this? I never agreed to repudiate him. Gaia is going to have totakehim from me!”
“I was expecting you to be more pragmatic, based on what I already knew about you.”
“Evenmypragmatism has limits.”
He pinched his nose and let out a long, slow, annoyed breath.
Too bad for Searle that I hadn’t shipped in from Gaia, ready to assume my place at his side and shove Sterling’s memory to the back of our shared closet. “I’m already being pragmatic enough agreeing to do this at Equinox, aren’t I?”
“That depends. Are you going to act like I’m assaulting you when we kiss? And it won’t be a chaste little touch of lips.”
That hit me in the gut and peeled a few layers off my insides. “Thatalsodepends. Are you going to manage to act like the thought doesn’t disgust you?”
He bent to my level and his face was very close to mine. His lower eyelids twitched with aggravation. “You know the thought doesn’t disgust me.That’swhat you don’t like. You don’t like that Ienjoytouching you. Youwantme to feel like I am muscling through it.”
“Don’t be a scavenger,” I growled back.
“I amnota scavenger,baby bird. It would have suited me fine to keep waiting and live my life as a bachelor. I did this because my Alpha asked, not because I was so hungry I’d take any scraps thrown my way.”
“You want to talk about honor and duty,” I hissed. “Sterling is still my mate and my husband. Imade vowsbefore my pack and Gaia. I won’t give up on him until and unless he’s dead.”
This would have been so much easier if we both found each other noxious and agreed to keep things performative. Or if he’d justback offuntil July and let me have my space instead of trying to shove himself into Sterling’s empty spot on the couch.
“If you do not get your head on at least alittlestraighter, you are going to die with him,” Searle snarled, “and you will take this pack with you! I am not asking you to fuck me while he’s still alive. I also won’t say no if you propose it. It’s not theperformanceyou object to, it’s the intimacy. Which isexactly what we have to cultivate.”
“Oh, becausethisis what I want to be intimate with. An overbearing ass of a wolf telling mebe intimate, damnit!”
Searle straightened and clenched his jaw with aggravation. “After dinner, do you want to go for a run in the woods?”
“In wolf-form?” I asked warily.
“Yes.”
“I’m not supposed to shift.”
“You can’t push through that lingering bit of MoonDark?”
“I can.” Was this a trick?
“I need a run, and so do you. It’ll just be you and I in the dark. No one will see your silver scar. If someone comes along, just stay close to my side and act bashful.”
Disobeying a direct command was a no-no, but Icravedto wear my fur and go running. And Searle being naughty? Was this him bringing me a bit of prey without actually bringing me prey? Because I wouldn’t take a rabbit from his mouth.
