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Uncle Bill almost dropped his beer. He caught it after spilling half of it on the patio.
Auryn ribbed Akoni. Hard. And told Mum-Mum, “Ignore him. He has no filter and does not understand polite lies.”
“He understands them. He just refuses to play nice.” I said, annoyed already.
“When have youeverknown me to play nice?” Akoni asked, his smile devilish. “You do not love me because I amnice.”
Auryn smacked him on the back of the head.
Keon offered Mum-Mum one of his big hands. “Keon. I have a Ph.D. in marine engineering systems. Auryn is my cousin, and he’s a pulmonologist, and that’s Akoni—”
“A simple mechanic and plumber.” Akoni clearly loved the idea of being a common grease monkey.
Mum-mum giggled. She ribbed Pop-Pop, “Well, if she has to put up with three of them, it’s good they’re all good looking!”
Was it too early for me to die of mortification?
“I see they are playing pin the tail on the ass.” Akoni pointed at a tree with the game on it. “Perhaps you should go stand over there, Auryn.”
Pop-Pop snorted laughter.
“You and I have nothing to say to each other,” my father told Auryn. “Not now, and not ever. I still don’t like you, Auryn, but I’m not willing to lose my girl over you either. Someone’s going to have to be there when the three of you fuck up. Especially now. The instant any of you,” he pointed the tongs at them, “fuck up I will be down on your little dumpster fire of a country—”
He clacked the tongs.
Akoni grinned. “Is that so.”
Keon punched him in the ribs, Akoni doubled over coughing.
“That’s one way to shut him up,” Auryn said.
“Efficient and cost-effective with zero environmental impact.”
Akoni cursed at them in Lemurian, so he sounded like something between original Chaucer and a cat puking up a hairball.
Auryn said something back, which infuriated Akoni even more, and Keon said, “Be polite and speak English.”
“I speak eleven languages, I will speak whatever I want,” Akoni spat, then he cursed at Auryn in Mandarin. Auryn swore back, also in Mandarin.
Keon snarled, “And I speak fifteen, and I’ll tell you both in all fifteen to shut up. It’s polite in American society to speak themajoritylanguage, which is going to beEnglishin this setting. So will the two of you behave? There’s a reason we don’t leteitherof you off the damned island!”
“Fifteen languages?” Pop-Pop asked.
I sighed. “They’re smart. Likereallysmart. As hard as it is to believe in moments like this.”
“Social skills are perhaps not our forte.” Akoni brushed off his shoulder. “But they are not Helena’s either, so this is clearly why we get along.”
I headed towards the drinks. I’d planned on hitting the craft beer stash, but with these three, probably best to stay sharp. Ice tea it was. “Thanks. I think. Ass.”
Seventeen
18 - FAMILY
Splash splash.
“Helena!”
I turned around towards Akoni’s voice and almost fainted. Akoni stood in the pool—having changed into obnoxiously garish swim trunks featuring cartoon sharks—with five kids under his arms—three on one side, two on the other—and two more dangling around his neck. They were squealing and flailing about, delighted at the game. As I watched, he lobbed one of them about ten feet in the water. The kid screeched in delight and everyone howled formy turn, my turn. I, however, freaked out. “What are youdoing?!”
