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She squeezes my hands. “Who is the father, Shirls?”
I feel like it’s not a question, but I glance away and then back at her. “A guy I met on the West Coast, I thought it would amount to something, but he left me for another woman.”
I feel so bad lying to her, but I feel worse when she quirks an eyebrow. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but please don’t lie to me. I’ve been your mother since the day Arianna and Dominic brought you and your brother home for a shower, fresh clothes, medical attention, and food. You’ve been our family since that day, and we will always love and protect you.”
A lone tear rolls down one side of my face, and I release her hand to swipe it away. “Please, can we go with my story, just for when the family finds out? I don’t want to disappoint Alessandro or any of the others. I don’t want them to think less of me.”
Helena, my mother, squeezes my hands. “I know it’s Evgenii. I know he’s the father.”
My eyes widen. “Please, Ma, please don’t tell Alessandro. Please promise me you won’t. I didn’t tell him anything. We got drunk, and…one thing led to another. I didn’t mean for it to happen.”
Helena pulls me into a hug against her chest and strokes my head. “Don’t worry, he won’t hear it from me, but I really think you should come clean with Evgenii. We’ve been through this before in our family. You shouldn’t stop a father from knowing he has a child.”
I breathe in her perfume and close my eyes. “I will. I just want to get through this proposal and secure Staten Island for the family, and then I’ll tell him. But I don’t want to tell him before that, and I don’t want him in my or the baby’s life.”
“That isn’t your choice to make,” her voice is soft as she continues to stroke my hair. “But we will work out the details later. For now, your secret is safe with me.”
I sit up and wipe my eyes. “Do I look okay?”
Helena smiles and nods, glancing at the door. “And not a moment too soon, here comes Amelia to call us for church.”
“Ladies,” my sister-in-law says as she walks in, “everyone wants to get going.”
We stand and follow her out. I put a smile on my face and feel much more relieved now that Helena knows about the baby. At least I have her in my corner.
We drive in convoy to church, and I sit alongside my family. Alessandro, Katya, their children, and mom and dad sit in the front pew while the rest of us fill in the pews behind them.
Church passes in almost a blur, and as I take the sacrament, I think of how hypocritical I am. I’m not supposed to bear children out of wedlock, and here I am acting as though I’m not carrying the bastard of a Bratva senior member.
We only mingle for a few minutes after church. Enough time for the men to chat to the priest about things he needs for the church before we all file back into the cars and are driven back to Alessandro’s estate.
Several of the women stayed behind, the older aunts and grandmothers, to direct and help with the preparations for the family lunch.
As I step into the garden, it occurs to me that the Volkovs will also be at Sunday lunch. I sit with Arianna as they arrive, and she insists we find Kira and Tori and sit with them. I reluctantly follow, and we sit at a table together to talk.
“I really want Roman to have a sibling,” Tori tells us, her eyes glancing at her son, who is bouncing on her lap, wanting to escape. “But I’m torn because I want to focus on my career, but I don’t want Ivan to be too old if we have another child. Argh, I don’t know what to do.”
I feel so awkward as she discusses children, knowing that I’m incubating my own. Arianna grins mischievously. “I think you and Ivan make pretty babies and should just have a dozen of them. Populate the family with these drop-dead gorgeous children.”
We all laugh but try to cover it up as Ivan walks over. He glances around curiously and then shakes his head. “You know what, I don’t want to know what you lot are up to. Here let me take Roman. He can run around while we talk business.”
He scoops up his son, who giggles happily. Tori smiles lovingly at her husband, and I look away because I am jealous. That’s when I see Evgenii. He catches my eye and turns to make his way toward our group. As he starts crossing the yard, I get up. “Sorry, ladies, but I need the loo. I’ll be back soon.”
I walk quickly toward the house, and initially, I go to the bathroom, sit on the counter and read my emails on my phone. I can’t stay there forever, but I don’t want to return to the group or to see Evgenii, so I pretend to finish up and go to the library for a breather. I browse through Alessandro’s collection of books. It’s a well-kept secret because everyone thinks they’re Frankie’s books because he’s the nerd of the family, but Alessandro loves to read. I’ve heard him read to the twins at bedtime, and he does impressions and everything, it’s adorable.
I hear someone clear their throat behind me, and I know who it is before I turn around. He’s so good-looking, but dammit, I wish Evgenii would leave me alone.
“Shirley, please just listen to me. I never apologized for what I did, not properly. What I did was absolutely rotten. Something no person should ever have to experience, not even in the name of family business. I toyed with your feelings, and I am so sorry I did because I honestly did fall in love with you. It wasn’t just family business back then, and it is the greatest regret of my life because we could have had all these years together. I can’t go back and change what I did, but I have changed as a person since then. I will do anything to have another shot with you, please.” His eyes are sparkling with emotion, but all I feel is anger. I’m angry that he brought this up and that he thinks words are enough to gloss over the situation, that it would mend my heart. I’m mad he lied about the whole situation, and all his apology does is stoke the fire of revenge burning deep inside me.
I take a deep breath and try not to show how angry I am. “Evgenii, we can try again.” I see the hope in his eyes. “But we need to take it slow. We’re not picking up from where we left off. We’re going to start fresh.”
And I’m going to shatter your heart the way you broke mine, I think to myself.
Evgenii walks forward and nods. “Agreed. Anything you want.”
I nod. “I’m hungry and want to spend time with my sister and cousins.”
Evgenii nods. “Of course, let’s go enjoy lunch.”
