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“Who. Who are you pushing for? Who benefits the most from this risk? Solving forwhoshould always balance againstwhyandhow. It’s an equation, so you keep it balanced. And if the only way it balances iswho = you, you’re on the brink of making a terrible mistake.”
Twenty-Six
My consorts managed to keep a cork in things until we were back at the roost. Then the angry smothering promptly began.
While I was trying to figure out who I had really gone into the portal for: myself, or civilization?
Considering I was a teeny fraction of civilization, knowing whereIended and civilization at large began was a bit challenging.
Akoni smoldered with an anger so hot it singed scale patterns over his shoulders. “Keon told us why youreallywent in there. What were youthinking?”
“That we’re desperate!” My voice cracked.
“No,youare desperate!Heis that desperate!” Akoni jabbed a finger at Keon. “No one else is that desperate for you to open that Gate!”
“But—” I said helplessly. “This is what Chaos dragonsdo! We make edge possibilities happen!”
“There’s a difference betweenthatand reckless behavior! You bring about a lot of edge possibilities when you abandon all common sense!”
I recoiled.
Auryn nudged Akoni. “It’s done. She’s back. And I’m not sure ifIhad known if I’d told her no. She’s a forge-breaker, so that doesn’t mean a low-risk, low-danger existence. We’re her consorts, not her wardens.”
Akoni seethed and stepped off to the side.
“Akoni,” I said.
He stepped off even further and turned his back on me.
Something inside me flinched like I’d felt the crack of a whip.
Auryn interceded. “Give him a minute.”
Keon ignored Akoni and pressed forward. “So what was the entity in the portal? Ghost? Usurper Queen? Cosmic avatar?”
Akoni snorted. His voice dripped caustic bitterness. “Cosmic entities do not exist. If it was the Queen, say so. That is my guess.”
Auryn’s slight grimace indicated it was his guess as well.
“It wasn’t the Queen.” I had impressions of the Queen, like some vague knowledge I’d overheard at a professional lecture I hadn’t paid much attention to. The knowledge of her name, her consorts, her children—those things I didn’t have. But I did have tinges of them. It was like sipping wine and trying to figure out “jam notes” or “chocolate notes” on something that didn’t taste like jam or chocolate at all. But the stain of how she loved them, ached for them, the burning hatred and grief and rage. All that remained.
Unlike the memories I’d acquired from the dragons on the ship and in Atlantis. Those werememoriesthat my brain mercifully kept wrapped in tarp and buried in the backyard.
“The first bit of good news we’ve had in a week,” Akoni said.
“Oh, herwaking upwasn’t good news?” Keon snapped.
“Stop it,” Auryn demanded.
“It was the Queen’s grimoire,” I said.
Akoni spun around. “It waswhat?”
“Grimoires can’t talk,” Keon said slowly. “Helena… what did you do?”
What did hemean, what did I do? “Wa—you think I wasduped?”
“Grimoires are physical objects that fit neatly into an overhead luggage compartment! They aren’tvoices in portals. They’reinanimate objects.”
